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iluvme1989's avatar

Loving someone that doesnt love you the same? how can i let go?

Asked by iluvme1989 (4points) March 12th, 2010

i really have a problem and i need some advice on how to let go!! please talk to me?
ok im gonna try to keep it short….me and my ex have been back in forth for 4yrs and we are almost always breaking up…..but the very last time we broke up he begged me to give him another chance..and i we were good for about 2months and then he fliped out on me again…so now im back where i started but man I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH`i dont know how to let go…we have a 9month old together also…i be so curious to know who he’s talking to that i even snoop on his fb page in read all his post and this one gurl he told her that he loved her and MISS HER AND he dont talk to me anymore he dont care about me anymore….but he was just trynna be with me a couple days ago….I’m so hurt and feel so disrespected and i dont know how to let go. he obviously dont care about me.

how can i learn to let go of the stalking his page?
and learn that he couldnt have possibly love me to think of me like that?
this is my 1st time falling in love like this and i was so good to him?
i find myself sending him messages on facebook, asking him why would he do that to me
i just wanna forget about him but don’t know how

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8 Answers

marinelife's avatar

It is possible that talking to a therapist would be helpful to you.

Lacking that, you need to force yourself not to look at his Facebook page. You could 1) unfriend him or 2) Just stay off of Facebook for a while.

Instead of focusing on what he is doing or saying to another woman, every time you start to think of him, force yourself to remember the times he “fliped out on me again” and all of the other reasons why you kept breaking up with him. Every time you start to stray back to thoughts of how much you love him, replace it with a picture of him flipping out. Just repeat that.

You don’t say whether he is supporting you and your baby. Is he? If not, you need to get some child support from him by going to court.

You need to focus on your baby and the baby’s future. Lots to think about there.

Good luck.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Your love for this man is pathological. That is, it’s not really “love”, but it passes for that in your mind. I’m not sure how to advise you to get counseling on this, but that might help to speed up the process that has taken decades of my own life to reconcile (and which started with some good counseling). Good luck.

chamelopotamus's avatar

The baby is the most important thing in your life right now. Your Ex is only a sidekick to that baby now, and if he’s not willing to serve the cause of raising a beautiful well-rounded child, and encourage that child to find what he loves, then why worry about him?

The question is, why would you chase after him, if you knew he was not going to strengthen the mother father child bond? You have been on and off for four years.

Im so sorry you have to go through this.

unique's avatar

that guy is an ass. get your head together, forget about him, and take care of your baby.

sixthsense's avatar

Ohhh I do feel for you. I’ve been in the exact same place and it hurts..a lot, unless people experience these emotions themselves I don’t think they really understand.

I’ve been there where I’ve felt that I have to pry on my ex, checked his phone and email and I did find evidence…even to the point where I was going to check on him when I thought he was working as he works from home. Thankfully I resisted but I did have reason because he betrayed me several times in our relationship.

You will get there when you’re ready to just accept that he is no good for you and just the father of your child. I really hope you meet that special someone…sadly I’m still waiting for mine.

bythebay's avatar

Perhaps you need to look at it as hanging on instead of letting go. Hang on to your self esteem, hang on to your sanity, hang on to your energies and resources so you can focus on yourself and your child. Hang on to you. If you start to really focus on your needs and those of your child, someone as immature and self centered as he sounds will fall away without you having to make a bold stance.

I suggest this approach as you don’t sound strong enough, right now, to make a break. So just regroup and center on you and your child. I know your disappointment is overwhelming and your hurt is deep. I wish you much strength.

Pandora's avatar

By remembering you only have one life. You already know he is not the type of person who will be there for you at the end of it. If your life ended this year, do you want your days till then to be filled with a hopeless cause. You have to decide you deserve better and that your baby deserves a happy mom. Your a mom now and so your world is no longer just about you. You have to fight for your childs happiness as well. You set the example for you child about what is acceptable behavior. Do you want them to see you as a door mat. Do that and they will either grow up and walk all over you (because lets face it dad, did it for years) or they will suffer low self esteem as well and be a push over as well. The only way to let him go is for you to decide you deserve to be happy and its time you make your own happiness and not rely on others to get it.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@marinelife and others have given you excellent advice. Preserve your self-respect and focus on being the best mother you can be without this guy who is nothing but a semen donour and some guy you are leaving in your past and moving on.

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