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Jude's avatar

What are some of the ways that you had commemorated your loved one's passing?

Asked by Jude (32134points) May 24th, 2009

Tomorrow, it’ll be 2 years since my Mom passed away. I’ll be busy tomorrow, but, I know that I’ll be thinking about her all day. I’m going to try to think of happy times and not the sad/difficult times near the end. I’ll make my way to the cemetery and leave her some Lilacs (her favourite) and probably sit down by the beach by myself and think about her..

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17 Answers

lillycoyote's avatar

I planted a garden of daffodils and tulips for my mother which were what were blooming around the time that she died. I like that they come up every year for her. Also some day lillies where her ashes are. I planted day lillies in memory of my uncle. I’ve have been meaning to plant a yellow rose for my father because he had a yellow rose bush he loved that died not too long before he did. It’s been two years now and I still haven’t gotten around to it. I do have a little “shrine” at my house in their memory, and shrine/box where I keep little things that remind me of them. This q has reminded me that I really should plant that rose for my dad. I like planting things in memory of people because the plants live on, rather than bouquets of flowers that die.

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hungryhungryhortence's avatar

My mother and I talk about my Grandfather now and then, we go slow and let ourselves be sad while remembering the good things in order to ease out with time (it’s been 4yrs now). I say whatever it is that works for you and feels natural. In my room is a framed picture of my Grandfather backed with an envelope containing some of his hair, I admit to talking to him some days and I think my mom picks up and talks to a watch of his. Be good to yourself, I believe that’s the best our passed love ones would want.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I keep those I’ve loved alive by remembering the good times we’ve shared and that they enriched my life by being a part of it. Rememberances of those we’ve loved and lost is never a waste of time.

Jude's avatar

@MrGeneVan waste of time? Wow, okay, that sounded harsh, but, whatever works for you…

aprilsimnel's avatar

For my “surrogate” mother, I’ve gone to the cemetery to place flowers on her headstone, and a few months ago the whole family had a dinner at the “homestead” on her birthday. She died 9 years ago as of last Wednesday, and I have a photo of her and Dad (who has also passed on) up in a prominent place.

hearkat's avatar

My son and I would go to the beach to honor his father, and then eat at his favorite restaurant. When he was little (he was 7 when his dad died) he’d write notes to his dad and put them in the ocean that his father loved so much. We’d do this on his birthday and the anniversary of his death… or any time my son felt like it. Over a decade later, my son no longer feels that it’s necessary, but we still go on occassion.

dannyc's avatar

They live on in your memories, and your dreams. I think often of my Dad when I have a difficult decision. His calm logic, unfailing loyalty and knowledge he passed to me, are alive and well and guiding me as I make my way. I thank him in my mind as I say, “now what would Dad have said about this or that”..and he works and lives through me. It is very fluid and never lets me forget him.

hug_of_war's avatar

I think it’s nice to talk about the good times you had with them with someone both you and the deceased are close to

Darwin's avatar

The year after my grandmother died the family all got together and shared photos, stories and silly movies. That was a very nice experience.

augustlan's avatar

I like the ways the Jewish honor and remember their dead. On Passover, you light a special candle for each person you are remembering. The candle burns for 24 hours, and must not be extinguished in any other way than just burning itself out. Also, when you visit a grave site, you leave a pebble on top of the headstone. Sort of a calling card. While I am not Jewish, my ex-husband is and I always lit a candle for my grandmother during our Passover Seders.

hearkat's avatar

I forgot to mention that my sonaldo got a tattoo in memory of his father. He carefully chose the design and planned the layout. I wish he had researched artists, too; but instead he went to a place that wouldn’t check his ID, rather than waiting six more months until he turned 18. It looks pretty true to his template, but I think it could have been nicer.

skfinkel's avatar

Also in the Jewish tradition, you light a Yarzeit candle on the person’s date of death. It is a 24 hour candle lit from the evening before the date to the next evening. Very meaningful and helpful.

Jude's avatar

Just brought a large, orange Gerber daisy over to the cemetery. Tough day, today. Tried to keep busy, but, everywhere I turned, people wanted to talk about it. I’ll be glad when it’s over.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I have a type of alter for my loved one who passed. I also have a memory box and am working on some other similar mementos. We have also had a memorial and done other small things to recognize him.

For friends I have lit candles and released balloons then taken pictures and sent that to them.

I think that your idea of taking favorite flowers to the cemetery is beautiful. I heard a friend say that when she went she would always bring a couple extra and put it on some empty gravesites as a way of honoring her loved one’s memory.

Hugs. It was a hard day for me as well and I feel rough today.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@skfinkel I have been searching for memorial rituals from different cultures. That is a beautiful one. Thank you for sharing.

@augustlan likewise

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