Social Question

Lacroix's avatar

Does knowing a person has cheated/is cheating on their spouse/sig. oth. affect whether or not you feel you can trust them?

Asked by Lacroix (530points) November 16th, 2009

Do you consider the way a person handles their “most important” relationship when deciding whether or not you can become emotionally invested in them, or can do business with them? What, if any, affect do you think it has on how you view them?

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11 Answers

DrBill's avatar

Simply put, you’re trustworthy or not. It is reasonable to assume that if you will cheat on someone you love, you will more easily cheat someone you don’t.

In the case of SO, no one has made a promise to keep. If you’re not committed to someone enough to marry them, then you have no ties to them, and either of you can leave at any time.

bunnygrl's avatar

I know it’s not fair, but yes. A leopard (or person) rarely changes their spots (or personality). If I was single, and I knew someone I was interested in had cheated on their partner before, I would run for the hills. Life is too short for that kind of hurt in life and to go looking for it is madness. Like I said, I know this isn’t fair, and I know that people can change, but they do so less often than Haley’s comet says hi, so better to protect yourself, than go looking for pain. So, in answer to your question, I would not trust them in anything. If a person can betray that most intimate of relationships, they can not be relied on. Good grief, how judgemental does that sound? I’m sorry, it’s just based on what I’ve seen in my 45 odd years on this old rock of ours. hugs xx

Facade's avatar


FishGutsDale's avatar

It’s Character… Knowing that someone has cheated speaks volumes about theirs. Run, run hard.


filmfann's avatar

I know it’s judgemental, but I always think less of a person who cheats.

zephyr826's avatar

My previous boss was a serial cheater. His now ex-wife also worked in our building. He was eventually caught in the act, at the school where we work. I had huge trouble respecting him for the two years that I knew about it.

kheredia's avatar

My bf has a friend who had two girlfriends. At one point he impregnated one of them and was suppose to get married to her but decided not to on the day of the wedding. I can’t stand him. He can’t even come to our house because I wont allow it. My bf remains friends with him but only sees him about once a month if even that. I’ve lost all respect for that man. Any man who treats women that way needs a reality check. He’ll probably end up old and alone one day.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m not sure how I would feel about a woman who cheated. I guess I’ve known several, and I have found them to be rather admirable people, otherwise. Ironically, they were very protective of my family, completely supporting my desire to stay with my family, even when I wavered in that position.

On the other hand, If someone needs monogamy, then they shouldn’t trust me—at least in that area. I suppose I wouldn’t blame anyone who didn’t trust me in other areas because of that. However, I feel like I am an honorable and loyal person in all areas except for that one. I was physically with another woman once, and have not touched anyone else besides my wife before or since.

But I have a tendency to feel about myself the way other people feel about cheaters, and when people judge me, it is kind of a relief. I have no idea why people such as my wife haven’t given up on me. I don’t deserve it. Despite that, a lot of people seem to admire me, although, on occasion, I try really hard to stop that kind of thing from happening.

augustlan's avatar

It depends. Is this all I know about this person, or have we been longtime friends and I just found out about this? I have a friend who cheated on her spouse for years. I was appalled when I found out about it, and never condoned her behavior. However, she is a wonderful friend to me, and I’d trust her with my life. Would I marry her? No way in hell.

MagsRags's avatar

I’d want to separate it out – “become emotionally invested” is a very different scenario from “do business with them”.

Didn’t we learn anything from the aftermath of the Bill Clinton impeachment? Despite Clinton’s sad sorry-ass perfomance as a husband, I trusted his performance in the oval office much more highly than his successor who seemed to be a faithful husband.

Psychedelic_Zebra's avatar

No matter how long I have known someone, as soon as I find out they have cheated on their spouse, my respect level for them goes WAAAAY down. There are many ways to solve marital problems. Fucking around with someone else is just selfish and destructive behavior. There is no excuse for it.

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