General Question

LeavesNoTrace's avatar

Has anyone ever seen this (or similar) requests on a death notice?

Asked by LeavesNoTrace (5663points) June 15th, 2012

Hello all,

One of my colleagues tragically passed two weeks ago from cancer, leaving behind a bereaved husband and 3 month old son. She was German and worked remotely from her home abroad so sadly, I never met her in person.

Our company received a death announcement with funeral information from her family and I noticed at the end it said “Please refrain from offering condolences at the graveside.”

It makes sense I suppose because the graveside services is usually an intimate family event but to expressly request not be approached is something I haven’t seen yet. Is this more common in countries like Germany and Northern Europe?

Just an FYI, I’m not judging or criticizing just curious.

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8 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I haven’t seen any such thing. I’m okay with it. I wouldn’t want to be bothered by everyone and their mother saying the same damn thing to me when I’m devastated.

LeavesNoTrace's avatar


I agree. I think funerals are overwhelming enough without being swarmed by people.

Sunny2's avatar

Haven’t seen it before, but I’m in favor of it. Having to be “social” when you’re devastated with grief is difficult. Yet, you see the “receiving line” at many funerals. Just sign the guest book and get out of there. Go to the “reception” if there is one and talk to the deceased family and friends as seems appropriate.

Ponderer983's avatar

I’ve never seen it, but I’m fine with it saying that. If they only want it to be very intimate at the grave site, that’s their right.

zenvelo's avatar

I’ve often seen “Internment private” but not “no condolences at gravesite.” But I have heard of many “celebrations of life” with “please bring your happiest (funniest, most joyful) memory to share with the family.”

Many families, especially if someone has been sick for a long time, have endured enough suffering, and wish to remember the good times, and not the decline of the deceased. And often families know that within their belief system, the person is now in a much better place and relieved of their pain and agony.

bkcunningham's avatar

I would guess they are Jewish. The funeral is focused on the deceased and not the living. There is an appropriate time when condolences should be given to the mourners, but usually not at the graveside of a Jew.

Trillian's avatar

I kind of like it. People often don’t know what to say, and consequently, they say something lame just for the sake of saying something. Which is frequently unhelpful, and seemingly asking for thanks. the more I think about it, the more I really like it.

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