General Question

2late2be's avatar

What is the best birth control method besides having my tubes tied?

Asked by 2late2be (2289points) February 24th, 2009 from iPhone

I really don’t want to have surgery if I don’t need a c-section the day of the delivery, so, which is the best method? I don’t want to be taking pills every day, of course no shots! Does the DIU works fine? We were thinking that my husband could get a vasectomy, but he does not have insurance, how expensive would that be? Help please, the baby girl is almost here and I need to know, because I don’t want to go through all of this again LOL!! Oh! We live in Texas by the way ;)

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54 Answers

GAMBIT's avatar

My wife and I use this method. We planned to have two kids and now we don’t want any more.

DrBill's avatar

If you arrange to have your tubes tied at the birth, they can do it vaginally and an additional surgery is not needed

2late2be's avatar

DrBill, the doctor said that ONLY if I had a c-section they could tie me… And some people saybit is kinda dangerous..

Meathooks24's avatar

Or you can not have sex and if you must do it… than your husband ccan learn to use a condom and still pull out. vasectomy and or tubes tied are very expensive including painful and even more expensive and excrutiating pain to reverse. abstenance is the best answer here. Beside why not more kids? kids are beautiful and awesome and if your not as selfish as you sound than when you have your child you might change your mind to want more. Statistics state that these days 80% of families who have one or the other spouse “fixed” to not have children want the procedure reversed to have more children.

MindErrantry's avatar

@Meathooks24, deciding not to have kids is a perfectly respectable choice; I don’t think the question here is whether or not she should have more kids. Certainly, it is not an issue of selfishness—bringing that up is unnecessary. Sure, there are perhaps reasons not to have a permanent reversal of child-bearing capacity; on the other hand, I believe my mom has done so and no problems there.

edit: to the original poster, forgot to say, I take the pill and it’s really not a problem. I just have a little alarm for fifteen minutes after I get up in the morning, take the pill, and it’s done! Very easy to do, and quite reassuring.

A_Beaverhausen's avatar

mirana, no worries for 5 years.

tb1570's avatar

Yeah, gotta agree w/ @girlofscience. If you don’t want to take pills or depo shots, then apparently there have been some wonderful advances w/ IUDs in the last few years. But, if you’re husband is down w/ getting snipped, this is probably the safest, most satisfying & comfortable way for couples to avoid unwanted pregnancies. The procedure is quite simple (out-patient surgery), relatively painless & complication free and not too expensive. Good luck!

@MindErrantry Don’t bother w/ @Meathooks24 ‘s response. Cleary s/he has some “moral agenda,” and I can postulate w/ almost 100% certainty that their “advice” is inspired by some 2,000 year old book…

Meathooks24's avatar

@MindErrantry I was just saying that most people make that decision because they are selfish in the fact that they dont want the stretchmarks or to go through with all the crap again. instead of worrying about having a companion for that first child. AND I KNOW FOR A FACT MOST SINGLE CHILDREN ARE SPOILED AND WONT LEARN MUCH FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD!!! they don’t go through the same trials and errors as people with multiple children because they get everything they want from their parents.

Meathooks24's avatar

@tb1570 Acttually i am basing my “advice” out of experience

btko's avatar

Condoms – and if that fails, take the morning after pill.

MindErrantry's avatar

(one last bothering to respond) @Meathooks, clearly you have had a bad experience somewhere. I don’t know any spoiled single children, though I’m sure they exist. I see no ‘fact’ here.

@btko—I hear tell that the morning after pill is not something you want with any regularity… I know you said ‘if that fails’, but it’s of course best to make sure it doesn’t!

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@Meathooks24 I disagree with almost everything you’ve said. Yes, kids are awesome & beautiful. But in this day & age, one has to think of the cost of raising a child to give them all they need. Shelling out kids is very irresponsible.

Only children are spoiled & won’t learn the outside world, huh? Bullshit!! I’m an only child, & believe me, I was NOT spoiled! My parents taught me that I was not the center of the universe & things didn’t revolve around me! As far as not learning the world & how to relate, anyone who knows me knows that that’s not me. You seem to have an askewed view of things here.

2late2be, I admire you for wanting to take responsibility. My husband had a vasectomy after I had our 2nd daughter years ago. We’ve NEVER regretted it. Why can’t the man step up & do his part, too? A permanent solution is something that you have to be real sure of, but if you ARE sure, that’s the only way to go, in my opinion. Doing it at the birth of your little girl is the perfect time for YOU to have it done if you want it. And you don’t have to have a c-section to do it. This temporary birth control stuff is too iffy if you really don’t want any more children. I say you’re on the right track. I’m wishing you the best. :-)

TheFonz_is's avatar

not having sex.

btko's avatar

@MindErrantry, Yeah I think that’s certainly true. You don’t want to rely on the morning after pill. It doesn’t have a 100% success rate either. But I think a proper use of condoms and if something goes foul then resort to the morning after pill. I think that’s better than my girlfriend taking “The Pill” every day – chemicals that change your natural body functions that much can’t be good.

