Social Question

jaketheripper's avatar

Anyone want to share comical misconceptions about sexuality they had during the early years of their life?

Asked by jaketheripper (2773points) September 21st, 2009

you know… before you had it all figured out. I’m sure most of us had some hilarious ideas pieced together in our heads from movies, things our friends said, and what not.

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85 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I thought two condoms were better than one.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Oh i have a really effing embarrassing one. When I was really really young and first learning about female reproductive anatomy, I didn’t understand where the clitoris was from the two-dimensional diagram in the health book. I thought it was inside the body, like inside the vaginal canal, and I couldn’t figure out where mine was until I was like 16.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I have one, but it’s too embarrassing to tell!!! :-/

sjmc1989's avatar

I don’t think this is the right kind of answer but I really love this story. When my sister was little she used to think having sex was when a guy peed in a girls mouth. When she told me this a few years ago I told her no wonder it took her so long to lose her virginity!

deni's avatar

I thought I would always walk funny the day after I had sex LOL

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I’m already cracking up! This is going to be good.

Facade's avatar

This may not be sexual, but I used to think pee came out of the “thingy.” Now I know the “thingy” is the clitoral hood, and pee doesn’t come out of there :)

sjmc1989's avatar

@Facade That was going to be my next one! When I was in Sex Ed the lady said we had three holes below the waist. I kept counting and was puzzled all day about that. GA!

filmfann's avatar

Young men should not read Playboy. I did, and during a very early sexual experience, tried fisting my gf.
Of course I have huge hands, and didn’t even get close, but really pissed her off.
I thought I was doing something right.
Playboy is not a helpful sexual manual.

jaketheripper's avatar

I thought the act of ejaculation took place throughout the entire act of intercourse. Like you were just peeing your semen the whole time lol

knitfroggy's avatar

@jaketheripper I’m dying here…Peeing semen! That has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read and then had a mental picture of!

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Oh and when I was in pre-school, I knew that babies came from pregnant women’s bellies, and I also knew that “not everyone has a daddy, and there’s nothing wrong with that”, so logically I thought that women could get pregnant spontaneously, without men.

Sarcasm's avatar

I thought a similar thing, @jaketheripper. I remember in my first masturbatory encounters, wanking for a little while and then going to the bathroom and peeing, congratulating myself on having properly ejaculated.

alekseistevens's avatar

when i was in 4th grade, my teacher told us about how china had a 1-child-per-family limit. not understanding that pregnancy was not something that simply happened to women periodically over the course of their lives, i asked, “what if they have a second child?”. my teacher responded, cautiously, “well, they… just… don’t”. Perplexed, I responded, “But… what if they… do?” Realizing my ignorance, the rest of the class started to giggle.

filmfann's avatar

@alekseistevens Welcome to fluther. Lurve.

Zen's avatar

Oh come on, give @Simone_De_Beauvoir extra lurve for that!!!

Zen's avatar

@La_chica_gomela You mean it isn’t?

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Okay, after seeing some of these, I’ll tell what I thought. My poor mother (God love her) was NOT one to talk anything about sex. I had learned that in order to get pregnant a man had to put his penis into a woman’s vagina. So I asked her one night how long he had to leave it there. She never did answer me. I remember her saying “uh, I don’t know.” I thought that’s strange. How did I get here? I never asked her anything again.

YARNLADY's avatar

I thought all you had to do was get married and all your problems would disappear.

DominicX's avatar

I remember not understanding how you could ejaculate instead of urinate. I thought it was some conscious choice you had to make. It wasn’t explained to me in a enough detail, I guess. lol

I remember thinking “what am I gonna do when I have sex?!!” because I was too embarrassed to ask about it. :P

Pol_is_aware's avatar

When I was young, I saw a television argument with a man and a woman about whether they had had sex the night before. (It must have been kinky sex because) The man exclaimed that he had the scars to prove it. So, until I was about 12, and watching my first pornos, I assumed that having sex left scars, and it was just another thing no one talked about.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I used to think that it was the erection that caused the semen to come out and when there would be commercials that warned against erections for more than four hours I didn’t a man could have that much fluid in his body.

My boyfriend just told me a good one. Apparently, when he was younger, he asked his aunt where his cousin came from and she said that she pooped him out. My bf thought that meant that she went to the bathroom one day and poof, a baby came out.

laureth's avatar

I knew you had to put tab A into slot B. What I didn’t know was that you were supposed to move around. :)

answerjill's avatar

@La_chica_gomela—I thought the same exact thing! I even remember asking my mom if a lady could have a baby on her own, without being married. I think that my mom misunderstood me because she answered with something like, “yes, a woman does not have to be married in order to get pregnant, but it is usually a good idea to be married first.” I was asking a different question—in my mind, I meant something like “Can a woman spontaneously conceive, without having sex at all?” On another note, somehow, from watching tv shows like “Three’e Company,” I came up with the idea that a woman could get pregnant from just sleeping in the same bed as a man. This is because on tv, they would say that a couple “slept together” and she got pregnant. I took the phrase “sleeping with” literally!

