General Question

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

Why does it seem that its easy for a white girl to date a black man, but hard for a black woman to date a white man?

Asked by fedupwitcaddys (417points) May 17th, 2009

i was interested in maybe dating a white man in the future, but they seem uninterested. i am a pretty atractive light-skinned female, and ive seen alot nice-looking white guys that i wouldnt mind getting together with but they dont give me a second look. alot of black males are always trying to hit on me but i never once had a white male approach me. i dont understand. i dont have any racial barriers but its like im forced to be with my own kind. how can i meet a nice white male? and where? because they dont hang out in the same places i do.

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30 Answers

Girl_Powered's avatar

It isn’t, it is much the same both ways. I know lots of black women who date or are married to white guys, as well as white women who date black guys. I was dating a black guy when I lived in France – it is quite common there. The same in Belgium.

shilolo's avatar

I’m not sure this is really true. My best friend (who is white) has dated several black women. I think it depends on both people being into it and the right moment presenting itself. Maybe you just need to be a bit more forward with your intentions when you meet a “nice-looking white guy… that [you] wouldn’t mind getting together with.”

_bob's avatar

Out of curiosity, where do you live?

Judi's avatar

My sisters daughter in law is black. Not all white guys are biased. They gave my sister the most amazing and beautiful grandson!!

Darwin's avatar

Try focusing on guys because of who they are and what you have in common with them, not on their skin color.

willbrawn's avatar

This might sound bad, and it’s not always the case.

A black man sometimes likes a nice girl with no attitude. Now not saying all black woman have attitudes but they do seem to get mouthy and can be extremely physical. White guys like nice girls, they don’t want to restrain and sometimes can’t stop a black woman.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve dated a couple black girls in the past. But I ended it, couldn’t take the attitude.

fedupwitcaddys's avatar

i live in Gary,Indiana, and i dont have an attitude. im a very nice person. and sometimes when i go outside of Gary, im looked at like i dont belong. im usually made very uncomfortable. I get along with everyone.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

Speaking purely for myself here, as a liberal white male at age 23, I have in my life only found myself attracted to a handful of black girls. Of them I’ve only hooked up with in any form (kissed in this case) one of them.

I just don’t find myself attracted to too many black girls I guess.

On the other hand a close friend of mine (known him since kindergarten) is marrying a half black girl (another close friend of mine) this summer. I’m in the wedding party in fact. So it worked out for them. (actually, another friend of ours is dating her younger sister).

So I dunno, maybe it’s just an attraction thing?

But I mean if you’re looking for a date with a nice white guy and you’re in the central Ohio area, feel free to hit me up ;)

hug_of_war's avatar

My boyfriend is white and I’m black. If he’s right for you, he won’t care. Even though his brother and dad are racist, he still doesn’t care. But I never looked for him. Go out, meet guys, but don’t care aboutt their race, if they like you, they won’t care eitther.

Lightlyseared's avatar

Have you tried approaching the guys you’re interested in dating?

They might just be shy and would love to get together with you. This is the 21st century after all and the girls are alowed to chase the guys and not just wait for them to ask them out.

GAMBIT's avatar

I truly believe that love is blind.

Darwin's avatar

Love can be blind, but it is nice if your potential in-laws aren’t members of the KKK.

Supacase's avatar

Depending on where you live, interracial dating is unfortunately not easy either way. I will say the black male/white female couple does seem more common and I don’t know the reason. My husband did date a black girl when he was in high school, though.

nayeight's avatar

Some of the white guys in my area are weird about dating black women. It’s like they are scared of us or something. Now there are some black women who…(and I really hate to say this but I don’t know else to get my point across) act white and once this is evident, they won’t seem as scary to white guys because they seem to be more of what they are used to. But once they date black women, especially if it was only one, they never forget.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Well, I knew of a couple where the man was white and the woman was black, and I thought they had a pretty decent relationship, but yeah, I notice that white girls with black guys is more common than black girls with white guys, at least around here.

I’ve never dated a black girl, but I’d give it a shot if I wasn’t already married. :-) I think in time it won’t be as much of an issue as it is nowadays. Things might be different elsewhere, but in the Midwest, people still have an ‘issue’ with it.

nayeight's avatar

Also I think most white men prefer white women because of how they are raised and vice-versa. White women are made to look pure & clean, even the term white makes you think of all things clean and good. The term black is the exact opposite, dark, dirty, bad. Plus the majority of women portrayed In the media are white so it’s just what white men are used to. And I think white women date black men more because they are curious about…..well you know. Haha!

