Social Question

SQUEEKY2's avatar

In your opinion what is the best way to deal with a coworker, who is simply mean and vindictive?

Asked by SQUEEKY2 (19380points) May 30th, 2015

And no you can’t just avoid them, it is a situation where you have to work with them.
No this isn’t a coworker of mine, it is one that Mrs Squeaky has to work with.

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45 Answers

SQUEEKY2's avatar

And NO!! Mrs Squeeky isn’t going to quit she really likes the job and pay, and hiring a hit man seems a little drastic, so again how would you deal with it??

ibstubro's avatar

I think we’d have to know a lot more about the situation to be of much help. Probably more than you’d be comfortable giving.

Personally I would be tempted to call them out on it. Just blandly say, “Well, that’s mean.”

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@ibstubro As a guy I totally agree with you, but women are not wired that way, they love to play these types of games,but this woman is truly just a mean person, I would NEVER hit a woman but this is one bitch that most everyone that knows her has to really hold back from just decking her.

marinelife's avatar

We would need some examples of what it entailed in her “meaness” to give good advice. Does she say mean things? Does she grab credit for projects? Does she give people the silent treatment?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@marinelife she will tell the boss no will help her, when she hasn’t asked anyone.
She will tell the boss so in so did a fuck up, when it wasn’t that person at all and she knew it.
she will get approval for a day off , people will be set up to cover for her and in the last second decide she will work the day after all, and not tell anyone.
and of course take credit for work she hasn’t done.
It would be a gift if she gave her coworker the silent treatment, as I said this woman is a complete nasty person ,I have only briefly met her a few times and instantly disliked her.
I feel very sorry for Mrs Squeaky that has to work with her.
Is that enough information to go on??

stanleybmanly's avatar

Well the one thing that can be said for this type is that risk for them of an ass whuppin is always just around the corner. Your wife may be a model of forbearance, but she merely has to bide her time with an inner smile at the thought that when the day of retribution arrives, there will probably be too many suspects to run down for conviction.

ibstubro's avatar

How long have they each worked there? Can Mrs. Squeeky find another job? Honestly, this is a management problem, and it’s not going to go away.

I was ultimately fired (then retired) for telling off a guy that ate his lunch from everyone else’s bags. It was common knowledge. I caught him eating mine one day and gave him a loud voice treatment. He reported that he was humiliated. I was cheered by the employees, fired by management.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@ibstubro Isn’t it funny when these ASSHOLES are called on it ,they all of a sudden are the poor little victim?
How do they do that?? and most of all how do they do that so well??

Berserker's avatar

I’m actually finding myself in a very similar situation and it’s depressing me, so I’m just going to keep reading these answers. :/

zenvelo's avatar

There are two aspects of this:

1) Mrs Squeaky and how she comports herself to not be aggravated by this woman. That takes a lot of ignoring the woman, not getting drawn into games. It is hard, but sometimes one must just smile and let the mean person stew in their own juices.

2) Boss’s view of the workplace. Mrs Squeaky and others need to stand up to take credit for work they have done, and to make sure others are given credit. If the boss is there, and mean person is taking credit, but Sally did it, Mrs Squeeze needs to praise Sally’s work to the boss. “Hey Boss, I really appreciated Sally taking the extra time to get me the report so that I could get it into you. Sally did it without any direction or assistance.”

The trick there is not to accuse Ms Mean of lying or taking undue credit but rather to state the truth and let the boss figure it out. If Ms Mean is consistently contradicted by the whole staff, the boss will realize that.

And the next time she “plans” a day off but shows up, ask the boss for direction.

“Boss, I had prepared to cover meanie’s task today, and spent extra time on my work to be able to cover it. But now she has shown up on her planned vacation day, what would you like me to focus on?”