Ashpea9288's avatar

@Meathooks24 You’re seriously telling a married couple, who are very obviously in love, to not have sex because they don’t want more children? ...Really? Honestly, you sound like a Bible-thumping child who doesn’t know the first thing about what she is talking about. People don’t want to get stretch marks, that’s why they don’t want to have more kids? Where exactly are you getting this from? If you were rational in any sense of the word (I know that is hard for you to imagine, but bear with me), you’d know just how expensive it is to raise a child, how many sacrifices have to be made for each child brought into a family, and you would understand, if not support, this woman’s RESPONSIBLE desire to take proper care of the children she already has, rather than being completely irresponsible and popping out kid after kid to the possible detriment of her already existing family.

That being said, @2late2be It sounds like your best option would be for your husband to get a vasectomy. Tubal ligation is extremely invasive and expensive. Vasectomies, while they may be a bit painful for a few days, are much easier to recover from, much less invasive (i.e. not major surgery) and I believe significantly less expensive. If for whatever reason that is not an option, I’d definitely do an IUD, and you’ll want to talk with your doctor about which kind of IUD would be best for you. Since you’ll have had at least one child by the time you look into doing this, you could ask about Mirena; it’s an IUD that lasts for five years and can be removed at any time if you decide you want more children. You can read about it here:

Good luck!

Likeradar's avatar

I think the best method of BC depends on your own chemistry. Have you looked into the NuvaRing (spelling may be off)?

And yes, ignore meathooks.

TheFonz_is's avatar

@Ashpea9288 seriously this comment “Honestly, you sound like a Bible-thumping child who doesn’t know the first thing about what she is talking about.” is possibly the worst way to get people to take you seriously, wether you agree with meathooks or not.

The fact that the person asking the question signs off with “i dont want to have to go through all this again” is worrying enough.

Seriously if you dont want kids, you dont want surgery, you dont want to take pills every day.. your being a little bit delusional…

There are other contraceptive methods like a vasectomy but it sounds like @2late2be is making a spur of the moment decision because she got pregnant (sorry if that seems harsh but its how i interpret your question).

I bet in 12 months time you have a very different view on life, plus sorry to tell you this but for the next two months if you have the baby naturally, you probably wont want much sex..

and again when you realise that you have a child there 24/7 demanding attention that sex can get put on the backburner a little bit.

maybe just wait and see how things go, concentrate on this wonderful life you now have the responsiblilty of and keep your legs shut for the next 3 months :) lol

oh by the way, this comes from a catholic who went to church for 16 years, doesnt anymore, is married and enjoys sex… just to show you ashpea :)

augustlan's avatar

Just a note, this is 2late2be’s SECOND child.

Ashpea9288's avatar

@TheFonz_is It really isn’t my goal to have someone like Meathooks “take me seriously.” Or you, for that matter. Exactly when did I say anything about you or whether or not you go to church, whether you are married or not, or if you enjoy sex? It’s my understanding that I was addressed Meathooks and 2late2be, not you. Meathooks was not giving any evidence for the ridiculous claims she was making and was being extremely disrespectful and judgmental toward 2late2be, which does indeed make her sound like the stereotypical uneducated Bible-thumper whether that pisses you off or not. There are MANY other birth control options for 2late2be besides pills and surgery, and not only is she NOT being delusional for not wanting pulls or surgery, but it’s also very responsible of her to want to know more about the other options. And you’re right, abstinence IS an option…but not for her. Don’t like it? Too bad. And so what if she doesn’t want to go through this again? What is so wrong with people wanting one child, or even no children? Being pregnant, giving birth, and raising a child is not exactly an easy thing, and if they don’t feel like they are prepared to welcome more children into their lives, then they are doing the responsible thing by NOT allowing that to happen and possibly not being the best parents they can be to that child.

The bottom line is that she asked a very specific questions, and if you can’t answer her helpfully and respectfully, then butt out.

dragonflyfaith's avatar

Pulling out is not a reliable form of birth control.

Talk to your OB about Mirena. Many will put it in during your 6 week post partum check up. As long as you’ve had at least one child you’re able to get it.

andrew's avatar

I have to make another suggestion for the IUD. It’s by far the most effective of reversable contraceptives…something like 99.99%.

