General Question

lisaj89's avatar

How old is too old to live at home?

Asked by lisaj89 (720points) May 28th, 2009

I’m a college student working at a minimum wage job and living at home. I was fine with the idea of living at home when I first began college, but now as I’m about to turn 20 and begin my junior year, I feel like a loser. My studies make it unable for me to find a full time job, so I have no money to move out. I mean, don’t get me wrong, having dinner cooked when I get home early is GREAT! But not being able to have people over, or having my mom call and ask where I am and if I’m going to be home late, is getting very old, very quickly.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

52 Answers

MrGV's avatar

If you’re still in school it’s never too old, but if you sit around the house doing nothing all day you’re too old.

lisaj89's avatar

No, I’m hardly ever at home. Luckily, a lot of my friends have houses/apartments so if I’m not at school or work I usually hang with them.

Johno666's avatar

There is no need to worry, I am 28 y.o & I still live at home with my parents. Ive lived out of home since I was 15 though, until now. It is a real drag to be stuck at home.It is really humiliating for a 28 y.o man to be watched & monitored 24/7. Being told to be “careful”, every time I leave the house.I have a legitimate excuse though, I’m court ordered to live their, so the choice is out of my hands. I really sympathise for you though. I know exactly how it feels!Being told to turn the music down @ 8pm is downright offensive.

dannyc's avatar

When you are exploiting your parents and not contributing, subject to being of adult age.

Darwin's avatar

I think 40 is too old.

Seriously, once you graduate and get a job that pays enough for you to have your own place you are too old to live with Mom and Dad unless you are their caregiver. Up until then be grateful for hot dinners and a laundry room that doesn’t require quarters.

wundayatta's avatar

Boomerang kids, they call it, and it’s more and more common, particularly when the economy is bad. There is no set age, but when you get sick of not being in control of your own life, it’s time to get the hell out!

cak's avatar

I don’t know about an age, but when you have the ability to support yourself…move out.

I started dating a guy (years ago) that seemed so “together,” but he had me fooled, for a few dates. He said something about swinging by his house to pick up a gift (we were going to a birthday party), when we got there, his mother came out to the car to meet me. I had no idea he was still living at home. He had a great job, he just liked living at home. He said until he proposed, to had no intention of leaving home.

I doubted his ability to ever move out….we didn’t continue dating. I’m married now. He’s not. He’s still living at home.

Aethelwine's avatar

The day your parents kick you out.

cyn's avatar

after graduation
17–19 years old!

asmonet's avatar

@cyndihugs: That’s not a very good age range, maturity and financial stability are many years off.

ratboy's avatar

I know several old people who live at home.

cyn's avatar

well then
after college graduation
then you make a life of your own!

EmpressPixie's avatar

In the United States, the growing trend it to live at home until 26 or 27. Thought I technically live 1500 miles from home, I still list it as my permanent address because I have to move where the job is. I won’t be settled for at least five more years. As to actually living there, well, my sister lived at home a year after college. It saved money.

You go to college close enough to home to commute? You should live at home. Simple as that. It’s cheaper. The economy blows. You will need whatever money you have when you graduate if your job offer takes you away. Save your money now.

Live at home. And if your friends don’t see the sense in that, get new friends. Because if they can’t see that living at home saves you $1000 a month in rent and that it is IMPORTANT to take advantage of that kind of situation they are, well, morons.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I left at 18, myself. I suppose in America (and Canada, the UK, Australia and similar), once one graduates from university, say 21–24-ish, is when one is expected to start living on their own. Is that the norm in most other parts of the world? I don’t believe it is.

Edit to say: 27! Whoa. I guess in this economy, yeah, that’s probably what a person would need to do.

whatthefluther's avatar

When the girl you’ve been dating, a gorgeous former playboy bunny, and several years your senior, invites you to move in with her (I was about 20, she was 27, she is still one of my {and now also @sccrowell’s} very best friends and at 61 years of age, is still gorgeous). wtf

AstroChuck's avatar

Doesn’t everybody live at home?

cyn's avatar

i think what lisaj89
means by home is living by her own
i’m just guessing…

cyn's avatar

what about hobos?

Johno666's avatar

I think it really depends on the individual. But there are many variables such as, socio economic background, quality of home life, personality,relationship with parents, career & or career aspirations, marital status, finances e.t.c, that will contribute to the decision. Age is also a large factor.All of these can occur at different ages, so it can vary greatly what age is the right age or the wrong one. Myself & alot of my friends left home at a very young age.But the above factors were all contributors.

whatthefluther's avatar

@Johno666…as is a playboy bunny’s invitation….wtf

Aethelwine's avatar

They are still called hobos? I was a hobo for my first Halloween. 1972.

Johno666's avatar

@whatthefluther – Definetly!!!!!!!!!!!. That is a real no brainer isn’t it?

cyn's avatar

@bob_ oh darn it!

_bob's avatar

/me does a little dance

cyn's avatar

that’s cute

cyn's avatar

@bob_ can i join your dance

Supacase's avatar

It depends on so many factors; there is no set age. Some people may never move out or they bring their parents with them when they do. Sometimes it is a symbiotic relationship – mom pays the rent and you cook and clean for her, everyone is happy.

The problem I see with your situation is you are still living at home in a child/parent relationship instead of an adult/adult one. If she is calling to ask you when you will be home at age 20 she probably feels she has that right as long as you live at home and it will not stop until then. So, the answer is, how long do you want to live that way? Is it more important to save money and follow her rules for now or is it more important to sacrifice in some areas to assert your independence? There is no right or wrong answer.

