Social Question

mostlyclueless's avatar

How to handle gossip getting out about you?

Asked by mostlyclueless (701points) April 28th, 2012

I had a roommate for a few years who I was initially close to, and then things went south. She thought the guy I was dating was a “loser who dressed badly” and got very hostile toward me when I didn’t dump him (because she didn’t like him). She started picking on me with minor things about dishes, noise, etc—stuff that had never been a problem for the years we had lived together previously.

We each had our own view of the situation; it has been a long time and I still think she was about 90% wrong in everything that happened, and I’m sure she thinks the same about me.

We have fairly broad and well-connected social circles, and it got back to me that she was trash-talking me to anyone who would listen. I distanced myself from all of her close friends and am polite when I have to see them.

I have been invited to a birthday party soon for a close friend, who happens to be close friends with the old roommate’s close friends. I am sure she has said terrible things about me to them.

I want to go to my friend’s party, but I worry it will be terribly awkward. Should I just go and not acknowledge the gossip of the past?

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7 Answers

Kayak8's avatar

Go if you think it will be a fun party. As for the rest of it, when someone is a gossip, I discount 90% of what they say and it reflects far worse on them than the person they are speaking about. I would go and hold my head high and make an effort to speak kindly about anyone I am discussing. You will appear to be a class act!

janbb's avatar

Yup – you got it!. just go and don’t acknowledge the gossip.

ucme's avatar

Ignore it for the inconsequentional shit that it truly is, spewed from the mouths of sad, pitiful souls…...or something like that.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Go the party and enjoy the people who haven’t been swayed by your overzealous ex roomie. Reasonable people might have heard her out but maybe they didn’t agree with or believe whatever she’s talked about. Besides, it will be a good opportunity for people to go ahead and measure whatever gossip against what they see of you with their own eyes.

blueiiznh's avatar

Prove the gossip wrong. Just be you.
Never let someone else’s words diminish who you are allow you to cower.
Enjoy and have a great time. Ignore gossip as you know what gossip really means.

Nullo's avatar

Go. Be prepared to give the real story.

tranquilsea's avatar

I had my MIL trash talk me for years to relatives. I’d meet someone for the first time and they had that look: the one you where you know they’ve heard something bad about you. I’d just take a deep breath and be me. By the middle of the conversation I could see the point where they looked a bit puzzled then they let loose and conversed with me normally. It was an uphill battle for years. But, honestly, the only one who looked bad was my MIL.

It sucks but you cannot control what other people say about you. All you can do is be you. The people who would judge you based on someone else’s opinion of you are not worthy of your time nor friendship.

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