Social Question

BirdMan14's avatar

Inviting a woman over to your place for a cup of coffee?

Asked by BirdMan14 (62points) July 10th, 2018

Ok….here is my question

I invited my former co-worker (a female) to my place for coffee and some bakery goodies, tomorrow. Im working on my social skills, my plan is inviting couple of people ,who I was in touch with and got along with but haven’t been in touch with lately, over to my place for some coffee and some chit chat.

So she accepted the invation, but 10 min. after that, she send me that she was curious about this “coffee meeting”....I asked her, what she means…and she said nothing and she looks forward to seeing me tomorrow.

So basically my question is this…when you invite a girl to your place for coffee, is it usually implied that sex is involved? hahaha because that is honestly not my agenda and I felt she thought I was inviting her over for sex.

Maybe next time I invite people to meet me at a coffee place instead of my house.

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17 Answers

LadyMarissa's avatar

Many guys who invite a female friend over for coffee & baked goods usually want to get her alone in hopes that there will be sex!!! Since that’s NOT your agenda, just keep it cool & surprise her. Who knows, maybe she’s hoping that you want her for sex!!! It might not be a bad idea to invite people out for coffee. It’s not as intimate, but it is safer!!!

kritiper's avatar

She wanted to know if it was just a friendly coffee thing or a date.
Don’t assume sex is involved if the other person accepts. If sex happens, it happens. It is not preordained!

si3tech's avatar

This is just me, but I’d be more apt to go to coffee in a public place/coffee shop. Not easily mistaken for other than a cup of coffee. If I were asked out I’d meet publicly before sharing my address at first.

chyna's avatar


RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Just in case have clean underwear and brush your teeth.

LadyMarissa's avatar

^^^ dirty old man!!! LoL

This is exactly why you should meet in public!!!

stanleybmanly's avatar

Evidently, she called for clarification on your intentions, but decided on speaking with you that you would behave honorably. I’m not clear on this from reading your description, but is there another co worker of the 2 of you coming as well? If so, I assume you told the woman who called, and that would dispell her fears over possible romantic overtures.

BirdMan14's avatar

@stanleybmanly no, its just me and her! No one else is coming…but I want to invite the others over to my place later in the summer for BBQ, it would then be her and 3 other people! I Just hope that they don’t think I’m planning an orgy hahaha

LadyMarissa's avatar

@BirdMan14 Just be the perfect gentleman with the coffee get together & then worry about the orgy later on!!! ;) IF you don’t initiate sex with the coffee, the others should understand in advance that you won’t be having an orgy at the BBQ!!!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh, I never accepted an invitation from a guy to meet him alone, at his house, unless I was actually dating him. Never never never.
Maybe now would be the time to invite those 3 other people so it doesn’t feel rather like a trap to her.

LadyMarissa's avatar

@Dutchess_III Since this was posted yesterday, I’m assuming that the coffee is occurring today. The lady in question accepted & then appeared to have 2nd thoughts before indicating that she would show. It’s a little late to be calling the others. I’m sure @BirdMan14 was the perfect host & that we will be seeing a followup post today!!!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Ah. My bad.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@BirdMan14… for the future, you might try to avoid inviting women to your place alone. For many it’s an instant warning flag and turnoff.

BirdMan14's avatar

@LadyMarissa Yes the coffee went well! We actually laughed about her thinking I was inviting her over for sex, she did think that was the reason for me inviting her over to my place…but everything went smoothly and I believed I gained 50 XP on my Social skills haha

@Dutchess_III Yes, I am definitely going follow your advice, although my intentions were only chit chatting over a good old fashioned cup of joe

And I Invited 5 people from my old job to come to my place, including the woman who visited me today, to have a BBQ….no orgy is currently planned haha

Dutchess_III's avatar

Coolness! Sorry the orgy plans fell through!

LadyMarissa's avatar

@BirdMan14 You do understand that we women meet a LOT of creeps in sheep’s clothing; so out of self preservation, we must be VERY careful. I’m THRILLED that you 2 had a good time…now, next time take her to a local coffee shop!!!

Dutchess_III's avatar

I just read an article about a pastor who raped a 17 year old church member. He took her back to the empty church, took her to an empty room. He says he thought the rape was “consensual.” WTF??? I figure he managed to read something into her behavior that was not there. I got that a LOT. “You want it. You know you do.”
Yes, be careful, but also educate yourself on what women get to deal with all the time, like reading things into their behavior that isn’t there, so you can avoid being That Guy.

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