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lazydaisy's avatar

Which is the worse tragedy?

Asked by lazydaisy (1500points) March 1st, 2010

grieving a loved one, or having to put your own grief on the back burner to help others deal with the loss.

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17 Answers

jrpowell's avatar

I’m not sure why someone couldn’t do both at the same time.

Sophief's avatar

Good and interesting question. I don’t know, I suppose everyone is different and also it will be different depending on who it is that has died. With my past experience I would say to grieve a loved one, but that could and probably would change in the future.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I don’t know that either one is a tragedy.People should deal with their grief in a way that suits them best.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

Helping others seems to be helping me. I’ve made more progress in the last wo weeks than I did brooding about it in isolation for over three months.

Judi's avatar

Helping others is one way to deal with grief.
I have learned that for myself, I must keep busy in the initial days of grief or I go crazy. I take comfort in the busy work that must be done and in tending to the needs of others. If all I had to do was wallow in my grief I think I would totally loose it.
Grieving comes in it’s own way and it’s own time. It might be postponed but it won’t be avoided.
If you are suffering a dificult loss right now I am so sorry. I hope you find an opportunity to grieve in your own way. Blessings to you.

marinelife's avatar

I spent time after my father died helping my Mom and my siblings cope with the loss. It kept me from actively grieving the loss, but it just postponed the grieving.

DarkScribe's avatar

Distraction from grief for a real purpose can only help.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’ve done a lot of both and they both suck. The only thing that helps me with this is Faulkner’s quote ” If I have to choose between grief and nothing, I will choose grief.” I’m sure I didn’t get it exact, I’ll have to go back for the exact quote, but it means the same.

Cruiser's avatar

The worse tragedy would to do neither. Grieving can be a solitary process but doesn’t have to be.

davidbetterman's avatar

The worse tragedy is grieving your own loved one, of course.

gailcalled's avatar

I have found it impossible to quantify grief (and still do).

Disaster_Porn's avatar

“grieving a loved one” That one.

Trillian's avatar

It seems like what you’re asking about is two things springing from the same event. And it would seem that having to focus on helping another to cope with a loss that you are both suffering under may help to ease your own pain, or maybe the grief shared helps. Aside from that, time is the real healer.

stardust's avatar

@gailcalled Yes, I think it’s impossible to quantify grief
I think there is no worse situation. Each person’s grief is their own. It’s an incredibly personal process to go through. Regardless of whether one focuses on helping others’ with their grief, they still have to go through the motions themselves, at one point or another. It’s a hard place to be.

lazydaisy's avatar

@Trillian Yes, exactly. Two things from a singular event.

filmfann's avatar

Helping another thru their grief can help you get over yours.

YARNLADY's avatar

Losing a loved one is the worst. Having someone to help can be a great way to ease the pain.

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