Social Question

Starling's avatar

Was it my fault? Should I confess? Or am I overreacting? It all started on Yahoo Messenger...

Asked by Starling (7points) February 18th, 2010

My closest friend and I were watching Naruto spoofs (yes I know….degrading but still fun. I have my moments) only about fifteen minutes ago. We were exchanging links of them. The last one was shared by me. While watching it, the f-word came up in the middle, to our surprise.

Some background facts:
My friend comes from a very strict family: a very protective and easily angered family. To give you the idea: when our class took a trip to D.C., her mom called every evening to make sure she had not been “shot.” There was one point when her mother wished her to return early because of the “danger.” Another time, her dad went for a loop when he discovered that she had been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender secretly on the computer. Her family tries to protect her from every whirlwind in life, and clamps down on her in the process. They monitor her every activity.

I come from a family with contrasting habits. I was “exposed to life” prematurely. I was “educated” about life early (e.g. the birds and bees talk etc). I am mostly responsible for myself, and I am allowed significant amounts of freedom, with the only parental intervention occurring if I am going down a bad direction unawares. Because of this, the ways of my friend’s family are completely foreign to me.

Back to the f-word instance. When it popped up (on her speakers), her dad lost it and she signed out faster than a race horse. At this point, I have no idea what kind of punishment she’s going through. I wouldn’t be surprised if her parents banned her from chatting with me again.

Even though neither of us had prior knowledge of that word in the clip, I still feel responsible. I was one the sent my sheltered friend the link. I never knew of the existence of the word in the video, until it was to late. Should I step up to the plate with her parents? Should I defend her? Or should I just stay out of it?

P.S. Is my “little kid guilt feeling” justified, or was it truly an accident that I shouldn’t be blaming myself for? Help?

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17 Answers

jca's avatar

i would lay low and let the chips fall where they may.

SeventhSense's avatar

Don’t freak to much but I’d stay out of any direct involvement. That’s an issue with her and her parents as long as she’s a minor. And even if she wasn’t I still wouldn’t step in there. Just be a friend to her when she “gets sprung” and be polite to her parents.

YARNLADY's avatar

You could talk to her and/or her parents and keep it light – “Wow, we got caught by surprise on that one, hahah”.

davidbetterman's avatar

Don’t be absurd. Tell the parents it was your fault and she had nothing to do with it. Protect your friend.

john65pennington's avatar

I see this, this way. if the incident was purely accidental, you are not to blame. but, knowing her protective lifestyle and her parents you knew or should have known that profanity might come forward sooner or later. i would have skipped this scene entirely, because of her strict parents. that was your fault for not using better judgement. on the other hand, no one lives in a bacteria-free vacuum. how old is this girl, anyway? i am sure she has heard that word before. i would just lay low for a while and let things cool off. when she has the opportunity, she will contact you. somewhere down the road, you might have some explainging to do to her parents. they will respect you more if you then step up to the plate and admit your innocence.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

The fact that this started on Yahoo messenger suggests that it probably shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Cruiser's avatar

If you have to ask it is all your fault and you know it!!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Personally, think you should fess up and help your friend out.Or,you could tell your friend that you’d like to and see what she says.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. When dealing with YouTube and Yahoo music etc you have to apply caution, even more when you have a friend or contacting people like your friend. If you have any doubt leave it out. Screen it 1st in private so you know what the content is. Having not done that it de facto falls to you. So I would send a letter to her parents explaining that you did send it, she had no knowledge of what in it. I would not leave her hung out to dry on her own.

jerv's avatar

First off, tell your friend’s parents to save up lots of money for all of the therapy that kid will need when they hit the really-real world. Maybe they should set aside a little money to buy themselves some Valium or weed while they’re at it.

This is basically a no-win situation since the parents are nuttier than a jar of Skippy, and if you calim it was an accident then there is a good chance that your friend won’t see the Internet again until the parents are worm-food. On the other hand, not trying to help your friend poses other moral issues.

Not really having much other knowledge, I am hesitant to recommend a specific course of action, but it definitely is not your fault.

@YARNLADY Every person I’ve known who was like those parents didn’t know the definition of “light”.

SeventhSense's avatar

You sent her a video. You can’t be responsible for every word that she hears or her parents over protectiveness. You didn’t do anything wrong but if you step in and try to get involved in their parenting that’s a boundary issue.

Silhouette's avatar

I’d take the blame just because your friend lives in hell and I’d try to lighten her load. I’d also sneak over very late one night and draw a picture of a penis on the sidewalk in front of their house. Sheltering the girl to death is going to cost them big time. She is going to be totally unprepared for the world at large. She will either run amok at her first freedom or she will be overwhelmed by it.

SeventhSense's avatar

Ya the penis on the sidewalk should really lighten the tension~
Maybe she should stand outside with a boom box as well
ps for you car buffs last of the great chevys..

Silhouette's avatar

@SeventhSense My thinking is the girl being held captive should probably get a chance to see a penis before the ripe old age of 30 and her parents should get a small but significant reminder of how educating and openness is a more effective form of protection. They can’t shield the girl from every thing out there but they can prepare her for it.

SeventhSense's avatar

I agree but I think that shame based methods are rarely overcome by shameless behavior. If anything its strengthens the resolve of the prudish that the world is a dirty and dangerous place. She should just be a friend with an alternative approach.

SeventhSense's avatar

..and of course I will happily oblige those who needs some anatomy lessons :)
..i’m such a pig

Silhouette's avatar

@SeventhSense She really should leave the penis out of it. I probably would too, it was a wee joke. 8===D

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