General Question

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Why don't I feel like a girl?

Asked by aneedleinthehayy (1198points) September 10th, 2008

I’m not sure how to describe it but a lot of the time I feel sort of…genderless. Or, like, ambisexterous. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel big and “manly” (I’ve been told I’m not and I’m only 5’3’’ and 140lbs) and then sometimes, very rarely, like when I wear a dress, I kind of feel like a girl. But most of the time I’m just a blob of human. Does anyone else feel this way or am I waaay overthinking my existence/sexuality?

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24 Answers

Bri_L's avatar

Is purely related to a physical feeling or always related to an emotional state of mind.

You know in todays world so much is made about what a woman should or shouldn’t be and wether or not she is or isn’t a success because of it. Then comparing it to men. If you liked it when he held the door for you or paid for the meal what does that make you. If your independent, what does that make you.

It is amazing that more people are not a bit this or that way.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@bri, It’s almost always a state of mind which then leads to the physical feeling as well.
Looking at this from a social aspect is helpful because you are very right. With how much society demands how women and men should act, I can start to understand why I might be feeling this way.
If only gender could be erased. I wonder what the world would be like.

Bri_L's avatar

Dennis miller talked about how people hate a particular race. but if we got rid of that race then then next then then next then narrowed down the religion then the neighborhoods then the bad houses we’d get down to one guy, and no doubt that mf’r would attack the mirror.

I would like to think that isn’t the case.

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

That’s incredible. And insane. That would be saying that the human race is born to have to hate something.
I wish I could say I didn’t believe that.

Bri_L's avatar

it is nuts that is for sure.

Look at 9/11. the ultimate tragedy. Yet there was steeling, a woman pretending she was in the towers to get money, metal steeling fraud fund raising etc.

its sick

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

People are a mystery.

AstroChuck's avatar

Are you asexual perhaps? Or do you prefer one sex over the other?

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@astrochuck, asexual means I am not attracted to either sex, right? I don’t think I am that. But I am not at all sure which sex I prefer more than the other.

sndfreQ's avatar

Searching to find one’s identity often involves a soul-searching of sorts, to define one’s own sexuality. In some shape or other, all humans have to come to terms with this in their maturation.

Realize that in today’s society, with all the pressures of gender and roles, there are a lot of misconceptions about what society expects and what the reality is…that we are all human, and that what matters is that you are happy with being you.

You can at least have comfort in the fact that you’re self aware, and that you are in touch with your feelings; there are many people who go through life suppressing their feelings about their identity, causing great damage to their self-esteem, that eventually creates great problems for them down the line.

Research this with a healthy and productive attitude; it may help to look up some literature that may give some clarity to your circumstance, or maybe talk to someone with similar issues. With a little more investigation, you may find that there are support groups out there (online, face-to-face) to which you might avail yourself.

Someone knowledgeable in the health industry may also be able to point you in the right direction (family doctor for example).

Good luck-never feel bad for feeling the way you do…it’s a natural part of life and self-awareness, and those who accept it and embrace their individuality are often the ones that come out ahead…

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Invisible lurve to you, sndfreQ and thank you so much.

MacBean's avatar

Check this out. Does anything there hit home, needle?

I have the same “problem.” I was born female-bodied, but that does NOT feel right. However, I don’t usually feel like “male” is exactly correct, either. I’m more comfortable with masculine pronouns and such, but most of the time I still only feel, as you put it, like “just a blob of human.”

wildflower's avatar

@aneedle.: How old are you? Could it be that you haven’t found your thing yet? As for feeling feminine or masculine – I get that too. I have times where I just feel silly and girly, but for the most part I don’t feel either feminine or masculine, just me! And admittedly ‘me’ is not the most sensitive or emotional person in the world and have a tendency of being more rational than emotional, but I’m never in doubt I’m a woman.
Now, there were times when I was younger when I was concerned about this, and yes I even considered the idea of being gay, but quickly realised I’m not attracted to women…..turns out I’m just not that girly! I don’t care to wear skirts and dresses other than when on holiday or dressing up, I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, I like doing DIY…....but I am obsessed with shoes!
So you see – it isn’t an either/or situation. Everyone’s different. You just have to figure out what ‘you’ is, whether it’s male, female, straight, gay, bi…...whatever makes you comfortable to be you!

jenlk1207's avatar

It sounds like you might just need time to allow things to work itself out with your identity. Whatever you may figure out, just allow it to unfold naturally and don’t allow society to influence you. You will be just fine, and it will all become clear when it is supposed to. Everyone goes through “who” they are, it’s a normal process. Just remember to breathe through it, and acceptance will come.

