Social Question

Lois0987's avatar

Why do I want to isolate myself?

Asked by Lois0987 (73points) June 29th, 2017

So ever since a couple years ago I dreaded going out with family and the slightest mention of spending a night over their houses will literally make me cry (they are like strangers to me even though I visit them every year) and puts me in a bigger state of sadness. I hate going outside in general, shopping for food, clothing, etc etc. makes me so mad and I can’t stand it. But why? As a kid i’d do anything but now all I want to do is stay on the internet or not even on the internet, just inside. I don’t have many friends to go out with and nor do I even want to go anywhere with them I always distance myself. I also do have depression but on the days I feel ok I never want to go anywhere, am I just really lazy?? I have no idea anymore all I know is that I hate being with people even though everyone around me loves interacting and the outdoors. I wish I was like that. (Plus having social anxiety doesn’t help me. over this summer I realized I’m not eating correctly, my muscles ache from not getting out of bed, I can’t sleep properly)
Just in case this was really confusing i’ll ask my question(s)
Why do I want to isolate myself so much?
also is it just because I’m lazy?

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10 Answers

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

In all seriousness, and since you already know that you suffer from depression – for which I hope you are receiving some medical treatment; are you? – I would suggest that you discuss these feelings in just this much detail with your physician. You may need to have your meds adjusted or changed. Because most of this sounds like “classic” depression. With social anxiety on top of that, and the other effects from depression such as excessive sleeping, no exercise, lack of sunshine, etc., you could spin down into an even worse place.

And I hope that you won’t.

Talk to your doctor. Life should not be so miserable.

Call_Me_Jay's avatar

I agree with everything CWOTUS wrote, and wanted to add that laziness means not caring. Laziness implies moral failure.

You’re sick. It’s not your fault or weakness. We all get sick sometimes.

I have first-hand experience with a bit of depression and second-hand with REALLY serious depression living with a bipolar spouse. It’s not easy. I mean it sucks really bad.

Best wishes and please seek medical help. We mean well but we are not real medical help.

Zaku's avatar

Yep, that’s depression and self-criticism about social anxiety. It’s nothing personal to you or anything to be ashamed about. It’s treatable with counseling and/or medication. Some of it may also be normal, too – I’m not depressed but I am slightly introverted and I’d be happy if I could stay someplace by myself and work on projects and reading for a long time without havng to deal with other people. When I was depressed years ago, that sounded even more attractive. Be patient with yourself. I would consult a psychiatrist.

LostInParadise's avatar

I agree with the others that you should seek help.

Some questions that come to mind. Are you still living with your parents? How do you support yourself? Does anything give you enjoyment? Do you avoid people due to anxiety, or do you just not care for their company?

MrGrimm888's avatar

Such behavior can be addictive, as strange as it sounds.

A word of warning. If you aren’t careful, one day you’ll realize that you faded away. Time goes by VERY fast.

Please. Live long, and prosper…

Sneki2's avatar

^ This.

I’d advice going out for a walk, even if you’re alone. I dread getting out of my house too, and it gets worse and worse with time. The only thing I know is that whenever I went for a walk, or worked in the yard, I felt a bit better. You didn’t state what you do and do you have to be stuck in the house, but if you’re closed just because you don’t want to go out, I’d say that is bad, and I know because I’m like that too. Isolation takes a toll on you. We’re social animals, walls are not for us.

Have you tried contacting your friends again? Call them and ask to go out. Sometimes you gotta take an effort to maintain the contact. If they can’t, go alone; it may turn even better than you think.If you don’t have time for walk, try at least sitting in your backyard, or do some house work. Of you find it uncomfortable to walk alone, try making yourself busy; go for shopping, or to a market, or find some other reason to leave the house for a while. You may hate it, but you have to force yourself to do it.

Moving around, being on open air and the sun, keeping yourself busy. It’s the best medicine against dark thoughts and sadness.

And no, I wouldn’t call you lazy. I’d call you trapped by your own room. It takes some effort and time to break free, but it’s possible.

I’d also advice forcefully reducing internet connection,(you can do that with internet blocker applications), and forcing yourself to do something else instead of sitting in front of the computer all day.

Being isolated is, as Grimm said, very addictive. You get used to silence, “freedom” to do whatever you want (which is nothing), indulging yourself in laid back, passive activities that entertain you for a while, sleeping, and all other stuff that don’t hurt, but don’t require much work. Breaking from habits like these takes a lot of effort. Sometimes you need to do stuff, even if you hate it. It’s for you own well being.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Yeah. Welcome back :)

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Welcome to Fluther, Lois0987.

I too never really felt that I fit in. When I was in my twenties, it was hard to leave the sanctuary of my apartment even to go to work in order to pay for it. But later I found this self-enforced isolation to be both a gift and a curse—and although I’m still quite reserved IRL, I no longer feel that my differences make me lesser in value than those who do fit in.

It works like this: Since you aren’t exposed to the same stimuli as often as the majority around you, you tend to have different references, and you think and see thing differently. This both increases your feeling of isolation, but at the same time, it provides you with original thoughts and ideas. People like us are rarely accused of being cliche-ish. LOL. That has a lot of value, especially in the creative fields. It give us an edge.

I and many others have been saved by media—literature, film, even sites like these where people express their strangeness and idiosyncrasies in a seemingly innocuous statement on a thread, a novel, film, painting, or words of a song or poem. Suddenly I’m not alone. That is the value of these things, a way for the more isolated of us to connect—to find that we are not alone. It helps us to be make us more bold in what we do. It encourages, gives confidence.

It really helps to find people just like you who share the same fears, insecurities, the same odd ideas. It helps to have heroes.

LOL. She called it “The Solidarity of the Strange”:

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”

—Frida Kahlo (1907–1954) Photo Portrait, surrealist painter, poet, Mexican national, communist idealist, wife of surrealist muralist Diego Rivera, inamorata of Leon Trotsky. Kahlo was he victim of a debilitating bus accident during her youth causing her to limp noticeably for the rest of her life. Her lifelong poor health often plunged her into isolation. She felt a kindred solidarity with the “strange” of the world.

Examples of Ms. Kahlo’s work

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

@Sneki2 Hurry up and get an avatar! The generic one you’re using just isn’t you at all. It doesn’t represent your uniqueness. Why not the old one? :^)

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