Social Question

rOs's avatar

Do you ever feel like you're owed an apology?

Asked by rOs (3529points) August 26th, 2011

Specifically, is an apology even necessary in your eyes? What purpose does it serve for you? Does a simple “I’m sorry” suffice, or do you require a more nuanced approach?

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24 Answers

TrkReznor's avatar

Yes. Yes I do. I was riding my bike one day and I was crossing the street when the ligh was red and this maniac comes out of nowhere obviously about to run the redlight. Then the sumbitch threw on his brakes and nudged me off my bike with his car. He then proceeded to scream and swear at me. It wasn’t my fault, I’m not the drunken maniac who tried to go full speed through a red light.

Judi's avatar

I try to focus on forgiveness for MY sake, rather than seek out an apology. Just because I forgive, doesn’t mean I put myself in a position of being vulnerable to an unrepentant person, however.

Cruiser's avatar

Yes and the worst is when you have to ask for one to finally clear the air.

DominicX's avatar

Yes, I have felt that I’ve been owed an apology before. It’s rare, but it’s happened, and I’ve never had to ask for one (and knowing me, I probably wouldn’t ask. They’d just have to do it on their own). And I’ve had someone once think I owed them an apology and I didn’t and I did not give it to them.

martianspringtime's avatar

Yes! I guess it’s because I apologize a lot, sometimes probably for things that don’t even require apologies.
I’ve had friends and family alike say or do things that really should be apologized for. I usually brush things off because it’s not really worth dwelling on and I know they probably don’t intend to be cruel, but sometimes I just can’t fathom doing or saying something like that and not feeling sorry enough after to say something.
I’m sure I’m not without fault and have owed someone else an apology that I did not give, but I try to make sure that I do both for the sake of courtesy and my own conscience.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Yesterday in fact. My boyfriend was unnecessarily rude to me. He was very busy and I asked him one simple question and he was sarcastic and short. It’s very rare that he’s like this but it’s a sure wa of knowing that he’s tired and overworked!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Sure but an apology is often more a gesture than a true felt thing, the acceptance more a gesture than an true felt forgiveness. I’ve learned to take these things more at face value than read into them what I really want.

JLeslie's avatar

Yes, sometimes I do feel I am owed an apology. Usually “I’m sorry” is enough. Sometimes it is not even an apology I want, but some sort of acknowledgement things went down bad and a need to clear the air. I might be apologizing also.

King_Pariah's avatar

Yeah, my mom just hid my brother’s painkillers because she’s scared that I’ll take them like I’m some damn druggie. Wtf mom? Yeah I may occasionally smoke but abuse drugs? Fuck mom, you really don’t trust me at all, do you?

Kardamom's avatar

I often feel like I am owed an apology by rude clerks or service persons. I also know that I am unlikely to get one. That’s why, when I get bad, rude, mean, agressive or sarcastic service, I go straight to the manager and let them know exactly what happened.

I know what it’s like to be a clerk and a service person and I always did my best not to offend the clients. And I would apologize for things in advance, so as to avoid offending people, such as saying, “Pardon me, I’m so sorry for the long wait, I’ll be right with you.”

CWOTUS's avatar

It’s hard (in fact, I find it darn near impossible) to “forgive” someone who hasn’t asked for it, and may not even recognize or acknowledge that they have wronged you. If you forgive without the other person even acknowledging their own fault (or partial fault) in the original injury, then it puts you at a tremendous disadvantage: they’ll do the same thing again, as likely as not.

Judi's avatar

@CWOTUS ; It depends on your definition of “forgive.” To me, forgiveness is giving up the right to revenge, or to sulk, or to have a piety party. It is not putting myself in a position of being taken advantage of or abused. That’s what boundaries are for.

Blackberry's avatar

I want an apology from my mother for not buying me a drumset when I was young so I could become an expert drummer.

wundayatta's avatar

I rarely feel like someone “owes” me an apology. Sometimes I’m mad at someone, and I wish they would apologize, but I get over that fast, because in my experience, no one ever apologizes.

The only people who do apologize, apologize for things that they don’t need to apologize for. They have invented some way they have wronged me and I have no idea what they are talking about until they explain how they think they hurt me.

The key person who never apologized to me was my wife. Because she never apologized, I began to feel like I was always wrong. I respected her a lot, and so if she didn’t see a need to apologize, it must be because I am wrong, not her. It was a serious sense of cognitive dissonance. But we have been able to deal with that in therapy, and now I feel a bit more empowered, and she actually apologized for some important things.

Even so, I still rarely feel like I am owed an apology. I feel like people make mistakes and that’s the way it is. I don’t think anyone deliberately sets out to hurt me. It just happens. So I don’t really think it’s their fault, and it seems they have nothing to apologize about.

rOs's avatar

@wundayatta I couldn’t agree more. Instead of storing unresolved issues deep inside my subconscious, I strive to let go of my resentment and deflate my ego. The therapeutic process of forgiveness allows us to focus on more important tasks.

Blondesjon's avatar

No. The word sorry has become one of the most passive/aggressive words in the English language.

Coloma's avatar

I don’t feel anyone ‘owes’ me anything, however, IFsomeone is truly a friend or otherwise cares about a relationship with me they will freely offer, unprompted, an apology in good will and out of respect for whatever I have confronted them with.

Better yet, they’d catch themselves before they needed to issue an apology. haha

I let go of a 7 yr. ‘friend’ 5 months ago after her manipulative and dishonest little ways were becoming too glaringly obvious to deny. lol

The first clue that my decision to end the friendship was right on, was her complete and utter inability to simply say ” I’m sorry, I’ll pay attention to that in the future”.

Instead she just dug her grave even deeper with several manipulative ploys. Nope, busted and your reaction has told me all I need to know.

I apologize easily and swiftly if I feel I may have made some sort of minor blunder. I can hear and own what someone says to me even if it stings a little or I have to think think about it.
I do NOT play mind games, lie, cheat, manipulate or otherwise have any major character defects and I don’t tolerate character defects even with an apology.

ucme's avatar

No, an apology is welcomed but never expected/anticipated.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am most definitely owed apologies, but I’m not going to dwell on it. It’ll make me bitter and I don’t wanna be bitter.

blueiiznh's avatar

There are situations that occur where an apology should be given.
“Owed” has a connotations of to be indebted to.
IMHO the purpose of an apology is relationship repair.
The absence of a sincere apology, the wounded person may nurse a grudge for years.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, for some people, an apology means they are admitting to doing something wrong….and it would wreck their self-impression of NEVER doing anything WRONG.

blueiiznh's avatar

@Dutchess_III I agree, but people need to realize that it is ok to be human and make mistakes. It is what we do and learn from those mistakes that matters most.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I agree with you @blueiiznh, and I really feel sorry for those who…can’t fess up to a mistake. It’s got to be misery.

Pele's avatar


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