Larssenabdo's avatar

In contrast to feeling asexual, needle, you could well be bi. It’s only society that tells us we have to prefer one sex to the other. You might find that your own sense of ‘femininity’/‘masculinity’ seems to vary in relation to your partner at the time, but as you relax with it, I think you will find that you settle in a space that is distinctly you. Those words are pretty meaningless, anyway, as many of the responders here have indicated. It’s a wonder everyone doesn’t have gender drama.
Try, if you can, not to compare yourself to others; whatever your story is, it is yours uniquely.
Best to you!

MissAnthrope's avatar

I think MacBean hit it right on the head. What you’re describing sounds like being genderqueer. I’m totally the same way. If I had to describe myself, I’d say I feel half girl, half boy. Some people and situations can bring out more of one side than the other, but I generally feel smack dab in the middle.

Know that it’s okay, first of all. Who you are is who you are, you were created that way, and it’s more than okay, actually, to be your own thing. I know it can be hard to swim against the current and not be mainstream, but I think people who do that are really far more interesting than those who always go with the flow.

It took me a little while to get comfortable with myself and to realize the whole genderqueer thing, but once I did, I’ve been rocking it ever since. I mean, I think it’s pretty cool that I can change the oil in my car, fix stuff, put stuff together, etc.. yet I can also cook and bake, be really sensitive and gentle towards my loved ones, paint my toenails, run around screaming like a fool if there’s a spider.. basically, I can do a hell of a lot of things! The people in my life accept me and think I’m really capable. And I think that’s way cooler than automatically fitting in. :P

P.S. I love the word ambisextrous.

gailcalled's avatar

Here is a site with over 500 links that discuss Gender-role Conflict.

Larssenabdo's avatar

Fascinating but maybe not directly applicable to you, Needle; it appears to be focusing exclusively on men’s GRC.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Don’t worry about it, really. A lot of people have already said a lot of good stuff, so I’m not going to make this long. Don’t feel like you should be a certain way just because of what sex you happen to be. Our male/female attitudes (I believe) are not something we’re mostly born with, they’re what society as a whole places on us. People have always needed to label things, simply because it makes life easier for them.

I laugh when people try to label me, though. It’s not possible – at least with gender roles. I will be however the fuck I want to be, regardless of what sex I am. I am human, therefore I can choose.

Whatever you do, don’t limit yourself. Never say you can’t do something because you’re female. Males should never find themselves thinking they can’t do something because they’re male, either. Be true to yourself and don’t let your sex define you. Humans are more complicated than a vagina or a penis. ;)

loser's avatar

Maybe you’re transgendered. A lot of folks are!

sndfreQ's avatar

See intersexuality

There was a really good documentary on one of the cable channels (Discovery?) that explained this as well…can’t seem to come up with the link at the moment.

gailcalled's avatar

@Larssenabdo: You are absolutely right. 500 links and all of them, astonishingly, only about Male Gender-Role Conflict. Thanks for doing the real research. I’ll try again when I have some time

rooeytoo's avatar

I don’t fit the typical description of “girl.” I was always a tomboy, which is a strange word isn’t it, and according to society not really a bad thing, but if a boy shows a more feminine side, he is a sissy or worse. Anyhow, society seems to want everyone to fit into a mold and a lot of people try to do just that. I think though if you don’t count the really testosterone driven males and estrogen driven females, most humans fall in the middle somewhere and are simply who they are. I lived in USA and never felt like I fit, I moved to Australia and feel at home. Most aussies don’t seem to be very judgemental. I feel much more at ease here being me. By the way, I am heterosexual, just hate the definitions of “normal” as dictated by culture, media, society, etc.

MissAnthrope's avatar

As a side note, “intersexuality” is something completely different, it’s having both male and female physical characteristics, otherwise known as hermaphrodism.

The correct terms in this case would be “gender nonconformity”, “gender variance”, or colloquially, “genderqueer”. Trans people and those who don’t feel content in their biological gender are considered as having “gender dysphoria”.

shf84's avatar

To me that seems normal enough. I can’t fee any thing really never have I know what my sex is because of the shape of my body but it doesn’t feel like any thing. I know my eye color but how does it “feel” to have blue eyes? I don’t see how you could feel something like that.

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