Social Question

Sunshinegirl11's avatar

How do you get someone to lose interest in you?

Asked by Sunshinegirl11 (826points) 1 month ago from iPhone

I have the gut feeling a married man is interested in me. We work together and I always catch him looking my way. He’s always facing me, always initiates conversations with me, always sits next to me at work and meetings, etc. He found out I play guitar and now asks me to play songs for him and even brought his guitar to work once and let me play it.—> so he was thinking about me that morning when he brought it to work. He brags a lot about himself, etc. He doesn’t treat any other girls like this.

I’m not interested in him. I think he’s a nice guy but now I just want him to stop ha!

Whenever he brings up his wife I try to drag the conversation about her out. It makes me feel better haha

Ideas?

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24 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Next time he sits next to you at a meeting, get up and move, saying,“oh, there’s Jim, I wanted to talk to him real quick.” Then go and sit next to someone you know.

If he bothers you while working, say “I’m really busy just now.” And then go back to working on whatever you are working on.

And, you can always complain to HR. Document what and when he bothers you.

NomoreY_A's avatar

That could be construed as sexual harassment in some circles. I’d second what zenvelo says – just shake him off every chance you get, maybe he’ll catch on that you’re not interested. Anyway, you say he brags on himself a lot, could be one of those guys who think they are Gods gift to the female gender. Bad news on down the line, if you hook up with him.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

You could always stop showering for a week?

NomoreY_A's avatar

Why didn’t I think of that? LOL

Sunshinegirl11's avatar

@RedDeerGuy1 I haven’t showered for at least 3 months so that’s not going to work…. jk!

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

@Sunshinegirl11 You could just be your self. ........JK!

CWOTUS's avatar

I think the best way to do this is to be as direct and as clear as possible while remaining polite. That is, to not give any opening for a rejoinder or misunderstanding of mixed signals, etc.

You think he’s a nice guy (and this works even if you think he’s not so nice.) Then just tell him, “Jim, I think you’re a nice guy, but I don’t like where this relationship could be headed. I don’t want there to be any possibility of coming between you and your wife.” Period. If he is a nice guy then he will understand, without you having to also spell it out for him (but you could, even so) that “this extra friendship makes me uncomfortable”. (If he’s not a nice guy but moves off at this point, he might think that he’s got you fooled “Ha! She thinks I’m a nice guy!” and you should not disabuse him of the notion that you have him all figured out. This is where a lot of women go wrong: they’re smarter than the man about a lot of these types of relationship issues… and then feel that they have to prove it. Don’t. Let the creep – if that’s what he is – think that he has you fooled into thinking that he’s a nice guy. What do you care, as long as he leaves you alone?)

If you don’t think he’s such a nice guy, or if you’re just not certain, then: “Jim, you seem like a nice guy [indicating that you haven’t made up your mind yet; you’re still on the fence about this], but I’m just not comfortable being so friendly without your wife present.” Either he is a nice guy, and he gets it and moves off, as before, or he’s not a nice guy… and proves it by ignoring your request. And that’s when you might have to have the chat with HR.

But even if he’s not a nice guy, unless he’s a total out-and-out creep, which remains to be seen, when you give that indication that “I think you might be a nice guy” ... he’ll probably want to prove that he is (or let you go on believing as you claim to, thinking he has put something over on you), and do as you ask.

Using clear, simple words and NO indication of “if you weren’t married…” or “at some other time in our lives…” or “if I were some other kind of girl…” or any other possible “what if” scenarios that could have maybe led to a different outcome, he should shove off with no hurt feelings, and no possible way to claim that you led him on, threw out mixed signals, etc.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yes, try to avoid. I don’t think you need to even be particularly graceful about it. He’ll eventually recognize the rejection. I just hope he doesn’t get mad about it.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Be honest with him.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

If he is Harvey Weinstein then I suggest a quick kick to the balls. If not you can ask human resources HR department for advice.

AshlynM's avatar

Just ignore him. He’ll get the hint eventually.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Let us know what you decide to do.

chyna's avatar

I totally disagree with @cwotus. “I don’t like where this relationship is headed”. He hears that there is a possibility of a relationship. Avoiding and moving away from him at every turn works better.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Right Chyna!

canidmajor's avatar

Exactly what @chyna says. Don’t engage in any conversation related to this. @CWOTUS, I sincerely doubt you’ve had experience with this kind of guy, I’m guessing that most of the women on this thread have. Avoid and evade.

If he escalates the attention, then go to HR. It can be problematic, I understand that, but hopefully he won’t try to pull the “she’s over reacting, I was just being friendly” BS.

Dutchess_III's avatar

They see EVERYthing as encouragement. And when it does hit they often get angry.

kritiper's avatar

Be extremely blunt! State what seems to be evident, and do it openly. Put him on the spot!

josie's avatar

Stop brushing and flossing your teeth. There is an old adage. As is the mouth hygiene so is all the other hygiene. They will lose interest pretty fast.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@kritiper recipie for angry male. Could put her in danger.

Patty_Melt's avatar

You have asked several questions about relationship and dating isues over the past several months.
I think it might be time for you to seek a professional’s help in understanding healthy relationships, and how to find someone right for you.

NomoreY_A's avatar

@Dutchess_III Maybe so, sucks to be him. Dudes like that need to soldier up and suck it up. If a woman don’t like you then tough luck Sherlock. A man cant go around forcing himself on ladies. I hate assholes like that. Like to hit them with a tire tool and knock some sense into them. Hopefully this guy wont over react, but if she doesn’t like the attention, she has a right to end it anyway she sees fit. I think that’s all kritiper was driving at.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, I don’t want to be on the female side of that experimental lesson @NomoreY_A, when it doesn’t stick. That’s all I’m driving at.

kritiper's avatar

@Nomore Y A Thanks!

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