Social Question

Palindrome's avatar

I have disdain for my predicament. Any advice?

Asked by Palindrome (1084points) December 1st, 2011

I’m a college freshman and this is my first semester.
People in college always say “you shouldn’t talk about high school”, but I’m going to in a way of background info.
I was the well rounded student in high school. Class historian and knew mostly everyone in my class. I strayed from cliques, but kept a circle of close friends. I was involved in a lot and worked hard.

Now I’m in college. My freshman class just seems like partying superficial nitwits. I’m not anti-social, but since the beginning of the semester, I’ve become anti-social. It’s hard to establish friends with so many people here. Nothing interests me as much as it used to. I’m a pretty down to earth and friendly, I just don’t want to put myself out there in this unfamiliar environment. I don’t have time to really join any clubs this semester. This is more of a commuter university so everyone is mostly on their own agendas. I’m an hour away from home & I truly feel a difference when I do go home. I’m not homesick, or at least I don’t think I am because I’ve adapted to my everyday routine of school and work.
When I do go home, I come back to my school feeling refreshed and balanced, but as time passes my depressive state dawns back on me. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to do that I’m passionate about. School, work, school, work.

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10 Answers

rojo's avatar

From the perspective of someone who is many years out of college but lives in a college town and deals with students on a regular basis; Most of the students I encounter are superficial nitwits who are only there because society says they should go to college after highschool. Sixty percent or more will not be there for their Sophomore year. You have time to join clubs, you just need to make yourself do it. Just be sure that they are clubs involved in something that interests you, preferably non scholastic related because you need a release outlet to let go of the tension created by your studies. I suggest you get involved with a caving club. Nothing like being outdoors and several hundred feet underground and knowing that you are dependent upon your own skills and that of your fellow cavers to bring reality to the forefront.

TexasDude's avatar

Come to my school.

whitetigress's avatar

You’re going to learn very soon that the point of college is to network. I think you pretend to know it all. Just because others talk about parties or seem like they’re nit wits it doesn’t mean you are better than them. To be honest, those people run America eventually. Why? Because they party together, and go to school, and talk about crappy stuff. I think you need to get over your “Catcher in the Rye” phase and soon and realize its about being social in order to be successful. I purged away and felt I understood it all being so young. I was so fucking wrong. The more people you know, and become genuine about knowing them, the more successful you will be in life by virtue of hardwork and networking. College really isn’t about observing other students. It’s about face time with you and your studies, and if you can become involved with whatever your major is the sooner and better off you will be dealing with the people you need to be dealing with, the people you will need to be networking with. Good luck, I hope you change your views, have an open mind about others don’t put others down just to put yourself up, take care.

Boogabooga1's avatar

:“The more people you know, and become genuine about knowing them, the more successful you will be in life by virtue”

Respect @ whitetigress

janbb's avatar

Sounds like you might be in the wrong college for you. There are great one out there with passionate involved students. Any chance of transferring to a non-commuter based school? Take a look at the book Colleges that Change Lives.

marinelife's avatar

Your situation does sound grim. College is a big adjustment from high school where you got very comfortable after four years.

You need to find the time to make friends. See if there is someone whose responses in class that you admire. Introduce yourself to them and start talking about the class.

I also went to a large metropolitan university with a big commuter population, and I was lonely my freshman year. It took time to make friends and get settled in.

Give yourself that time. I know you say that you don’t have time for clubs. Why not? You don’t have to be involved (like an officer), you could just go to the meetings and meet some people.

An hour commute each way takes 10 hours out of your week. Can you live any closer to school?

I think things will get better for you with time.

6rant6's avatar

I guarantee you some people are making friends, good friends, quality friends. What are they doing that you aren’t?

wundayatta's avatar

This school may not be right for you. You may want to transfer. Is there a school closer to home?

It may not be an issue of homesickness, but of being out of your element. You have a lot of social capital at home and the prospect of trying to rebuild all that may be too daunting. I never had any social capital at home, so college was an oasis for me. The first time I met people like myself. Of course, it wasn’t a party school. Students were very hard working at my school. Almost as hard working as the kids at Swarthmore.

You may be depressed and not desire to reach out.

This may be freshman doldrums and things will pick up next semester.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

This too shall pass. You will find something to be passionate about soon enough.

Palindrome's avatar

You thought wrong. I didn’t gain all of the relationships I have now through judging people. I’m the one who despises any one of prejudice. I am getting to know people, but the other freshmen that I am getting to know only seem to care for a party or an image rather than building their own character through school or whatever. I came here excited, open to everything and it’s taken me a semester to realize how grim my situation has become. I feel like I came across in my question as if I didn’t try. I have and this is my deduction from that. Please, I don’t want to come across as if I think I’m better than anyone. I don’t have disdain for those who party and live this exuberant social life, I just don’t understand why I can’t find people of more substance. To me, it’s a matter of respect, not some competition to see who’s better than who.

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