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ModernEpicurian's avatar

How can trust be regained?

Asked by ModernEpicurian (1638points) December 18th, 2009

I’m sitting in my flat. My girlfriend has just gone out on one of her many nights out and will doubtless come back drunk as hell. I’m worried sick.

She has no problem lying to me when she is drunk, and I hate that more than anything in the world, I live my life through honesty. So I’m terrified that she will get with some other guy and then not tell me or something along that general line.

I just don’t know what to do. I trust her when she’s sober, but drunk I don’t trust her as far as I can throw her. I don’t have a clue what I can do to rectify this.

All help appreciated.

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15 Answers

pjanaway's avatar

Gun point! lol

NUNYA's avatar

Depends on how big of a “trust” issue was violated. It depends on how you take it. Only you can answer for you.

Bobgardenguy's avatar

Only sit her done and talk to her when she comes home.

chelseababyy's avatar

Let her know how you feel about how she acts while drunk. Let her know that her actions and words cause you to lose trust in her and that you hate it. She needs to know what she’s doing, especially if she “doesn’t remember” things she says or does because of being under the influence of alcohol.
Don’t kill yourself over someone who will lie to you just because they’re drunk. I’m sure you’re a great person especially for putting up with this crap, and you deserve someone that you can trust.

Trust can be regained back, but it may take a long time. You have to figure out if this relationship is worth it to you. Ask yourself if it’s really worth the time and effort you’re putting in, and analyze the situation.

JustPlainBarb's avatar

By someone proving it is deserved.
You might want to consider that this is not the best situation for you to be in. Maybe if she knew that you wouldn’t tolerate this, she might stop subjecting you to it. Trust is pretty much the most important thing in any relationship.

Soubresaut's avatar

Have you ever talked to her about this? (Preferably when she’s not under influence) Explained to her how hard it is to trust her when she acts the way she does? How she gets drunk and then out of control? It may be hard, but if you feel like you can trust her sober, you might want to talk to her about this.
If you already have, even if she’s told you she’ll work on it, you see the true answer pretty clearly in her actions…
Trust is absolutely VITAL. Without it, there is no relationship, not really. Trust is what keeps people together, I think.
But by asking this question, to me it seems like you feel there is a way for her to regain your trust…
The being drunk is a problem. If there’s any way she’ll work on this for you, yes! You’ll find your trust eventually coming back! Trying to make a change for someone you love means you do truly love them… To know that, though, you have to talk with her, however difficult it is…

woodcutter's avatar

never. not fully. that’s unfortunate but its true

Pandora's avatar

It depends on how big was the trangression.
How hurt is the other person
Does the other person already have trust issues. (if they do, your screwed)
And how much time you have to make amends?
The only real way that works is to prove your self everyday until they trust you.
Only time can help. There is no short cut, unless its something trivial.

Poser's avatar

Tell her how you feel. If she can’t refrain from getting drunk when you’re not around, then you should no longer be around.

proXXi's avatar

It can only be regained by being earned.

Pandora's avatar

I’m sorry, I didn’t read the whole thing the first time. In this case you should sit down and talk to her about her drinking. If she has a problem controlling her senses when she drinks than there isn’t anything you can do to regain trust in her. She will have to either give up drinking or you are going to have to deal with not being able to trust her, or you can choose to go with her when she is drinking or you are going to have to move on and find someone who doesn’t have this issue. It sounds like you don’t trust her and rightly so, since she isn’t willing to change. The only other option is if she learns to limit herself to one drink and not get drunk. Unless one drink is enough for her to get drunk.

danbambam's avatar

Tell her when she’s sober how badly it hurts you and how you feel you can’t trust her..
if she has no intentions of changing for you or at least trying to make it better.. I don’t think she is worth it because she will never change.

proXXi's avatar

I agree that when one is drunk is NOT the time to discuss drinking.

Just_Justine's avatar

Rather deal with any issues when you are both calm and able to communicate. As opposed to attacking the “symptom” head on.

partyparty's avatar

Tell her how you feel, and hope she reassures you. But there has to be trust in any relationship, without that you might as well move on.

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