Judi's avatar

Document document document.
With people like this you have to have copious amounts of documentation to support your cause when they try to stab you in the back.
My sister worked under someone like this and while he abused everyone in the department he didn’t dare go up against her because she was known as the documentation queen. Every contradictory statement or instruction was meticulously recorded. He may not have been able to keep track of his lies but she DID. He didn’t want to mess with her.

Dutchess_III's avatar

And the scary part is, that kind of person has the bosses ear. Has Mrs. Squeeky tried to talk to him, or send him an email.

snowberry's avatar

Agree. Document, document, document. And document some more. Make sure your documentation is time stamped, and password protected and backed up since she sounds like the sneaky vindictive type. One way to do this is send e-mails to a brand new e-mail account dedicated just for this purpose.

I learned this next part by dealing with the Division of Child and Family Services. They’re so good at changing the rules, ignoring the law, losing paperwork or just being A-holes that I started doing this: It saved my butt (only I used duplicate paper files stored in different locations and I sent everything to them notarized and by certified mail).

Whenever Mrs. Squeeky has to communicate by speech to MS Vindictive, make sure to follow up EVERY SINGLE conversation by e-mail so there cannot be any misunderstanding. MS Vindictive will hate it, but Mrs. Squeeky will be protected, and she can innocently explain that there’s been too many misunderstandings between them, so e-mail is the best way to keep things clear.

RadioFlyer's avatar

Mrs. Squeeky might try calmly and quietly inviting this woman for coffee, perhaps to be had privately in a Conference Room, or wherever. She first makes a little “small talk”, then gently asks if there is something that she said or did which may have offended this woman, and that she’d really like to be friends, if at all possible.

Then Mrs. Squeeky stands up, dumps her coffee on the woman’s head, and smacks the living shit out of her.

Problem solved…..

Zaku's avatar

I haven’t read the details, but in answer to the question itself, as asked, my first thought is: Report them to boss/HR? Get friends to anonymously report them to boss/HR?

janbb's avatar

Do other workers agree with Mrs. Squeaky about this person? It seems like she is doing the same obnoxious things to many. Why not get together and document these abuses and then have a representative or two go to the Boss with the proof of her misconduct. If there is a group stand against her, the Boss should listen.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Mrs Squeeky keeps a journal on everything and has all encounters dated for all the good it will do.

janbb's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 But are others doing the same thing? It would be good if she could avoid getting into a she said/she said situation with the Boss.

ucme's avatar

Easy, they should be slapped about the head & face with a sponge soaked in the zest of a fresh lemon, paying particular attention to their eyes.
Weep those bittersweet tears of redemption, thou foul smelling harlet of hell XD

cookieman's avatar

Ex Lax slipped into morning coffee. For a week.

marinelife's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 Wow, sounds miserable. I think the best thing would be for your wife to document what the women does for a week (or two if she is only occasionally mean). She (your wife) should try to get others to witness and acknowledge the woman’s acts. Then she should report the woman to her supervisor. (With other employees to back her up.)

RadioFlyer's avatar

Or, just smack the living shit out of her….

Berserker's avatar

@ucme…whoa dude. XD

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@marinelife I agree but these type jobs are not easy to get and are really well paying, so most of the women she works with, put up with this bitch’s antics afraid if they call her out on them she will play the poor victim,and she has gotten away with this for years,even though all the women that work with her dislike her greatly.

I really like @RadioFlyer idea, but Mrs Squeaky would never do anything like that ,and I would go to jail if I did that.

RadioFlyer's avatar

Well…..I am originally from New York and half-Sicilian. Things like this can be quietly “taken care of”.....if you know what I mean.

( No charge to you, of course…..)

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Hmmmm maybe we should talk ,capish??

ibstubro's avatar

Were that the case, you could take your big self to their work, back the offender into a corner, and say, “You mess with my wife again, and I’ll be back.” Make sure she’s about to pass out from breath before you relent.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

@Dutchess_III yeah Mrs Squeeky has sent her boss a few Emails, time will tell if that did any good as well.

