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tedibear's avatar

Have you ever been right on the edge of a positive emotional breakthrough? Did you get to the other side?

Asked by tedibear (17610points) November 1st, 2011

And if you did get there, what kind of work helped you? Writing? Talking to someone? Talking to yourself?

I feel like I’m right on the edge of understanding something that could bring some very positive things to my life. Particularly my marriage, but my emotional life in general as well. It feels like I’m trying to catch a dancing fairy who keeps escaping! I want to catch these thoughts and make them more solid. A part of me is scared to do that work. I struggle with an odd thing that I call fear of success. Yet, I know the right thing is to get at those ideas and make them my reality.

Have you been in this kind of place? How did it go for you? And is there hope for me?

I’m headed for bed now, but will look forward to the collective’s responses tomorrow afternoon.

Props to Marinelife for recommending the book “Self Parenting. It’s part of how I’ve been more aware of these ideas.

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9 Answers

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes and Yes. There were years I spent in a relationship I knew I would eventually leave but I was getting on my feet and he was actively supporting me in this. Friends and family would ask, how can you stand to stay, just leave! I hung in there though because I refused to leave with nothing to show for all my investment and struggle. I wasn’t even sure if there would be any emotional epiphany after I left and took my life back but there was and it was GREAT!

I believe there is hope for just about everyone if you’re willing to make a plan and work on it, even sacrifice a little to get it. I know, I know… it’s so uncool to make sacrifices these days but I can say mine were worth it.

Cruiser's avatar

Yes. Many times and it almost always involves just doing….just doing what it takes to do what needs to be done. Wedding vows and assisting my wife to give birth and buying my company are a few of the biggies.

bkcunningham's avatar

I had an mantra I repeated over and over and over and over and over. Outloud, to myself, in a whisper, in a scream, through tears, to put myself to sleep…I deserve to be happy. I am going to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I am going to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I am going to be happy. I am happy.

blueiiznh's avatar

He is able who thinks he is able. ~Buddha

Of course you can do it.
Stay away from all-or-nothing thinking.
When you think “all-or-nothing” you see circumstances as either black or white with not much in between. Shift to someplace in the gray.
Have well balanced emotions. Words like: always, never, impossible, terrible and perfect, are rigid and allow little room for interpretation or flexibility. Living somewhere in the middle is a better position and leads to improved balance.

Would you rather be right or happy? Don’t be stubborn. Don’t undermine success and happiness.
Stubbornness can cost you. You could miss an opportunity to consider a different point-of-view. The need to be right cultivates more negative thoughts because of an unwillingness to let go of whatever the issue is. To find some peace and happiness, sometimes you just need to let it go.

The Four Agreements is a very powerful book. I suggest going to your Library and picking it up.
From the Book The Four Agreements can be summed up as follows:
(1) Be Impeccable With Your Word.
(2) Don’t Take Anything Personally.
(3) Don’t Make Assumptions.
(4) Always Do Your Best.

I wish you the best

Keep_on_running's avatar

“I want to catch these thoughts and make them more solid”

This I can really relate to. It can be so hard to make a new found positive opinion or thought stick with me, when I start to feel really good about life again it always disappears. Sometimes I feel I’m at war with my logic, emotion and rose-colored glasses – one big muddle. The more I mature, the more I feel I might be able to reach the other side, it just might take a while for me.

lifeflame's avatar

Yes, and quite recently (again) too.

Fear is good, because it shows that you care about it.
But if you look at it carefully, you realise that you have nothing to lose. Nothing of importance. In fact, if it’s the “fear of success”, you realise that if you dont’ try.. well, you won’t have anything anyway if you don’t try.

So the trick is:you TAKE THE PLUNGE, and let everything else follow from there.
I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like when you follow your heart, all these things start falling into place.
Self talk, people talk, all those are precursors which might or might not help, but ultimately it comes down to going for it. Look into your heart: if it’s the right decision, just go for it!

cookieman's avatar

I was in a really dark place after my father died and much of my family imploded. I talked with someone about it and how to make improvements in my life for about a year. It helped a lot and we mapped out a pretty good plan.

Then reality kicked in and between work, kids and other day-to-day responsibilities, I never implemented it.

Regularly I reflect on it and think, “someday”. Truth is, I’ll likely be dead before that happens.

Ah well. Such is life.

marinelife's avatar

I have had several of these times. They are very important to who I am today and to changes I have made in how I respond to life and people.

Most of them have come with the help of therapists. Some just talk therapy. Others using movement therapy, which was very vital to me at one time.

I would say try some short-term talk therapy to move forward.

wundayatta's avatar

If you think there’s a magic bullet, then I fear you will be disappointed. Relationship stuff isn’t magic. It’s just hard work. Success isn’t something to fear. It’s not like you’re at a job and you’re afraid to do a good job.

In relationships, it is certainly possible to do things to sabotage the relationship. Perhaps it is a fear that the other person will leave you. They always do, you know. That is to say, many of us think that. My attitude was that if it seemed like the relationship was in danger of turning into something that would make me really happy, I’d start pushing the person away because I knew if it got really good before it died, it would be much worse than if it was only somewhat good before it died. There is no question that it will die. It’s just a matter of how long.

This is coming from someone who has been in a relationship that has been going on for 23 years (21 married).

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