FreddieMack's avatar

Live where you feel comfortable and “at home.”

chelseababyy's avatar

I think 22 is a superb time to move out, however I was out at 17.

LC_Beta's avatar

There is really no standard “right” age to move out of your parents’ home. It sounds like you’re doing what you can. HOWEVER, I do feel that I learned a great deal about how to manage my life by moving out right away and living way below the poverty line while I was in college. And it’s a very good feeling to be 100% financially independent and responsible for your own welfare, even if you’re struggling. I managed to graduate debt-free with honors and in the process learned how to live on a very tight budget. I really believe I’m better off because of it.

Response moderated
dynamicduo's avatar

As soon as you get a job and are able to support yourself, you should leave the house. I would put a maximum age of 25 if you had not left ever. If you had left and returned, I would say 30 is probably the maximum age.

If you are annoyed at your mother’s constant phone calls, then communicate with her and ask for them to be scaled back or eliminated altogether. Or propose that you call her to let her know what’s up once in the evening, then no more phone calls.

Aethelwine's avatar

Ben was modded?!? :)

janbb's avatar

ben was modded???? I wanna know what he said.

casheroo's avatar

I know my uncle didn’t leave until he married my aunt (she’s my mother’s twin) he’s full blooded Italian, so I guess it’s more traditional to them. He was in his 30s, and helped take care of his parents, ran his own business and saved up a crap ton of money. Worked out fine for him.

My brother has never left home. He works full time, pays his bills, just bought a brand new car and pays a decent amount of rent. He just turned 26, and recently he mentioned looking into buying a house…which made my parents upset. They like him living with them, and said they don’t want him to move out. I don’t think they’d do anything to stop him, they do increase his rent occasionally.. I just don’t know why he’s never attempted to move out.

I just moved back home, I’m 22 and married with a child. It got to the point where paying our rent was hurting us.. We’ll be paying my parents rent, but it’s half of what we were paying. We don’t plan on being here more than a year (probably be here 14 months though, so we don’t move in the hot weather again!) It’ll give us time to save, and it helps with childcare because I’m working and going to school so it’s already proven benficial for me and my school work. I actually have time to read and do my work! And my son is loving it, he’s talking so much, I never realized how being around multiple adults would enhance his verbal skills. So, it’s win-win all around for us.

It’s too old if you’re doing it to mooch, but if you’re living there..helping out by paying rent or groceries and general cleaning, then I don’t see what the problem is.

cyn's avatar

see i told you :)))
(go see chelseababyy’s comment)

Darwin's avatar

My parents just called me today. They want to move where I am, rather than have me move back in with them.

They are both 84.

chelseababyy's avatar

@asmonet I moved out when I was 17. I’m about to turn 20 in July. I’ve always had to work for things myself, and was never given money or anything else from my parents. They were actually convinced I’d amount to nothing, and that I would fail miserably on my own (ha, did I prove them wrong) They treated me like shit for the most part, but in some ways I thank them for that. See, I have a younger brother who will be graduating this year, my mom gives him EVERYTHING. He has her credit card at all times, and he used to drive her ‘04 Navigator until she bought him his own 2006 Jetta GLI. I was never given a car, and have had a job since I was 16. He’s had 1 job in his whole 18 years of living, and currently doesn’t have one now. You’re absolutely right about maturity, and everyone always tells me I act more like I’m in my late 20’s, and I am financially stable. My boyfriend and I moved all over—(for his work we lived in Cali, Oregon, and the Cayman Islands, and have been to many other states), and we just got a condo in Denver. We have bills just like everyone else, and a car. We don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck, we definitely have money saved, and money we can use for things like going out to eat, or the movies.

So I think it depends on the person, how they were raised, and their maturity. My brother is convinced he’s just gonna move out, get a place, and get all this stuff right when he graduates.Little does he know what it’s like outside of Mommy’s house…..

I still think 22 is a good age to be out of your parents house. Take control of your life, know what you need to do, and be independent.

YARNLADY's avatar

There is no such age. My son’s moved in and out depending on their circumstances, and in the past, parents have done the same thing. When Sonny and wife had a baby, we finally bought them their own house, since we also had two grandsons living here. Now Sonny lives there with two sons, his wife’s mother and her grandmother.

All around my neighborhood, families live with three full generations together, and it is quite common. This idea of teens moving out on their own was only practiced from the 1st World War (how ya gonna keep them down on the farm, after they’ve seen Paree?) through the 1980’s when a strong recession sent people back to the “family homestead” idea.

ratboy's avatar

Home is where you hang your cat.

asmonet's avatar

@chelseababyy: I know what you mean, it works for some, but those are the precious few. I’m really glad you’re kicking life’s ass right now. :)

YARNLADY's avatar

@chelseababyy You have overcome a lot and should be proud of yourself. The people I am talking about are mostly self-assured, mature people helping each other out, and each one contributes to the household in his own way.

I am constantly dismayed at the stories of such horrible families that keep coming up here. I never realized how unusual my family life is

AstroChuck's avatar

@ratboy- Why one you ever want to hang a cat? That’s just sick.

chelseababyy's avatar

@asmonet Most definitely, and thank you. I kinda feel bad for the people who don’t have it together until their late 20’s. I love being on my own, being able to have my own place, being able to leave people behind that didn’t believe in me, and have so much to show for what I’ve done!

chelseababyy's avatar

@YARNLADY That’s definitely what it takes. My boyfriend and I work so well together, it’s awesome. We get so much accomplished together.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther