Self-esteem taking a beating?
Asked by
Jude (
32198
)
January 26th, 2009
Some of you may remember the crazy lesbian drama between my ex and I. Well, think that I’m a rut. This may sound shallow and by no means am I shallow – I fall in love with the person’s heart/character,
not their looks. Anyhow, since my ex dumped my ass, my self-esteem has taken a beating. Since the woman can’t give me a definitive answer as to why she did what she did, my mind starts to question things. A big one is – maybe she wasn’t attracted to me? Now, I have good looking women and men, who both think that I’m ‘beautiful’ (see, this sounds awful) and hit on me. And, I have people saying ‘don’t worry..you’re very attractive and you’ll find someone no problem’. Again, none of this shit should matter. When I’m with someone, I truly love most everything about them..flaws and all.
I hate feeling this way. It seems ridiculous (and will probably feel even more so when I’m over her ass). Anyone ever gone through this b.s.?
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6 Answers
Haven’t you gotten extremely good advice from many different flutherers every time you have asked a version of this question? How about being proactive instead of obsessing here? I don’t mean to be be unsympathetic. Stop typing and talk to someone who is trained.
After taking a look through your question history, I must make a conclusion similar to @gailcalled – you would benefit greatly by talking to a professional therapist. If nothing else, they have dealt with these issues in the past, and can offer a lot of advice that we cannot.
Yes, I have and it is no fun. Take heart and I agree, talk to a trained therapist. I know that isn’t an option sometimes though. I understand you are reaching out because you are in pain. A little obsessiveness is allowed and understandable. Hang in there.
I totally agree with @gailcalled and @dynamicduo, seeking professional help might be the best answer. It seems like you need some closure…but you may have to find that on your own because she might not give you the answers you are looking for. No one is perfect, we all have flaws. We all go through situations like this in life and it’s so easy to put the blame on ourselves and think irrationally. Take care.
In case you don’t go to therapy, here’s my idea: Have a stern talking-to with your Inner Critic.
You can do it either in writing, or by looking in your eyes in the mirror. Tell her/him to knock it off. Ask her/him to focus on a way of helping you improve your life, and telling you how unattractive you are is hurting, not helping. (The Inner Critic does want to help. In its own sometimes messed-up way, it is trying to serve you.)
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