Social Question

Aster's avatar

Are you obsessive and angry over things that were stolen from you?

Asked by Aster (19949points) July 17th, 2016

I know we’re not supposed to put a lot of value on stuff. And we’re to let go of anger. But I am almost obsessed with the theft of some of my lovely things and I think my grandson stole them. He is a teenager and quite troubled. My sterling silver charm bracelet that was my mother’s is gone. My mother’s amazing chrysocolla rock with quartz is gone and I’ve spent two weeks scouring Ebay for one half as nice to no avail. My pendant I was given at age twelve for my first Communion is gone. Is anyone else guilty of this resentment and sorrow and how can I get past it? Please don’t tell me to confront him; he’d deny it. He lives hundreds of miles away. I shudder at the thought of him ever visiting us again.

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15 Answers

jca's avatar

I would discuss it with his mother and I would not have him in my house again.

As for things that were taken from me, (few and far between), I think of them but feel anger does no good so I try to let go, mentally, when I think of them. I had three gold rings that disappeared and can only be attributed to being taken by the cleaning lady, and although it bothers me, by the time I discovered it, there was nothing I could do about it so I try to let it go when the thought pops into my head.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I’ve been the victim of theft once, a long time ago, in my old house. I have a suspicion of who did the deed – a former neighbor’s son – but nothing more solid than that.

That’s different from your situation. where it is a relative; someone you know and can’t avoid.

In my case, what was stolen was electronics (nothing all that fancy) and the electronics were old and practically obsolete in the first place. So I was ticked off that someone had broken in, but I didn’t miss the item that was stolen.

But again, that’s different from your situation.

Aster's avatar

Thank you, @jca . I try to be grateful for the stuff he or cleaning ladies didn’t take!

jca's avatar

@Aster: Don’t let him in your house any more.

Aster's avatar

That will be easy since he lives hundreds of miles away and has no vehicle @jca .

Unofficial_Member's avatar

I will be, in the case of sudden robbery, but I will eventually get through it with after some time has passed.

You’re a grandmother and you’re not supposed to resent your own grandson, especially for materialistic issue such as this. Love should be unconditional, and you won’t carry all those things with you when you die. I say just let it go, there are more things to be grateful for in this world, such as your health, wellbeing, family happiness, etc.

Aster's avatar

@Unofficial_Member I do love him a lot, regardless. I helped raise him and we’ve always had an amazing relationship. But he was “raised” in an atmosphere of drugs, lies, theft, violence and neglect. I feel very sorry for him but I’m angry he could do this to me when we were always so close and loving. I was the first person to hold him after his birth and he was and is beautiful. Thanks.

Pachy's avatar

Many years ago someone (I think kids from next door) broke into my house and stole two things—a watch and a treasure box containing a few old coins. Neither was worth much dollar-wise but had great sentimental value, as they had belonged to my dad. Neither was recovered and I’ve never been able to quite let go of my anger toward the unidentified culprits.

Aster's avatar

@Pachy so you understand what I’m feeling except my things also had monetary value into the hundreds of dollars each.

BellaB's avatar

I think that thinking/knowing someone I loved stole from me would be worse than the theft on its own.

Trust in family/friendship is very hard to rebuild. It’s not the same as losing trust in strangers.

marinelife's avatar

I once lost a ruby necklace that was my mother’s and an MTV watch in a robbery. I still think with sadness about the necklace because it had sentimental value. It may have been different because I didn’t know the thieves.

Pachy's avatar

I do, @Aster, completely, and I wish I had some advice. I’d be inclined to want to bar him from my home (i.e., my life), too, but doing so surely won’t ease your anger and suspicion, and I worry about the family rift that surely will result. In any case, I don’t see your ever getting completely over it, and I sympathize—I’ve got a serious family rift going, myself.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Do you think he probably pawned them?

azaleaaster's avatar

I perfectly understand what you feel. All this stuff is your memory; no one should act like this.

msh's avatar

If you would like to have a possibility of having your items returned, there is something you can try, which has better odds of success than eBay searches.
First- decide how much this person means to you. By this, I mean if this all ends in success- would you be upset if the grandson ended up going to juvenile detention or jail (depending on his age)? Tough decisions. You will put more thought into this than he did when stealing from you.
Next- do you have pictures of the items- or photos of you and yours actually wearing the jewlery? If not, could you do an accurate sketch of what the look like and have a Detailed description of the items written down?
Do you have a good picture of your grandson? Front and side profile from a family holiday perhaps?
Are you willing to travel to the town that this kid/ man lives in? You would have a greater success if you do so.
Here’s why-
If you contact the police department of the town or city area where he now lives, you have a higher rate of success in getting your items returned. Face to face with the officers would be best, if you can. You will wish to speak to a Detective in a specific department. It might help to call and set up a meeting with them at a specic time and date.
Most kids will go to the nearest pawn shops where they live or know they will get the best price or a more-quiet exchange in order to get quick cash for whatever. Because of better laws on the books—now pawn shops must keep books of their business activities purchase and sale information. Most have CCTV tapes to show faces. While You may not be able to ask to see these things- the police can- and do.
I have an idea that you are not the first person he has done this to. I’m sorry for that. He may have a good relationship with several pawn brokers in the area. If there is a hint of illegal means the items were obtained- some shops will refuse to buy. Legal charges can be levied against them for knowingly ‘fencing’ stolen property.
Before you begin this action, again I urge you to think about how you will react to the consequences this boy might face because of his actions. You cannot change your mind after the police have spent time trying to help you.
Think on this- but do not wait overlong to act. Nice items do have value and can be sold again to buying customers just as quickly.
Good luck. I hope this ends in the best manner that helps You. It takes awhile for the hurt feelings to calm, but they fade away bit by bit. Do what is in Your best interests. Yes, some believe that possessions don’t matter, but these items weren’t just possessions, they held meaning and memories for you! You should have a say about things taken that had sweet memories and people attached to them. I wish you the best of luck, no matter your pathway. Take care.

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