Social Question

bahamamama's avatar

I'm Straight, but tired of men always expecting sex on the first date! Are Gay women this way?

Asked by bahamamama (80points) July 11th, 2013

Do gay women see other women as sex objects?

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26 Answers

bookish1's avatar

Hey, welcome to Fluther.

How would any of us be able to make such a vast generalization?
Gay women are humans, and humans are diverse, complicated, and difficult to categorize. By default, some of them will regard other women as sex objects, and some of them are respectful and looking for a serious connection.

Straight men might be more inclined to treat women as sex objects, because that is how our culture expects and permits men to act. But that is a reason, not an excuse. For what it’s worth, plenty of gay men view other men as sex objects too. It’s not the gender or sexuality, it’s the person that’s the problem.

Maybe the problem is not the gender you’re dating, but the pool you are drawing from. Are you doing online dating? Lots of men just use that for a quick hookup. Are you dating younger men? Most of them have not grown the hell up yet.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

I don’t know if it’s ever fair to believe in stereotypes, but lesbians are more known for wanting love, romance, and commitments. Sure, they want the sex, too, but I wonder if many of them really go out on the prowl in search of quick hook-ups?

JLeslie's avatar

I doubt it. It will be interesting to see the answers. A gay male friend of mine once told me that lesbian relationships tend to be more stable with less cheating and that sort of drama, because it is two women, and well, two men increase the odds of sex happening outside of the relationship. Women also tend to be more likely to be very loyal even outside of sex, and nuturing. Men have all that testosterone floating around LOL. That was his opinion anyway. I would guess that also carries over to dating practices. However, he is in his 70’s now, and in young lesbians might be very different, because young women in general are very different with how sexual they were early on in relationships than back 50 years ago. No generalization would be true for everyone, but I do think we can make some conclusions about general expectations and behavior.

syz's avatar

Just as with men, if you’re meeting the wrong sort of people or giving the wrong sort of vibe, then yes, lesbians will be just as likely to want/expect sex on the first date.

(Don’t get me wrong, as a gross generalization, I think men are dogs, but women can be dogs, too.)

serenade's avatar

Would you rather sex on the first date, or a U-Haul on the second?

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

It’s interesting how we’re all tip-toeing through our posts, trying to avoid stereotypes, and hedging our opinion in soft language. I think that’s a good thing; it’s tactful and sensitive.

Maybe the question to ask is: Do women see [men/other women/both] as sex objects?

I guess some women do, and go out in search of fast sex and one-night stands. It’s irrelevant whether such women are gay or heterosexual.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Ladies, have you ever dated someone who turned-down your willingness and desire to have sex with him?

Certainly, just about any guy will jump at the chance to have sex with just about any woman. But, I’m sure there are some men out there who have religious and/or moral reasons for needing to wait.

marinelife's avatar

Some do. You are just interacting with the wrong men.

bahamamama's avatar

All interesting and helpful response…I’m reminded of the movie When Harry Met Sally.

rory's avatar

I’m a gay woman. I’ve had sex on the first date before, but I don’t make a habit of it. I objectify women the same way straight guys do—while watching a movie, I“m liable to comment on how hot an actress is. But I don’t pressure people into sex, nor do I EVER expect it on a first date.

That said, I know gay girls who treat women like trash. It’s not about sexual orientation, it’s about whether or not you’re a decent person.

please don’t be one of those straight women who tries to “turn gay” because they “hate men”. us lesbians have a job weeding out who’s really queer and who’s just taking a vacation from dicks.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@rory “Sexual tourism” is a very unfortunate thing, and it bears no relationship to questioning or uncertainty. Sexual orientation isn’t some game to be played as a lark.

bahamamama's avatar

@ worries I’m heterosexual…not thinking about a change. ...but at times I just want to talk without that lingering pressure to have sex before I even know someone! Perhaps its not so much the men I’m seeing. I’m thinking alcohol may be a factor in people’s behavior. I will give that some thought… :)

JLeslie's avatar

So, on first dates you both are drunk? I can only think of two first dates where the guy had a drink. One was a blind date and horrible. Thank goodness it was with another couple. I was kind of the fourth brought along. He didn’t try to make any moves. Even if we had clicked I don’t think he would have. Another was also a blind date, and he just had a glass of wine with dinner. He would have had sex with me in a minute I think, but he never pressured me in any way. All my other first dates there was no alcohol. Some were dinner out, others a movie, lunch, library, and so on.

bahamamama's avatar

@jleslie…lol I wouldn’t say drunk…....if so I don’t think I would have posed the question because I would have just done it haha !!!!!!!!!!

JLeslie's avatar

@bahamamama But, drinking, impaired a little. Yeah, maybe rethink that. Just that you say if you were drunk you might have gone along with the sex is a little scary to me. In your circles maybe everyone drinks whenever they are out, but there are a bunch of people who don’t. I met my husband in dance club, I first laid eyes on him while he was dancing on a speaker with another girl next to him. Neither of us drink really. Extremely rare. Neither of us were drinking that night, and on our first date We both ordered Coke no ice and I thought it was an unbelievable coincidence, not ever having met someone who ordered it without ice outside of my family. LOL. Match made in heaven. Sometimes people who drink regularly assume those who don’t are boring and stay at home, are very religious, or are recovering alcoholics. Huge misconception. I am not assuming you think that, but just putting it out there. Now, if you like to drink yourself, that’s a different thing, but it does kind of keep you in those circles where people are always drinking.

JLeslie's avatar

In case anyone is curious, I started a Q asking if men expect sex on the first date.

bahamamama's avatar

Ok… Ill go to your question. next… I got my answer to my question here. See this all started after me and a guy went to a gay bar and I observed 2 lesbian women who to me seemed to be just getting to know each other. I can’t be certain but I just got that feeling…in the meantime my male date was all over me I just wondered do lesbian women feel pressured for sex very early in a relationship. It seems that just like with heterosexuals the answer is “it depends on the person.”

augustlan's avatar

You are going out with the wrong dudes, I think. ;)

Katniss's avatar

@rory Lmao! Your comment about taking a “vacation from dicks” has me cracking up!
Thank you!

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Men have come to expect sex quicker than in days past because women lowered the bar, so more men think they can get over it now. Society is telling women to go sow their wild oaks like men and to do so is healthy with no connotations of being a whore attached to it. Madison Avenue will sell anything with a slender attractive woman because as far as beauty is concerned it is still the gold standard whether people want to believe it or not. Would you by a weight loss shake with a fat woman hawking it in the ad? Psychologically one would think it doesn’t work, because if she is suppose to be using it and it did not work for her, it won’t work for me.

I know there are women who view men as just a human dildo, an available dumbstick for a night or a short period of time. I would guess there are lesbians who view other women as just an object piece to get off on, instead of ”madam Palmela, and her five daughters” in the shower; or the trusty battery backup. Seeing that sex is more of a commodity, another think on the relationship/dating punch list, instead of something special it once was, I am not surprised.

augustlan's avatar

Wild OAKS? It’s oats, man. OATS.

rojo's avatar

some of us are oaks.

augustlan's avatar

^^ In your dreams. :p

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@augustlan You’re super-witty this evening. I’m sitting here, literally laughing at some of your posts. Thank you; it’s been a challenging, tiring day, and I needed a lift.

augustlan's avatar

Aw, thanks, @SadieMartinPaul. I needed that lift. :)

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