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AnonymousWoman's avatar

NSFW: How can I get BJs to not feel like such a chore?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6520points) June 17th, 2012

Sometimes they feel like a chore to me and I don’t like that.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

rebbel's avatar

Decrease the frequency by fifty percent, to start with.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Simply learn to delegate unpleasant tasks, don’t take on more than you can handle!

wundayatta's avatar

What parts feel the most chorelike to you?

bookish1's avatar

ARE they a chore? That is, are they something that is expected regularly of you whether or not you are in the mood for giving oral? Does your partner reciprocate with oral on you? The deeper dynamic of your sex life might need to be examined…

Myself, I can’t give enough head, but if someone expected a bj daily or something, I might resent that and start to think of it as a chore too.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@wundayatta When it feels like it has become too much of a routine… when I feel like the guy is taking too long. Stuff like that. Maybe I’m just not patient enough…

@bookish1 This guy appreciates me giving him one whenever I see him and I know that’s what he wants. He is not unfair, though, so I feel bad.

bookish1's avatar

@AnonymousGirl: Have you tried looking up different techniques or changing up your routine? There’s lots of tips and ideas to be found online. Not all male assigned people can come easily from blow jobs, either.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

^ Yes, I’ve looked many things up before. It’s just frustrating to me because I’m used to getting it… Maybe it’s an expectation problem.

Trillian's avatar

It was never a chore for me, but I wanted the person I was with. That was somehting I always wanted. Maybe reassess your relationship?

wundayatta's avatar

I’m afraid @Trillian is right. The reason we become bored with someone is because the relationship is having a problem. The interaction is not as exciting and communicative as it once was. Perhaps you are feeling taken for granted. Like he marches in, sits down, pulls down his fly and says “suck me,” without any other words. And this happens not just once, but over and over.

A relationship needs to change and grow, and lovemaking needs to be a part of that. There are two people here. You both are responsible for making things fun.

I think you need to tell him that what you are doing isn’t working for you and is making you resent him. If he does not want to change and make it better, that’s a bad sign. But if you have a working relationship, then when you tell him, he should be very concerned and want you to regain your pleasure at pleasuring him. I suggest you two talk about it. Hopefully in a fun way. Don’t wait for a fight to bring this up.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Is he reciprocating every time?

AnonymousWoman's avatar

There is no problem with him reciprocating. He wants to do that more than I want him to. And no, I don’t feel taken for granted. I know he appreciates me. I’m just not into it as much as he is…

bookish1's avatar

@AnonymousGirl : Have you told him this? Not everyone likes giving oral, and that’s fine. There’s no rule that says you have to enjoy giving blowjobs if you are a woman who likes men.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

He knows. We are pretty open with each other. This might affect the advice you give and it might not, but it’s probably a useful bit of information to know that we aren’t dating. We’re good friends who met each other in High School and have a “friends with benefits” relationship going on.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Have you tried chocolate sauce? Smear some on his cock, lick it off.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Nope, but that’s a good idea. Thanks for it. =)

wundayatta's avatar

Or ice.
Or whiskey.
Whipped cream.

If you want to go the substance route.

But if it’s fwb, then it’s likely there isn’t that much oomph to the relationship. It’s that oomph that usually makes people really excited about pleasuring their partner.

janbb's avatar

Try using you hand as well as your mouth – it goes (or comes) faster.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

Blowjobs never feel like a chore for me.

dontmindme's avatar

I don’t enjoy giving them, so that makes it feel like a bit of a chore for me. It doesn’t mean there is a problem in my relationship or that I don’t love my SO, like some here are suggesting. I gag easily and it makes my neck and jaw hurt. Does that sound fun? Not to me.

I love my SO and I want to please him and make him happy, even though pleasing him is uncomfortable and chore like for me. and no, I don’t need any new techniques. I know them all and it is still uncomfortable for me. K. thanks. I’m just here to let @AnonymousGirl know she is not alone. =)

Aethelflaed's avatar

Yeah, but are you giving them, or getting them?

Aethelflaed's avatar

@dontmindme We’re not trying to suggest that the only way it could be a chore is if there’s a problem in the relationship, just rule a deeper issue out so as to give better advise.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@dontmindme Thanks for saying that. I really appreciate it. Yeah, I know he would love for me to let him go extremely far, but I don’t find this extremely easy to do and that doesn’t make me feel very good… =(

@Aethelflaed Who is that question for?

tedd's avatar

This may be a dumb question but… have you tried moving onto sex?

mazingerz88's avatar

How about reading a good book while you’re at it? Lol.

As a guy, I wouldn’t enjoy a bj if I sensed that I’m getting it from someone who feels it’s a chore. Maybe it’s just me. Me and my dick could sense these things. If I was your guy and I’m aware of your situation, I’ll try to “mindfuck” you first.

By that I mean turning you on even before we get to any actual physical foreplay. My goal would be, by the time you’re ready, you’re not just ready to blow but you’re more like this female werewolf who is raging to devour. Now that would just blow my head off. My actual head. Up there. : )

bookish1's avatar

@mazinger: I wouldn’t enjoy a bj if I sensed that I’m getting it from someone who feels it’s a chore. Seconded.

However, careful how you throw around the word “mindfuck.” It means something entirely different in BDSM circles ;-)

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@tedd Yes, but sex does not come as easily to me as it seems to come for so many others.

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