There are men with what are called “hotwives,” who like to see their wives cuckold them. They do it in a variety of ways—some of which involve risky sex and some not quite so risky sex. Then, after the wives have screwed the random stranger, the husband will go and have sex with her, including going down on her and tasting what is there.
It’s hard for me to write about because it just seems icky and disgusting, and the story I tell myself is that there is something psychologically problematic with these men having to do with a need for humiliation, as @zenvelo suggests. The story I tell myself is that they do not feel worthy of being exclusive with their woman. She is too beautiful for them to keep, so if they let her have her way with other men, they can keep her.
At the same time, it is a way of controlling her. Objectifying her. She has sex with who the husband tells her to have sex with. So even though he may not be worthy of her, he can still humiliate her by telling her to have sex with whoever he approves of, and then she does it, supposedly for him.
It is a way of playing games and of manipulating emotions and I hesitate to say it is unhealthy, because I don’t want to judge other people’s relationships and sexual experiences, but I do feel it is unhealthy. I do feel it objectifies the couple and makes them play out roles that aren’t what they really want to be.
I think that people seek out a lot of sex for a variety of reasons, but often it has to do with low self esteem. When you can attract many partners, then it can give you a sense of power. It can also give you a sense of being not very good, too. It can work in opposite ways, so it is hard to predict in advance whether it will be good or bad. But most people I know who have behaved in this way eventually get to a place where they decide they want more exclusive relationships, if not completely exclusive ones.
If you had a long distance partner, I could see them wanting you to have many “meaningless” sexual experiences because they can’t be with you. This way, you get sex, but there isn’t a risk of you leaving them, because it’s all about sex, whereas your relationship is one of the heart, pure and indeed, unsullied by sex.
The advent of real sex in a formerly long distance relationship might be very threatening to a person who had had such a relationship, since they might not feel like they would be adequate. They might prefer not to upset the apple cart and have the partner engage in sex with strangers or whatever, even though it would be possible for the two to be together physically.
Because a person acts like they aren’t jealous doesn’t necessarily mean they are not jealous. My inclination would be to believe they have a very tight lid on something. I would suspect they have esteem issues and that they don’t believe they deserve someone for themselves. They find themselves inadequate in some way. Or in many ways. So, to fight off their feelings on inadequacy, and their feeling that no one would be loyal to them anyway, they make a virtue of necessity. They order their partner to fuck others.
I have played with this idea in my head, especially when I was manic and depressed. I have never actually gone through with it, and I would never want to go through with it as long as I was healthy. But I can see myself seeing it differently if I was sick. I could get a charge out of ordering a woman to perform for me with other men. It would be a sick, hungry charge, but it would make life very exciting. There would be a lot of danger. It would risk everything in a relationship. It would be totally crazy, and that is what I would want.
I have a hard time imagining wanting this in a healthy way. But that’s just me.
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