RadioFlyer's avatar

What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully ? Had you come to me in friendship, then this scum who upset your wife would be suffering this very day….

jca's avatar

I agree with @janbb. The employees should band together and go speak to the supervisor or management and lay out all of the things that this woman has done. Seek suggestions and guidance from management and hopefully something will be done.

Coloma's avatar

I like @jca idea. Safety and solidarity in numbers. I think that’s the best idea and then, if Ms. bitchy, troublemaker KNOWS that EVERYONE feels the same about her behaviors, maybe, ( big maybe, but MAYBE ) she’ll get her act together and start being a team player, or maybe, she will quit because the jigs up. God I hate dysfunctional people. lol

janbb's avatar

^^That was my idea which @jca agreed with.

Coloma's avatar

Credit to the Penguin then. :-)

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I totally agree with you, but in todays world and with the economy the way it is,most people are very afraid of losing their job, so it is very hard to get people to band together.
And this bitch knows this and what I have said before these people although being the bully are truly amazing at becoming the poor little victim when called out.

janbb's avatar

@SQUEEKY2 Is this a union shop?

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Yes, but not a very strong one,and yes Mrs Squeaky has filed a grievance against this women and we will see where it goes.

janbb's avatar

Good – I was thinking a grievance would be a good way to go if she had a union.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I wish things were always so dang easy as common sense says they should be. It almost never it.

jca's avatar

I believe that in order for a grievance to “stand” it’s got to be a direct contractual violation. If it’s not a violation of something in the contract (something specific), then there is no grievance.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Ah true but this bitch, was playing at staffing since she decided to work the day at the last minute sent the one covering her in the morning home and called Mrs Squeaky not to come in she would be working, and telling Mrs Squeeky her day off wasn’t granted , which is a lie because it was staffing that got mrs Squeaky to do the shift, and the bitch wasn’t even on the duty roster that day.

jca's avatar

@SQUEEKY2: What you just wrote is very confusing and I can’t follow it. Just keep in mind what I wrote – a lot of people have gripes and genuine issues but they’re not actually grievances. Not sure what your contract says about staffing and as I said I am not sure what you wrote, but just FYI a grievance has to be a contractual violation.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Sorry, the mean one was after a day off.
Staffing called Mrs squeaky and another lady to fill in for the mean one.
It was Mrs squeaky day off along with this other woman , both Mrs Squeeky and this other woman didn’t want to work the whole shift so they told staffing they would split it.
Each would work four hours of ms.mean’s shift.
So staffing set it up for that,the first woman was coming off a graveyard shift so she would stay for 4 hours , then Mrs Squeeky would come in and finish the last 4 hours of ms.mean’s shift.
Staffing set it up,both ladies were on the duty roster that day to cover for Ms. mean.
CLEAR NOW??
Now the morning of that day ms.mean shows up and tells the first woman to go home she will work it, and texts Mrs Squeaky not to come in her day off wasn’t granted and she had to work the shift.
It was ms.mean’s regular shift, but her name wasn’t on the roster that day, Mrs squeaky and the other lady were. Ms .mean said staffing had denied her request for the day off and she was forced to work.
Now if that were true why did staffing get Mrs Squeaky and the other lady to cover the shift?
Why wasn’t Ms.mean’s name on the duty roster that day instead of MrsSqueeky’s and the other ladys ?
Does Ms.mean who is not any kind of a supervisor have the power to send the first lady home and tell Mrs Squeaky not to come in?
After staffing had indeed set the other two ladies to cover Ms,means shift.

snowberry's avatar

These are all questions to bring up to Human Resources. Hand them the information and let them deal with it. They don’t want to be paying people to work more hours than they need them for. And clearly she didn’t have authority to send anyone home. So you could get her on that.

Ask them why she was allowed to send people home who have been scheduled to work.

jca's avatar

It doesn’t sound like Mrs. Mean has (had) the authority to send people home. In my opinion, they should have stayed regardless of her trying to send them home.

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