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Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One's avatar

Married people: Have you ever thought you were actually meant to be single?

Asked by Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One (3901points) May 2nd, 2015

Of course, feel free to weigh-in if you are not married as well.

I’ve had this thought off and on throughout the years. The feeling is that I wasn’t meant to do what I’m doing… as if I made a colossal mistake getting married and starting a family.

Every once in a while I just wish that I was hiking in the alps with no responsibility but myself. Selfish? Sure. But it’s there.

Have you ever felt this? Have you ever done anything as a result?

It’s as if the plot of “It’s a wonderful life” has been plopped down at my feet every once in a while. The difference is that I don’t get Clarence to show me the other side.

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18 Answers

ucme's avatar

I wasn’t “meant” to be anything, we all are a blank canvas when we’re born, it’s then up to us how we colour our lives.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@ucme up to us partly. Up to our financial status throughout our lives, up to our health, up to our upbringing, up to the path fate chose for us. So exactly how much is up to us?

As for the question asked, I guess it is normal to wonder about the path not taken.

janbb's avatar

My Ex decided that after 37 years so now, like it or lump it, Clarence is showing me the other side. Truth is, there are advantages to both. I get to do what I want when I want, have the whole bed to myself, eat whatever I want and see only friends that I like. I’ve done a lot more and grown a lot more. The downside is there are times when I am very lonely and the future is scary…..Only you can decide which is preferable, or as in my case, it might be decided for you and you are left to cope.

marinelife's avatar

No, I am definitely better and happier in relationship.

If you are not, there are things you can do to stretch your wings outside of the relationship without just summarily dumping it.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

NOPE! Being married is the best thing I ever did, I couldn’t wouldn’t or want to think of my life without Mrs Squeeky in it.

ucme's avatar

@ZEPHYRA All except health, we make our own financial status through hard work & as for “the path fate chose for us”, you’re fucking kidding right?

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
josie's avatar

My ex-wife compelled me to conclude that I was meant to be single.

wsxwh111's avatar A book which totally changes my opinions of love and marriage

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

First of all, you would not be human if you ever questioned whether being married is the right thing for you. Everyone doubts their choices. Some do it a lot, some once in a while. I saw a recent photo of George Clooney today with his wife and it spoke volumes. There is a guy who must be asking the same question…at least that is what the photo conveyed. He looked like he wanted to be in the Alps with you…:)

I do think that a lot of people are meant to be single as in they are “destined” by their upbringing, choices and life’s path to be so. I have three or four friends (male and female) who never married and are at mid-life. They do not plan to marry as of this writing. They have been in relationships but have chosen “not to drink the Kool-Aid” as one said to me.

I had two sets of maiden aunts who never married, looked great into their old age and were lively and happy. Did they have regrets? Perhaps. But they lived a relatively carefree life, did as they pleased and answered to no one except themselves. I still believe that is why they had a good quality of life. No one wants to ever talk about how being married to Mr Wrong/Ms Wrong ages you, contributes to your ill health and is generally emotionally draining. Add children to the equation and a mortgage and this gets to be a huge burden. At that point the unhappy couple decide to “stay together for the kids” or the tax break or because they are too exhausted to think of going through a divorce.

If you happen to love companionship, are lucky enough to be married to your soulmate/twin soul…that is fantastic. Count your blessings. I think that is truly a gift in this world. There are people meant to be married/joined together and happily so. I know some couples like that, too.

Ever wonder why nuns live so long? They are_ single_, Well, you could argue they are technically married…to Jesus. But that is ultimately like being married to the perfect Jewish guy who is popular and has a great job that keeps him away from home for thousands of years at a time. This leaves His “wife” to pursue her own interests like praying the rosary, teaching, campaigning for human rights, making CD’s of Gregorian or Hildegard of Bingen chants or maybe even flying (think Sister Bertrille).There are no kids or mortgages either. This isn’t hiking the Alps, but if you talk to a nun, they seem really happy with their choices. Were they meant to be single? Yes.

Other people are meant to be single and are pushed into marriage…by their best friends (who as a single friend said once “most often want to share their purgatory with you”), by their families (who want extra members for the touch football team), or by their partners who have clocks ticking. It is hard to remain single in a society that thrives on coupling.

Ultimately, we are not meant to be like Greta Garbo. Some of us are pushed into “single life” through too many betrayals, losses or bereavement. I still think that marriage is not for the faint-hearted. Being single is just as challenging in its own way. When I find myself with good friends that I trust and feel comfortable with, I marvel at how much more real, unconditional love and happiness I feel than in past marriage. I was probably not meant for marriage but it does mean that I was meant to be alone, either. I do not think it is that black and white. The friendships I have with the most marvellous people fill me with more love and laughter and cherished memories than a walk down the aisle did. That being said, it may have been because my choice was ill-fitting. My hat is off to the couples who endure and love with true hearts.

I do not have the most illuminating answer for you.

I think making time every year to spend a week or two hiking the Alps alone (or even visiting Cleveland alone or going fishing alone or going down Route 66 alone) would be a good thing for you to do to clear your head. This may be your “Clarence” time. You can return to the hearth fires feeling renewed or with a new perspective.

Counting blessings is a good thing but you cannot count them until you see them with new eyes.

Wishing you all the best.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Having been single for 10 years after my divorce, and now married, being married is a lot easier. You have someone to HELP.

cazzie's avatar

I’m not currently married, but I tried the marriage thing a couple of times. I think I’m completely over it. I don’t think I can bear sharing my space anymore. I don’t want anyone up in my business anymore either. I mean…. Mostly what I think of when people want to talk or spend time expressing their concern… I just feel compelled to say… Fuck off, already. I want to be alone. I treasure my privacy and my independence.

augustlan's avatar

I used to think I wasn’t meant to be married. Toward the end of my 17-year marriage, I thought I was a horrible wife…and always would be. As it turns out, I just wasn’t meant to be married to that person. I’m very happily married to the right person, now. Ten years this August!

Still, I’m very glad I married the ‘wrong’ guy first! We were happy for a long time and I got three great kids out of the deal. I know I was meant to be their mom. :)

fluthernutter's avatar


Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One's avatar

Wow hi. I understand you’re something of a legend around here. I’m glad you found the right one. :)

augustlan's avatar

@Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One Haha, I don’t think “legend” really fits. More like an “old-timer!”

fluthernutter's avatar

@AuggieDoggie So great to see you here! We’ve missed you. would be a terrible understatement.

@Apparently_Im_The_Grumpy_One Psshhh…don’t listen to the humble legend.

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