2late2be's avatar

Well, Thanks all for your responses, it is very interesting to see any point of view, @Meathooks24, I dont really think im being selfish, we just want to give the 2 that we already have the best life we can, i think it is really irresponsible to keep having babies just because i dont want to use any kind of birth control, and of course, we’re married, we will not stop having sex just to avoid not to have any more children, is that the method you use? life is getting harder and harder to keep having kids, when we’re leaving to them this kind of world.

@TheFonz_is maybe you’re right, i’m pregnant, tired, in pain most of the days, but what i am really sure is that we do not want any more babies, and i know that if we use the pills and condoms, there’s always a possibility of gettiing pregnant again and i would keep my baby of course because i’m not in favor of abortion, and getting my tubes tied or my husband getting the vasectomy is way more secure.

@augustlan Thanks! i was about to say that! i already have a 29 months old baby boy!

2late2be's avatar

@TheFonz_is About your “you probably wont want much sex..’’ Of course i will not! LOL! but i will at some point! And i want to start thinking about it now, I want to be ready when that moment comes…

MindErrantry's avatar

@btko, ironically I’m mostly taking the pill for a medical condition where we want the chemicals changing stuff! And it is useful in the relationships arena too, I find, as there’s nothing to deal with during the actual intimate process. However, I do appreciate your point—we don’t really know what all the side affects of the pill may be.

jrpowell's avatar

Vasectomy. My sisters husband had one after the twins were born. He was only out of work for a few days. It isn’t surgery, it is a pretty simple and cheap thing to have done. They did it in the doctors office.

TheFonz_is's avatar

@Ashpea9288 hold up on the agression, slow down on the coffee… again this is an opion orientated site.. dont shoot me for having one..

I dont condone meathooks comment, but I didnt condone your own really.. 2late2be, let me make this clear, i wish you all the luck in the world with your second child, sorry for getting it wrong, im a brand new parent, im 25 years old, and the though of someone not having anymore kids probably hasnt entered my head yet, my son just turned 4 months old and im loving it..

sorry if what ive said sounds like im having a go, im not, im just offering my biased opinion :)

Ashpea9288's avatar

First of all, I did not address you or your comment to begin with. You took it upon yourself to “show” me, when I don’t even know what point you were trying to make…in fact, you proved the point I was trying to make—you are married, in love, and want to have sex, and so does she! Wanting to have sex with one’s husband without wanting to have more children is neither selfish nor irresponsible, and wanting to find birth control that fits what she wants is not delusional. What point were you even trying to make exactly? That I think people who go to church don’t like sex? When did I say that? Next time, maybe you should be the one to “slow down on the coffee” and think things through a little bit before you decide to “show” someone up.

Yes, sometimes this is an opinion site, but the problem here is that she did not ask for an opinion, she wanted real advice. Rather than be helpful and respectful, all you told her was to not have sex (really helpful, by the way, not to mention SO realistic when we’re talking about a married couple in love!) and later proceeded to tell her to keep her legs shut (how very respectful of you) and say that you were worrying over the fact that she said she “didn’t want to go through this again,” even though it really isn’t your problem. What really gets me is that you and Meathooks (although Meathooks is definitely more at fault for this) jumped to judge her for not wanting more children without knowing anything at all about her or her family.

Congratulations on being a new father, I’m sure it’s been a wonderful experience for you. But not everyone is you. And who knows, maybe you will feel differently once you have another child on the way along with the one you have now. All the more reason for you to slow down and think before you tell a married woman to keep her legs closed.

Jack79's avatar

I’d say “condoms”, but I don’t enjoy it with them, and neither does my gf. We practise CI, which is fine as long as you have enough self-control to do it properly. But of course can be very dangerous if you don’t.
I had a gf who took pills and they worked fine for her with no side-effects. It was really nice to not have to worry about pregnancy (though after a while I would actually have wanted a baby).

tb1570's avatar

@Jack79 What’s CI?

Lightlyseared's avatar


Guaranteed 100% effective

Ashpea9288's avatar

@tb1570 Coitus Interruptus, aka the pull-out method.

Ashpea9288's avatar

And withdrawal, even if done “the right way,” is still like playing Russian Roulette…the problem is the pre-cum that leaks out during sex and right before ejaculation, which still contains a lot of sperm. So even if you pull out at the right time, there’s still a very high chance pregnancy will occur. The failure rate is up to 25%.

Jack79's avatar

there are always solutions for every problem. I don’t have the problem Asphea describes. Besides, a pregnancy is not the end of the world in our case

Ashpea9288's avatar

@Jack79 Well that’s a good option for you then, I’m just saying that people who are serious about never wanting to get pregnant shouldn’t really bet their lives on withdrawal :P Especially if they’re open to more effective options.

