General Question

squirbel's avatar

Is it easy for you to accept help when you need it?

Asked by squirbel (4277points) October 11th, 2008

Is it easy for you to accept help when you need it? Will you ask for help?

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19 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

Yes and yes. All my friends do the same. Maybe it is due to being such a small community but we take care of each other.

loser's avatar

No, and no.

girlofscience's avatar

This is so variable. My answer can range from “without hesitation” to “absolutely not,” depending on what I need help with.

Do I need help figuring out a glitch in my programming code?
Do I need legal help?
Do I need help with a mental illness?

squirbel's avatar

Every question has variables. On a site like Fluther – explain which variable you understand the question to mean, and then proceed to answer.

It’s simpler that way, than to force everyone to conform to one interpretation.

Vincentt's avatar

Yes and no. It’s not a matter of pride, not asking for help, more a matter of either shyness or being embarrassed. However, once I’ve asked or have accepted an offer for help, I have no trouble to accept it (unless it’s obviously dumb, of course).

jlm11f's avatar

It’s a lot easier for me to ask for help now than it was before. It used to be a pride thing for me. there, i admitted it I thought “hey if others can do it, I can too. I don’t need help” I had the whole “i can take care of myself” thing going. Also, my other thought was that I didn’t want to annoy or disturb people from their own problems/work by asking them to help me. This latter thought still holds true though. But I think it was in the 2nd year of college that I realized that I cannot always do everything on my own. I love helping others myself and similarly most don’t mind lending a hand every now and then. And there’s nothing wrong in asking for some guidance when needed, i.e. it doesn’t make you any weaker or anymore inferior.

As a pre-med student, I have noticed that a lot of pre-med/medical students have trouble asking for help. I am glad I learned my lesson early, it’s helped reduce the stress considerably. To everyone reading this, lean on your friends and family when you need them, that’s what they are for. And you would do the same for them if they needed you :)

Vincentt's avatar

@PnL – good point, the “don’t want to annoy or disturb people”-thing very much applies to me as well.

gailcalled's avatar

I always ask myself, “Would I reciprocate if asked by said person?” If the answer is “Yes,” I have no problems asking for help.

One of the most common nice things to do here – in the land of no public transportation – is to drive friends or family to and from colonoscopies.

augustlan's avatar

I frequently don’t even realize I need help. It’s a good thing I am surrounded by people who care enough to tell me when I do! Once offered, I gratefully accept.

Bri_L's avatar

I have always applied Gail’s test as well.

SoapChef's avatar

@ gail My husband said the same thing about reciprocation the other day when were discussing my neurotic reluctance to accept the help of friends. He is getting ready to move 2500 miles away for a job and was telling me about a friend who lives nearby who has offered to lend a hand while he is gone if I need it. He said I should just holler, I won’t.

gailcalled's avatar

@Soapchief; let us help by metaphorically sticking pins into you should you get really pig-headed.

To exaggerate in order to make a point, what makes you (the generic you and not soapchief) so perfect as to not need some reciprocity from time to time? (Where’s he going, BTW? In the military? Or am I being too nosy?)

SoapChef's avatar

@ gail
You are not too nosy, its nice you asked. No we are not having to make that kind of sacrifice, but its a bummer just the same. He is having to take a job in Tulsa as there is a very limited number of job opportunities in our little tourist/retirement town. I have to stay, we are going to see what two years brings us with this situation.
As for the other, get the pins ready. I am always so uncomfortable with someone helping me, I just can’t get over the idea that they would rather be somewhere, anywhere else and that it is a major imposition. See, even though its no longer an acceptable term, neurotic!

deaddolly's avatar

no. I’m not the delegating type either.

gailcalled's avatar

Dd: may you live long and never break a bone when you are alone. I did that twice, and was I happy to be able to just get to the phone and call first, my sister, and second, a friend.

@Soap; I hope you can keep your equilibrium.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No and No. I’m loathe to ask for help and then if I do and it’s offered then chances are I’ll try to find a way to wriggle out of accepting or acting on the help. I’m so damned stubborn and get embarassed not to be able to take care of myself. Thing is, I harp on other people for being the same way. I expect anyone I offer help to take me up on it, it makes me feel good to help people and I know they feel the same but it just doesn’t work right when it’s my turn to be needy. I’m working on it as my choices and opportunities narrow, it takes a really bad spot for me to try some new ways of thinking.

augustlan's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Want some help with that? ;-)

In all seriousness, I’m glad you’re working on it. It’s a great gift to allow others to be needed.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

What you write is true, I’ve always been frustrated that pride is a cover for selfishness.

JenniferP's avatar

I am independent and it is hard for me to accept help.

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