Social Question

SheWasAll_'s avatar

Which do you feel is the better option (details below)

Asked by SheWasAll_ (2033points) July 12th, 2011

First, I apologize if this has been asked before.
So here’s the scenario: You are part of a small group of friends, say 5 or 6 people total. You hang out on a regular basis, celebrate birthdays together, and so on. One member of your group is notoriously low on disposable income while everyone else has a decent income. One night surfing the internet, you find cheap airfare to Vegas and decide a weekend trip is in order. Now regarding the friend who doesn’t have much money to spare, do you
A) invite them along on the chance they can afford the cheap airfare, but knowing there’s a strong chance they’ll have to decline or…
B) Save them the embarrassment of having to say no due to money reasons and don’t send the invite at all?

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21 Answers

bob_'s avatar

Ask the friend privately.

tom_g's avatar

Definitely A.

B saves them from embarrassment? I don’t follow.

marinelife's avatar

Invite them. No doubt.

Poser's avatar

Invite them. The other 4 or 5 friends can chip in to buy his ticket. Good friends don’t care about friends’ disposable (or otherwise) income.

Nullo's avatar

Depends on the friends. My group is not hesitant to voice concerns about funding. We also tend to pool costs.

bob_'s avatar

@tom_g @Poser Some people would find it embarrassing, like being considered a charity case.

Not saying that’s the way it is, it’s just the way it seems for some.

tom_g's avatar

@bob_ – I would imagine that in addition to being humiliated, the person who was excluded would feel extremely hurt that his/her friends didn’t care enough to ask. What if s/he really wanted to go to vegas and would take out a loan to be able to go? What if the person just came across some money the friends are unaware of. Keeping things like this from people is only really acceptable when it is in a parent-child relationship. I can’t see how this would do anything but really injure a friendship.

The whole thing seems deeply offensive, although it could be just how I view friendship.

bob_'s avatar

@tom_g I agree with you, which is why I would ask the friend if he or she wanted to go. Other people view it differently, though.

SpatzieLover's avatar

My mom is 70. She’s been a part of “Girls Club” ( a group of women that have known each other from childhood to present) for over 50 yrs. Some of the women during periods of their life couldn’t afford things the others could.

This has been handled in a number of ways. One of the women owned a travel agency. She made certain she’d research group rates for flights & hotels so the cheapest rates could be purchased by all. If that still didn’t allow for those without the income to afford it, often the other women would chip in (especially if they all felt it would be a great experience).

Some years a few of the women weren’t able to participate at all due to kids/husbands-etc besides money, but they were always invited. The others made sure that they did a couple of “cheap” things that everyone could participate in once or twice a year to maintain the friendships. dinner out at the holidays, picnics at the park, a girls night out for dessert & drinks-etc

No matter what @SheWasAll_ if this friend is important to your group, invite her.

SheWasAll_'s avatar

Thanks guys. I feel validated. I should let you know that this exact scenario is happening right now with my groups of friends, however I am the one who notoriously does not have money to spare. The girls planned a Vegas trip “behind my back” and never bothered to ask if I wanted to or could join. I then got into an argument with one of my guys friends who said that they were just trying to “save me the embarrassment” of having to say no and I said that was a horrible thing to do to a friend. Always offer, even if you know they can’t join.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Sorry that happened to you @SheWasAll_. Send your friends a link to this question ;)

mazingerz88's avatar

Personally, I think the keyword for me in your explanation was “friends”. If it was me I won’t invite her outright but ask her, “Hey what do you think about Vegas, would you be in the mood to maybe check it out this weekend? There are these tickets that sound like it’s a good deal.” After hearing this, she would probably say she is not interested or something and she would give you a way out herself. Maybe.

Also I don’t know the exact nature or how deep your bond is as friends but years ago, me and my friends bought plane tickets for another friend who was unable to afford it at that time. ( Oh, I missed your last post… )

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

If she doesn’t have much money to spend on a vacation, no matter how cheap, I agree with @bob_ ‘s initial post, and ask her about it first.

Pose it as a brain-storming idea. “Hey, I found this cheap flight to Las Vegas. I estimated the total cost, including this cheap air fare, share a couple of rooms, etc. Would you be interested? Do you think the others might?” It would allow her the opportunity to provide her personal choice. There are a dozen of reasons why she may opt out. Surely, any true friend would not feel resentment for the others going on the trip without her.

Note: I have been in her shoes, and it was more important to me to be included in the discussion, be it privately or within the group, then it was to be left out. Option A is the way to go. Option B will only lead to hurt feelings…or worse.

CaptainHarley's avatar

If this is truly a friend we are talking about, either help her pay for the trip, or just cancel the entire thing.

ucme's avatar

If we’re that much of a tight unit, then his trip is on us. He can buy the drinks, well the first round at least.

Hibernate's avatar

Most times in this cases me and my friends used something that first was awkward but later ended up to be the best solution.
You invite them and tell them if they can’t afford it the others will divide the cost [ assuming the others agree ] . After a time believe me that everyone will end up without money and be “rescued: by friends in these situations .

Worked out great and made us bond in a lot of circumstances .

MilkyWay's avatar

Option A. They might be offended to find out you didn’t invite them later on.

YARNLADY's avatar

We use the barter system. If one has little or no money, he volunteers to help everyone else in something.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d check with the other friends going to see if they would be in agreement to split up the fare of the one friend in the event that friend would decline the invitation due to their finances even if the rest of us thought it was a low fare.

Response moderated (Spam)
bob_'s avatar

@CaptainHarley Cancel the entire thing? Why?

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