Darwin's avatar

I thought that boys had cooties.

holden's avatar

Not exactly my comical misconception, but I remember having to explain to my bewildered 17-year-old male friend that women don’t actually pee through their vaginas, they (like men) pee through the urethra.

And like many here have already related, I went a long time thinking that it was possible for a woman to get pregnant without actual penetration, like if a man and a woman’s genitals came into contact through their underwear.

Sarcasm's avatar

@Darwin How misinformed you were! It is the girls who have cooties!

Pol_is_aware's avatar

I don’t know if I’ll be able to go through with it or not, but I plan on sitting my children down at a young age and making diagrams with my hands.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

When I first discovered masturbation it took me a few hours to actually follow through with the whole process. When I’d get close I kept feeling this strange sensation (which at the time I thought was the urge to pee). So I had to build up my courage and finally let “that funny sensation) happen. I held my breath expecting that pee would come out. Luckily no fluids were involved. And after learning how amazing orgasms felt I didn’t leave my bedroom for days!

le_inferno's avatar

@ItalianPrincess1217 I thought the same thing! The confusion with arousal and the urge to pee. They kinda felt the same to me. Needless to say, I used to hold in my pee.

Beta_Orionis's avatar

Damn! I really wish I had a misconception to add! These are all really excellent for laughs, insight, and a great discussion overall. Great question! :D

casheroo's avatar

@Facade I too thought pee came from where the clitoris was. And then I thought it was from the vagina. That third hole confused the hell out of me.

Facade's avatar

@casheroo Haha, I honestly just figured out there was a third hole like a year ago

Sarcasm's avatar

and then there’s the fourth hole

Sampson's avatar

I discovered masturbation before I could ejaculate. And when I finally started to, I didn’t know what it was. I thought I had some sort of horrible disease.

casheroo's avatar

@Facade Geez, what did they even teach us in Health Class?! I remember doing a report on the “kissing disease” that’s about all I remember. I think I was having sex before I figured it out. lol

Aethelwine's avatar

@casheroo They taught us that boys have cooties. Darwin is right! I never knew about the third hole until I was much older.

Facade's avatar

@casheroo They didn’t discuss such disgusting things at my grade school :|

Darwin's avatar

@casheroo – At the California high school I attended they showed us a series of films (the audience was perforce separated by gender). The only one I remember was the one about VD as it was called then, where random people (about 1 out of every 3 or 4) would suddenly develop a bright neon green crotch, symbolizing that they had caught something nasty.

I never saw anyone at that school or any other with a bright green crotch. I think they faked the numbers to scare us.

benjaminlevi's avatar

When I was in elementary school everyone called vaginas “peh-chinas”
One of my friends thought he was so smart when he figured out how girls pee, he thought they had litttle penises in their butts.

shego's avatar

My parents had always told me from the time that I was little, until I was 14, that if I kissed a boy I would have a baby. Well, I believed it, until I was walking home, with on of my friends, and he kissed me.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Mine isn’t as funny as most of these, but the only thing I can remember being confused about is when I was really young and saw my first porn. When I saw the guy start to have anal sex with the woman, I looked over at my friend and said, “Is he blind? That’s not the right hole.” There was no sarcasm in the question, of course…

kellylet's avatar

When I was little, like 1st grade, I thought “loosing your Virginity” meant kissing and gross!

saranwrapper's avatar

I thought it was Bagina with a B.

Cupcake's avatar

I seriously didn’t know the man went into the woman. I asked my mom about it once and she said “well, he wouldn’t have to…” and I inferred that normal sex involved the man ejaculating into the woman without penetration.

IchtheosaurusRex's avatar

I thought I was going to get more than I actually did.

Jack79's avatar

sex was always anal sex, since little girls apparently also had a penis (why wouldn’t they? I had one!)

Babies were born when the mother ate a seed (either as part of a meal or on its own) which then grew in her stomach to become a baby (the encyclopedia only had the stages after conception and was not too clear about how sperm enters the body in the first place).

Funnily enough, women only got to eat those seeds when they were married, and unmarried women somehow never got pregnant (well the ones I knew back in the ‘70s didn’t anyway)

answerjill's avatar

@saranwrapper – and I thought that the penis was a “tenis” (TEE-nis)!

CMaz's avatar

Na, nothing. Had it all figured out by 1st grade.

As far as doing it goes. The mindset was not there yet. Till the girls were on the same page. Then it all went together just fine.

Capt_Bloth's avatar

I was watching a sitcom with my mom. A couple came out of a bedroom after having sex, and they were wearing each others’ clothes. I remember being so confused, I was trying to think of what possible physical activity would result in people exchanging garments by the end.

efritz's avatar

When my mom was pregnant with my sister (I was about three), I asked her how the baby got in there, and she said that God put it inside her. So I figured immaculate conception was the norm.

