A lumberjack was confused about his identity, and so he went out into the world looking to find himself.
He found himself, one day, in Alaska. The Inuits impressed him, so he asked a young brave if he could join their tribe. The young man set up a meeting with the tribal elders.
The traveling lumberjack stood before a table set up on the frozen tundra. Three wrinkled old men sat there. They questioned the young man for the purity of his intent, and could find no objection to his becoming an Inuit.
They told him he would have to complete the rite of passage every young Inuit brave was expected to overcome. It came in three parts – (1) drink a gallon of whale blubber whiskey, (2) journey into the mountains, kill a polar bear and return with its head, (3) sleep with the town whore. If he survived all three tests, he would become an Inuit.
The next morning came his first test: a gallon of whale blubber whiskey sat on the table. He drank the whiskey and survived. The Elders pointed to the mountains, and the lumberjack staggered off into the distance. When the elders could no longer see him, they retired for the day.
They came and sat at the table everyday watching for him, and were set to give up on the fifth day – when they spied a spot on the horizon. The spot staggered toward them. The young man was bloody, and his clothes were horribly ripped. The elders could see a great battle had taken place – but sadly, the young man had forgotten to bring back the head. They would have to disappoint his desires.
The lumberjack staggered up to the elders, still drunk on the whale blubber whiskey. He looked each elder in the eye, took a deep breath and asked: “Now, where’s this whore you want me to kill?”