Meathooks24's avatar

To everyone who is taking this too seriously. Obviously you all have too much time on your hands and live your lives on Fluther. If you are in anyway offended about what a person says on here you certainly have isssues. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and i was stating mine. Even 2late2be didn’t take what i said to heart. AND FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TALK SHIT ON A BLOG GROW UP!!!!!! I have never had issues at all in my life but i am from California and I personally know hundreds of thounsands of gold-digging self-centered spoiled “only child” people. If what I said offended you maybe there is some guilt there. Or you wouldnt be offended at all by what i said.

@ashpea9288 quit refering to opinions that come up to bible-thumpin people because some people have similar believes. Obviously you werent loved enough as a child and probably killed little animals for fun. CHILL THE HELL OUT!!! QUIT TALKIN SHIT TO EVERYONE!!! AND I DON’T THINK I WAS BEING DISRESPECTFUL AT ALL.

girlofscience's avatar

@Meathooks24: Being an only child was awesome for me. My parents were able to afford to give me a fantastic private education that they could not have afforded if they had had more children. They also were able to shower me with 100% of their love and affection.

I plan to only have one child (by adoption, not natural birth) as well because of the wonderful experience I was given as an only child :)

Also, sex is wonderful and not to be abstained from.

Meathooks24's avatar

@Ashpea9288 talk about disrespect you have no room to talk. And you obviously have personal issues. I am a father of two and I love them both very much so for you to say i have no sense of the word and to try to bear with you. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO SPEND 12 MONTHS AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE? Try deploying to a foriegn country and being away for so long your children sometimes don’t remember who you are. I never once said everyone is this or that I just said that there are people out there and 2late2be never once said how many children she had. I told 2late2be not to have sex because the question states What is the best birth control method besides having my tubes tied? and 2late2be did ask for opinions not complete facts. wanted help from others.

Meathooks24's avatar


girlofscience's avatar

@Meathooks24: I didn’t say you did. I just said it was awesome for me.

Meathooks24's avatar

ok thanks for being rational and open to others opinions. Im glad you have a great life. hope it is full and prosperous.

Meathooks24's avatar

@2late2be I hope anything I said didnt offend you and if it did i apologize. Also I hope that you and your family has beautiful lives and grow together very close knit. Congrats on the children and good luck.

girlofscience's avatar

@Meathooks24: It is; thanks!!! :D

Jack79's avatar

can I uncover my ears now?

MindErrantry's avatar

people telling people to chill out shouldn’t be shouting

dragonflyfaith's avatar

@Meathooks24 You sure seem to reply a lot for someone who thinks everyone else here has “too much time on your hands and live your lives on Fluther.”

I would just double up on all the over the counter stuff until you can discuss it with your OB at your 6 week post partum check up. Use condoms and gels or foams.

Good luck with the birth of your child and making the decision on the right birth control option for you and your husband.

casheroo's avatar

I’ve heard far too many horror stories about Mirena. Every single women I know that has used it, had a terrible experience.
Two of them “lost” the IUD. One had to have her uterus scraped until the doctor located it. The other just went in for the same procedure. My one friend gained I think 25lbs, and so have many other ladies I’ve talked to.
I think it might be alright for women who haven’t had children, they might have an easier time with the hormones. Women who have just had children are all over the map with hormones.
Nuvaring, in my opinion, is uncomfortable. I could feel it during sex and it would hurt after sex.
Depo is progesteron based, and makes women break out a lot, and gained weight. (I lost weight on it, which is rare..)
The pill is hard to remember, but quite efficient.
All in all, it’s up to your own personal preference. I prefer not to be on anything, and we either use condoms or he pulls out. Only because I’ve been tracking my cycles and I know when I’m ovulating. When I ovulate, we use condoms. My husband is a teenager about using them though, and whines. lol.
Personally, if you’re done having children, why doesn’t your husband get the vasectomy. I can’t wait for mine to get his when we’re done! He can’t either haha

girlofscience's avatar

@casheroo: I am about to get Mirena. I have talked to several women who love it. But I am loving my body after having lost 10 pounds and do not want to gain 25!!! Any info on the weight gain or more?

casheroo's avatar

@girlofscience just google there are tons of things about Mirena and weight gain. But, I do have a feeling it affects women who have had children more, because I just think women who have had kids tend to gain weight more easily than those that haven’t. That’s just an observation on my part.

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Birkenstock sandals.

MarthaStewart's avatar

The most effective forms of birth control are sterilization and abstinence.
According to Planned Parenthood, Vasectomies usually cost between $350 and $1000.


Condoms with a spermicide lubricant, or just mutual masturbation or oral sex.

JustJessica's avatar

Mirena! I have it and LOVE it!!!

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