Facade's avatar

Most white guys don’t like the attitude that most black women have. I’ve heard guys say that they couldn’t put up with it so ::shrug::

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

There is a focus on attitude here that stems from the way blacks were perceived in the past by whites after the end of slavery and the road towards the civil rights movement, and I wish I could remember the article I read on it a few years ago. It did a very good job of explaining why black men were seen as threats to the white establishment but basically gave black females ‘a pass’.

The history of this country has some interesting side notes, as long as one realizes that you can’t change the past, but you can make a better future by learning from it. I’ll shut up now, so as not to hijack this thread.

Judi's avatar

I wonder, with he high rate of single parent families in the black community, white guys are intimidate by women who are used to being in charge of the entire family? It may also just be fear of the unknown. As @nayeight said, there’s a bit of fear. White guys might still be holding out hope for compliant June Cleaver and a woman who has seen their mothers run entire families by themselves is not about to sit around and say, “yes dear.”
Of course, we’re just talking stereotypes, but that’s what this question is all about.

Isolationary's avatar

The skin colour really should be the last thing you’re concerned about in regards to dating. In fact, I don’t think it should be a factor at all. Its nice to be attracted to diversity but I’d look for people who share your interests, hobbies, and taste in music first. Dating someone based on their appearance alone is hardly a good start to a relationship. That being said, sometimes you just have to approach the people you find attractive. If they are not at the places you usually frequent, find someone you like and take them out TO the places you like on a date. They may enjoy themselves and spread the word.

Judi's avatar

It is human nature to date based on appearance. Its first impression. If “the inside” is all that mattered in the dating world, the ugly girls would all have dates to the prom.

mponochie's avatar

Funny I just posted a question regarding interracial dating prior to seeing this. I can only answer your question from my prospective as a black woman. I think back to slavery quite honestly, suddenly everything about that male turns me off sexually. I have dated man of varies races before marrying a Nigerian man and I have befriended white man. I even briefly dated a white male who was super attractive but it never felt right, he did have other issues but I won’t go into that. While I do believe love knows no colors I still take issue with dating outside my race. There is more than interest and hobbies involved in being with a mate. Culture plays a big part in that role as well as finances they play a major part in why couples don’t last.

Darwin's avatar

@mponochie – Unless you are also Nigerian I can’t see that you would share culture with your husband, just possibly skin color.

HungryGuy's avatar

I’ve never dated a black girl, but I would like to someday. Though I’ve been friends with a number of women over the years, black and white. Now, I’ve noticed the opposite thing. Out in public or on the bus on my way to/from work, I’d notice a cute black girl and I’ll smile at her. But 9 times out of 10, she’ll just scowl at me. So this white guy has learned to shy away from black women. So my advice to you (indeed, all women who catch the eye of a guy they’d like to hook up with), if you see a guy you like, take the initiative! Guys have too often been burned by rejection that they’re often “gun shy” about approaching a woman in public, never mind the added issue of race on top of it.

deedee18's avatar

Depends on the guy i guess, I do not have that problem.Infact i get hit on alot by white dudes and i do not know what the hell i am doing, that they are attracted to. I have notied some difference to.The American white guys are more timmid, they would fish you in. SOmetimes it is confusing. WHere as the Euro white guys are bold from my experiences but not aggressive. they are not afraid to talk to you. My advice you you is that instead of looking for skin colour just look for a man with good qualities, because girl you would catch the wrong type of man who would just want to use you for sex.

deedee18's avatar

@HungryGuy lol maybe you would find one someday

HungryGuy's avatar

@deedee18 – Oh, I find my share of women in my own way. But not in the venues that most people do :-p

Earthgirl's avatar

I honestly have not read this in depth, it is very long and involved, but this website has many stories and videos discussing black women dating and marrying white men. Whoopi Goldberg on The View has a few things to say!
I don’t know if it’s the white men not being attracted, hard to believe this with so many beautiful black women out there, or maybe being intimidated or turned off by the assertive attitudes of black women. Is there some kind of power struggle inherent in this that doesn’t exist with black men and white women? Is it that there is more disapproval coming from black women’s friends and family because of this? Because of the historical exploitation of black women? The burden of this can be a lot for a relationship to carry. I agree with Whoopi. It’s 2011 she says (and now of course it is 2012) when is this going to end? Isn’t it about a person to person relationship? When will these shadows from the past go away?

I lived with a black man for 5 years. I loved him. He was my family. His color was a part of him and I will not gloss over the fact that it affected our relationship, but when I looked at him the color of his skin was not what I saw. He was an individual, a unique person, not a representative of a racial group. His race became totally unimportant to our one on one relationship. But his race could not be escaped in the greater world of society. People will always judge and criticize and disapprove and resent. This is what makes it truly hard for some interracial realtionships to work.

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