Also, I thought that everyone was born with a penis, and that it fell off once you weren’t a baby anymore.

wundayatta's avatar

For the longest time I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was called masturbating. Somehow it seemed to me that masturbating was something much more complicated and wonderful. Finally, when I was sixteen, I got up the courage to ask a schoolmate about it, and he confirmed that, indeed, I had been masturbating lo these many years!

casheroo's avatar

When I was pregnant with my son, a little girl in Target was talking to her mother about me. And then I heard her say something about throwing up a baby. The mother turned to me and told me she has a younger child, and told her daughter that women basically vomited the baby up. I was actually stunned at the lie. I’ve never heard that one before. But, I went along with it.

knitfroggy's avatar

@saranwrapper Bagina with a B makes me think of this girl my sister and I went to beauty school with that had named her son Labian prounounced like Lay-Be-On. Everyone told her that really sounded a lot like labia. We all got a kick out of that. She quickly started calling him Lavion instead

deni's avatar

This question is GOLD.

bumwithablackberry's avatar

A blowjob was when you swallowed a piece of paper and a girl blew on your dick, and the paper flew out your ass.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I never could understand why they call it a ‘blow job’. You’re certainly NOT blowing anything. Why not a ‘suck job’?

deni's avatar

@jbfletcherfan suckjob, while more accurate, is something i would never want to say out loud lol

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Why not? Everyone knows what it is anyway.

Facade's avatar

“Suck-lick-nibble-fondle job”?

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@Facade Hahaaa…that pretty much covers it.

Resonantscythe's avatar

I saw my first porno really young so i thought that holding the girl down and slamming into her like a crazed jackhammer was the “proper” way to do it.

Resonantscythe's avatar

@casheroo Oh, yeah because of that I also thought it was normal for it to hurt the girl. I didn’t realize that the moaning was good.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

my friend told me that she thought ‘straight jackets’ made you ‘not gay’. ahhahahhaa.

eponymoushipster's avatar

since when do they show fisting in playboy?

when i was younger, i thought you just rubbed against the outside of the girl. i didn’t really get that insertion was necessary.—dry humping, kinda sorta—

MacBean's avatar

I couldn’t think of anything until I read @Cupcake‘s answer, and then I remembered…

When I was in kindergarten, I got a book that answered a question for every day of the year. My parents meant to read it with me, one day at a time, as the format suggested, but I was impatient and wanted to know everything right away, so I skipped ahead and read the ones that interested me on my own. One of these included “How are babies made?”

As I recall, the answer was your typical “When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…” type of thing. It said that when people love each other, they want to show each other by being close, and that the man will put his penis between the woman’s legs and move. So I spent a couple of years under the impression that girls had to close their legs and guys would put their penis between her thighs and just hump away.

(When I was in second grade, I got another similar book, only this one was more descriptive, and then I understood how it was supposed to be done. I never fully trusted anything from that first book again!)

casheroo's avatar

@MacBean lol! I saw a book in the children’s section not too long ago. It totally scarred me. It was extremely graphic cartoons, but in terms for children. It was just way too much. I wish I knew the name of the book!

deni's avatar

this is seriously SO EMBARASSING i think less of myself just for doing this. when i was like 12 or something we first got a computer and i liked chat rooms because they were fun but then they started getting contaminated with perverts wanting to cyber. so one day i was curious and i said yes and then this person started saying stuff that wasn’t even really dirty, just basic stuff but i was young so i had no idea. I think at one point they said to touch myself and i said TO THEM -“WILL THIS GET ME PREGNANT?” i’m honestly so embarassed by this i wish i could make my little icon thing blush.

Pol_is_aware's avatar

@MacBean That penis through the legs thing can work!

@deni I’m pretty sure everyone has had a run-in with cybersex. Atleast we can hope, right?

wundayatta's avatar

My lips are sealed!

Sarcasm's avatar

is that the embarrassing story, @daloon?

wundayatta's avatar

@Sarcasm Wouldn’t you like to know!

eponymoushipster's avatar

@daloon i bet that hurt the first time, then.

Ishkabible's avatar

There can be seven holes, if not more.

[maybe NSFW, drawing of female genintals]

Sarcasm's avatar

I’m not seeing it. Butthole, vagina and urethra. What are the other 4? Or are you referring also to the pairs of labia as holes?

eponymoushipster's avatar

@Ishkabible i like that the vagina has a vestibule. makes it more welcoming. til those skene glands squirt ya!

answerjill's avatar

holes in ears?...not for sexual purposes, but they are holes!

bob_'s avatar

@answerjill They’re not? Uh oh…

SundayKittens's avatar

Once a woman had a baby, she could spontaneously be pregnant again if she didn’t take those pills I saw my mama take everyday.

Lesbians and Thespians are the same thing. This confused me a lot when I’d hear my gramma talk about being a serious thespian.

Also, tampons and those springy toilet paper holders are interchangeable..

SundayKittens's avatar

The link didn’t work for me either. I wanna know about the other 4, too!!!

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

My friend recently informed me that when she was little she thought that if she sat on a chair after a boy was sitting there she would get pregnant. Apparently she used to always sit on her knees or on her feet to avoid making contact with the chair.

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