Social Question

partyrock's avatar

Should you search for love or not worry about it, in order for it to find you?

Asked by partyrock (3870points) January 19th, 2012

If someone is seeking love, and wants a relationship, is it better to continue living your life and have it come to you, or should you go out and find love yourself ?

Is it better to focus on yourself and be the best you, and let love come to you ?

How did love find you ? Did it happen randomly?

Were you “looking” or wanting love when you met your significant other ?

Or did it happen merely by coincidence or when you weren’t “expecting” to find love ?

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24 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

Well, I won’t talk about love.

But normally when I want to get my dick wet I fail. I come off as desperate. Once I give up and stop caring is when I can get some action.

edit :: I think you might be confusing love with sex.

partyrock's avatar

@johnpowell – That’s what me and my friend were talking about. That when someone “searches” for love, they usually come off desperate or sexual frustrated. I was talking to my friend about it because I’ve been feeling lonely and have been wanting a partner. He said to not worry about it and focus on myself.

Bellatrix's avatar

I know so many people who have searched for ‘love’ and it has been elusive until they gave up, got on with their lives and hey presto, Ms/Mr Right turned up. I have never ‘searched’ for a partner. My philosophy is, if you are out there living your live, you are becoming the interesting, vibrant person someone is looking for. They will find you because they will be doing similar things. My advice if anyone asks me where to find love is to go bush walking, take dance classes, take a bricklaying class, learn a language… whatever it is that appeals to them and while they are focusing on that, someone will probably show up who is right for them.

Blueroses's avatar

I agree with above ^^. If you’re searching, I think you’re more likely to settle or to try to force somebody into conforming to what you think a relationship should be. That’s not a good recipe for lasting happiness in my experience.

partyrock's avatar

Ok, so we got 2 above for focus on yourself :) gotcha :)

Blueroses's avatar

I count 3 votes for “don’t worry about it” :)
Focusing on yourself doesn’t mean be selfish either. I think it just means taking responsibility for your own happiness. When you’re projecting that confidence, it makes you attractive.

partyrock's avatar

@Blueroses – What about if you are already happy but want someone badly in your life so you search ?

deni's avatar

I think its okay to search for sex but not for love. True love works itself out and will find you when you’re least expecting it, or at least that’s been my experience with it! My last (and really first) love happened on a Craigslist rideshare across the country! Who would have thought that? I certainly wasn’t looking for love there, but I found it, and it lasted 2 years! I’ve never met someone so compatible with myself. Craigslist, of all places!

If you’re going to search, just be open minded. Try not to search for a certain “type”. In the process you might rule out your perfect match, without even knowing it. I think thats the problem with types, and searching in general.

SuperMouse's avatar

I think it is a bit of both. You have to work on yourself and being happy and content with who you are and they way you are. At the same time though, you have to put yourself out there in situations where you have potential to find love.

Blackberry's avatar

I don’t think so, one will just seem desparate and make irrational decisions just to keep someone. Let things go naturally through chemistry and spending time together and such.

mattbrowne's avatar

I would rather look for good relationships and be open how they might evolve.

Coloma's avatar

Well, the first thing is to realize that love does not come from another person.
Love is within, therefore, emotionally healthy people are not desperately seeking to find love.
They may be open, interested in sharing with another in a loving relationship but they are not spending every waking moment in a state of predatory pursuit, looking at everyone of the opposite sex like a leopard looks at a wild pig. lol

marinelife's avatar

I think that it is better to focus on living a full and rich life, and love will find you.

I knew a woman (very attractive, very smart and very nice) who was desperate to get married and have children. She had created a long and rigid list of dealbreakers. If a guy she was dating exhibited any of these traits, she dropped him. She would never just let a relationship develop, she came off as desperate and driven. It was sad.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I agree with the idea of focusing on yourself and letting it find you. That’s how things happened with my husband. I decided to focus on myself (and my son) and spent my time enjoying my life. I met my husband at a gaming weekend. We flirted, but I didn’t think anything into it at the time. A month later, another gaming weekend and some more flirting. Again, I thought nothing of it because I was just having fun. A month later, he was hosting the gaming weekend at his house and I was invited to come along. I did, we flirted some more, and ended up going on our first official date after the gaming weekend was over. We’ve been together ever since and it’s been wonderful. The whole experience was better than any relationship I got into because I was looking for one.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Make someone you like a friend first, then, if they make the cut, make them a best friend. If you two find romance, make your best friend your partner. That’s what I did and I’ve never regretted it for a moment. : ))

SpatzieLover's avatar

Love finds you.
You can only search for or find love from yourself.

The best love finds you when you are at your best.

HungryGuy's avatar

I searched for love for years and never found it. Now, I just write kinky sex stories about women enslaved as sex slaves, and just let kinky women write to me for “fun” and “adventure.”

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Is it better to focus on yourself and be the best you, and let love come to you?
I found when I was feeling at my best and most clear then I was able to better recognize good people who were interested in me.

How did love find you? Did it happen randomly? Were you looking for love?
It wasn’t random because I was looking out for a good loving person to cross paths with. My guy came with references, some sketchy and some very promising so once I gauged his interest in me, I started weighing the odds, started assigning value. We were similar in our values, what we wanted out of life and a partner so it was easier for us to date. We both acknowledged we had specific expectations. We both knew we weren’t just killing boredom or loneliness.

Blueroses's avatar

Well said @SpatzieLover.

Look at the answers on this thread. There is a universal theme here.

What about if you are already happy but want someone badly in your life so you search ?

We all have those days. Even people in happy relationships will sometimes look at his/her partner and sigh, “Even you don’t know me.”

The drug-high of infatuation doesn’t last, no matter what you try. You have to have a solid sense of yourself to get over the love-drug opiate and also understand that it is a universal human condition. If you can be unselfish, remember that your partner has the very same feelings.

If you’re looking for the high to come from another person, you’ve missed the point of happiness and you will come across as desperate. When you relax and accept that life without a lover could be just fine, really… love does come to you.

partyrock's avatar

@Blueroses – I like that answer :)

Paradox25's avatar

I think that most women tend to wait for love to find them while men are more likely to seek love, thanks to social gender constructs. Personally I think that if there is true chemistry between two people they both find each other when not even trying to.

partyrock's avatar

@Paradox25 – Great answer.

CaptainHarley's avatar


One more reason why I prefer the “marry your best friend” approach. I had just been operated on for cancer, my ex divorced me, and I gave up and was just waiting to die. Then I met Vicky. We became friends, then best friends, then she asked me to come visit, and when I was getting ready to leave, she asked me to marry her. : ))

EverRose11's avatar

I believe when you really want something, The Universe rally’s around you and it just happens. No I do not believe in chasing around looking for Love. Love is something that happens when it is meant too.

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