Social Question

LornaLove's avatar

Do you think value for human beings really does still exist?

Asked by LornaLove (9926points) November 2nd, 2016

I have a friend who has lost a lot of weight and has been left with loose skin. I was trying to encourage her as she is looking for a new partner to be with.

Loose skin is not easy, I have seen how people struggle with it, but then so is ageing, so is not being perfect. In today’s world, which I have named the Instagram Generation, are people valued for other qualities? Particularly if they are looking for a new mate?

If you think so, could you give some examples in your own life or experience where you have been loved or love someone for qualities that surpass their physical appearance? It would be more interesting I suppose if you had just met the person or the person had just met you.

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16 Answers

Zaku's avatar

The people I’ve fallen in love with have never been the most physically attractive, and in the cases where I’m really taken, I actually don’t really perceive their physical aspects accurately. It’s the glow of who and how they are. I’ve had the experience of not even being able to remember details or notice many of their physical characteristics which if I were only looking at the physical, would probably have been disqualifying if I didn’t know them.

marinelife's avatar

I value intelligence and sens of humor far above looks. As @Zaku said, when I look at my husband I don’t see his outer shell, I see all that he means to me.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

I use to spend afternoons in a big jacuzzi down at the Y talking with the most interesting people. It was like an after work club, only instead of meeting in a bar like we would have in the ‘70s, or a cafe in the 90’s, we met in a big jacuzzi to relax and shoot the shit. There was an ancient money markets player, a female computer programmer, an ER nurse, a sewage treatment tech, and a young secretary who had had a stomach bypass. She had huge folds of skin drooping from all over her body. Except for the old money market guy who had to kicking 80, and the secretary who was still in her early twenties, we were all in our thirties and forties.

She couldn’t afford to have it removed surgically, so she had to do it the hard way by going to the Y and working it off over time. We were all very supportive of her and we sympathized and gave her advice on how to work it off. I joined in the weight room and helped get her started and introduced her to the aerobics lady.

She didn’t show it at first, but one day she confided in me how terribly miserable she was about her appearance. It was really tragic because she was so young. She was a very sweet person, a good person and this was how we saw her and valued and enjoyed her company very much. It took a lot of balls hopping into that jacuzzi with a bunch of strangers with nothing on but a bathing suit. And we all were mature enough to appreciate and admire that bigtime.

Yes, I think people still value people for who they are. It’s been my experience that people in lower density environments have the time and lack of fear to get to know people, vs those in cities.

janbb's avatar

I think we do still value people for their intrinsic qualities but unfortunately since most dating today is done initially online with a written profile and a photo, it is almost impossible to not judge or be judged partially on your appearance. I’m not really sure this was ever different actually – it is more when we get to know someone deeply that physical attraction matters less.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I had a girlfriend who had dental braces and drooled a lot.

ucme's avatar

I’ve always taken girls I wound up in a relationship with at face value ;-}

Darth_Algar's avatar

I don’t think people being judged/valued on their looks is something new to “the Instagram generation”.

LornaLove's avatar

@Darth_Algar Certainly not, however, airbrushed perfection which appears to be the norm now certainly has changed things. Surgery, airbrushing and filters all help to make most people look quite different to what they really are. Plus, some are even having surgery to look better in photographs for Instagram, but you were aware of that right?

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I agree with @janbb. I think that face to face, we have the same realistic appreciation of other people as always. Life on the internet isn’t exactly life, though. The options are endless and many of them are (usually artificially) flawless. We are all trying to keep up with a standard of beauty that is impossible to achieve, but the beauty we see on Instagram does not translate into real life. I don’t mean that figuratively, I mean there is usually so much retouching, waist nipping, buttocks plumping, skin smoothing, perfect lighting, perfect angles… no one looks like this in real life. Much of it is digitally enhanced. At the end of the day, most people want to be with someone that they connect with, not someone who takes great internet photos. Unfortunately, a lot of people meet through methods that require the online photo part first.

kritiper's avatar

Not as much as before the advent of antibiotics. Death was a normal everyday event, so life was so much more precious, more valuable, back when. (Life expectancy for a man 150 years ago was age 45.) We have become unaccustomed to so much of the infectious death that was. (A mere scratch then could be fatal.)
But antibiotics have just about run their useful course, so the olden days are just about back.
Did you know that the life expectancy for a man in 2007 was 77.6 but is now 73.6?

Sneki95's avatar

It does exist.
That, however, does not justify not ever even thinking about your looks and looking like a troll. If there is anyone insecure and hipocrytical, it’s the ugly fat chicks who wouldn’t put effort in their looks and then blame our flawed, shallow society for not having a boyfriend.
Looks are equally important as brains and personality.

Darth_Algar's avatar


People have been touching up photographs for as long as photography has been around. Again, nothing new there. The only thing that’s new is that it’s now just quicker, easier and more convenient to do so. But I thought the question was about how people are valued in relation to their looks. Didn’t realize it was about phone apps.

Pachy's avatar

One’s value is primarily self determined.

LornaLove's avatar

@Sneki95 I take offence to your remark ‘fat ugly chicks’.

How absolutely ignorant that sounds. Did you know that some men actually prefer larger women and do not call them fat?

My friend, for your information, has been on Lithium for about two decades and due to that has picked up weight. She has now only found the strength to lose weight and is left with loose skin. That is her plight. It has absolutely nothing to do with not putting effort into her looks. She is quite beautiful in her own way and has had several lovers and a very full life, despite being ‘a fat ugly chick’ as you put it.

Thank heavens being fat and ugly then, helps some women avoid people like you.

LornaLove's avatar

@Darth_Algar I wish it was all so simple. Perhaps google Media and Cultural influences on society. That might help.

Darth_Algar's avatar


What? Are you actually reading what I’ve posted, or are your posts to me a response to some imaginary argument?

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