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butterflymoth's avatar

What can I do about this deadbeat ex spouse?

Asked by butterflymoth (5points) July 25th, 2011

My ex and I have 50/50 child custody. I have been divorced 3 plus years. I have had my son 95% due to his lay off and then he rented his house to others. He cant have our son at his place now (elderly condo) and refuses to get his own place to live and have a home for his child. He says he can’t afford it. He has a new job and I know he makes good money. I need to know how I can proceed to make him take his child more than 1 night a week and be a father to his child.

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15 Answers

atlantis's avatar

Get the law on your side. Court orders or notices if you can manage the lawyer expenses.

Or you could just ditch the deadbeat. Find some time to get a better dad to replace the one your kid is deprived of now.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Personally, the first thing I’d do is ask the son how important it is for him to spend nights at his father’s place. Some children find it disruptive going from one home to the other each week. If your son feels like he is not getting enough time with his father, and the dad isn’t willing to do this, then I would contact the lawyer that dealt with the divorce case.

zenvelo's avatar

At least get the child support raised to cover the fact that he has abandoned the child. Get your custody order changed to reflect the circumstances.

woodcutter's avatar

just ditch the deadbeat. Find some time to get a better dad to replace the one your kid is deprived of now. Anyone but me think the kid’s dad had the same idea first?

NightStalker's avatar

As far as the child support go to the courts.

Regarding visitation- truthfully it is not in your sons best interest to be with a person who obviously is not interested in them. Wanting to be with your child should be natural. You should not be having to force visitation. I would not push it, in fact I would move on with my life and focus not on the failings of the father but the awesomeness of the son.

perspicacious's avatar

Do you really want to force him to take your child?

butterflymoth's avatar

So, to change the court order of 50/50 custody, I have to take him to court? Or can I fill out paperwork by myself, without a lawyer. You are right about the why I would want the father to even have more physical custody. Especially with excuse after excuse.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Go to family court. In some states (like mine) custody and child support fluctuate- the parent who can’t spend the physical time pays more support. You should be able to have his income verified every 6 mos. through the courts and adjustments made accordingly.

linguaphile's avatar

One thing to consider is— it sounds to me like you are getting the ‘message’ that your ex doesn’t want to spend time with your son. You’re the mom, so you can read your ex’s behavior, but I would be concerned if your son is getting the same message.
For me, from my experience, I would prefer to make sure my son didn’t spend too much time with someone who let him know, even nonverbally, that he wasn’t wanted. It’s really hard for a kid to grow up feeling unwanted, so I’d do whatever I could do to minimize that.

butterflymoth's avatar

Do I have to be in the same room in court as the ex?

Bellatrix's avatar

Yes, get in touch with your child support agency. As to him spending time with your child. He obviously doesn’t want to. As has been said here, do you want to force him to do that? What sort of care do you think he will take of the child if he is compelled to spend time with him?

I would just accept he doesn’t want the fathering duties, make sure he is paying a fair rate of child support, and love your son. Hard for you I know but better for your son.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

You will rarely have to physically be in the same place as your ex. Most of the court work is paperwork forms you can file online. He’ll probably have to appear in the courts more than you in order to confirm he’s received his notifications and sent in copies of paystubs and what not.

Only138's avatar

Piss on em’. Just enjoy the time with your Child. His loss, your gain.

butterflymoth's avatar

Could this be a child abandonement issue for the Family Court?

VS's avatar

You can force him to pay child support through the courts, but unfortunately, you cannot force him to be a better human being, nor can you force him to be a father to his son. Give up on that scenario and get your son involved in some sports or other non-academic activity where he will have some positive male role models. Do you really want your son to learn any life values from his dead-beat asshat sperm donor??

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