What do you think about fostering children?

I have considered it.

I think it is wonderful for people who care about children. You have to really care and be pretty special to do it.

I would definitely consider it. I’ve seen the good and bad that can come from foster home environments. Before I became a stepmom, I had an idealized view of how fostering troubled children would be a fulfilling and rewarding experience. My stepdaughter is a real handful and needs special attention. Now that I’ve grown accustomed to the extra effort a troubled child requires, I think I would be much better prepared to nurture a foster child. But, it is definitely a monumental decision. I think some people take it on too lightly and then abuse the system when they find it to be more work than they expected (I’ve seen this firsthand.)

Having been in “the system” for a short time as a kid, I know the importance of good foster parents. I would love to foster some kids of my own, or maybe even adopt some kids who are in need of loving parents. I would imagine it would be tough to see kids come and go. The behavior issues would be tough too, but rewarding if you can make a positive impact. I think it gets even more complicated though, if a foster parent has biological children of their own.

I would. Many children in foster homes are troubled or ‘at risk’ & given my familiarity with mental health & social services issues I think I could do it. I imagine it is very fulfilling & very hard….
But I disagree with your statement that foster parents will often abuse the situation. Yes, some do, but the vast majority are decent, loving people who want to offer a moments tranquillity & support to troubled kids. Perhaps if I were more settled, & my house wasn’t so nice I would try it… who knows.

I have a lot of respect for people who do it for the right reasons. If my situation was different and with a bit more life experience it is something I would consider.

Be prepared to be parents, 100%.

My husband and I are definitely considering for the far away future – we want another bio child, an adopted child and later on we’ll probably foster.

To me, the hard part would be falling in love with the child, then having the parent(s) put on some sort of act, like they have their shite together, and the state returning them back to their parents, and you know they’re going right back into the same abusive situation they came out of. I’d never get any sleep. It would just tear me up.

@Val123 I agree and this is why I’d want to foster teenagers until they’re emancipated at 18.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Ho boy! Good luck!

A willingness to adjust,accept,and encourage children is a must. I was a foster parent to many children, considered hard to place, for one reason or another. We started by attempting to adopt and it led to fostering. We enjoyed 38 children along the way and in fact,the first child is still with us. He came to us at age 5,handicapped with Down’s Syndrome,divorced by his natural parents,and is now 42. We had support along the way with all the kids. The Drs,schools,the courts, were all great. We also could financially afford to live our chosen lifestyle. The state didn’t always support. We also helped after kids went back home. Our decision at the beginning was no child to leave until it was established the child be returned to his natural parents. That took care of the bouncing around issues and gave the child a sense of security. We’re no longer able to actively be foster parents due to health issues,but I encourage people to have a look at their lives and ask they consider sharing. It’s not easy. It can be quite difficult, but someone’s gotta do it. And @Val123 ,separartion is a challenge,one we learned to deal with by interacting with the natural family before and after the child went back home. Many times that was an independent decision and not court supported but oh well,it worked for the child. Last words are, I believe the world would be far better off,if we all foster kids,whether they are in our homes or not.

There are so many children who need a loving home. You could make a big difference in their lives if you have good intent.

I have enough of my own so I’ll pass up on the opportunity at this time. But, if my situation is different, I would certainly consider doing so.

If I was going to do it I would do it because I wanted to help, nothing to do with the money at all. I admire people that do it but wonder how on earth they don’t get attached to the children… I think my next would be…why foster and not adopt? because surely it would be better help to the kids to give them long term family home life? I don’t know. I don’t know enough about it… but I couldn’t be a stop gap for a child, I’d want to cry all the time and hold them close forever.

@lynneblundell you asked: why foster and not adopt?

for some people, fostering is more fulfilling than fully adopting a child or children as they are able to help more of them in their lifetime. Foster parents are a special breed in that they have to take in kids with varying demeanors and try to get those kids settled as they transition to permanent adoptive homes. Not all adoptive parents are cut-out for foster care. But Foster parents can and do adopt.

I think it is a wonderful thing. People giving a child a chance in life to at least remember some positive feedback. I just wish foster parents were more closely vetted.

@njnyjobs thank you, sounds tough!xx

@lynneblundell Adoption is not commonly the goal for foster kids. The goal for the most part, is for the natural family to get well. Placement in FC allows the parents to know the children are safe and being cared for, until their situation is right for them to return home. Out of 38 children in my care,2 were made available for adoption,and we adopted both. That however is not common coming out of foster care. Also,some people comment on the money that foster parents ‘make’. As far as foster care provided by the State, there is no way the State comes close to providing what the child truly requires. That is why I said, we could afford to live the life we chose. My husband had a very good job and we could handle it financially.If we’d had to rely on monies from the state,we would not have been able to offer the kind of living we felt children should have.

I don’t think I’d foster a child. Not because I don’t like foster kids, but I’ve seen too many people destroyed by false allegations of child abuse. All you need is a troubled child to act out and say “my foster parent abuses me” and your reputation is tarnished for life.” I’ve seen it happen first hand. NO thanks. I’m sorry for the kids.

In this particular situation, my neighbor has a master’s degree in social work. She took in foster kids, and did a very good job of it. One day while they were at church, it snowed really hard. By the time they got back to the house, they had to shovel their way to the house. My neighbor brought a shovel to each of her children (she had several), and said, “Here, start shoveling, while I unload the car. Well, her foster kid took her shoes off, stomped barefoot through the snow into the house, and called her social worker. She told the woman that her foster mother made her wear pajamas to church, and made her walk barefoot in the snow.

Next thing my neighbor knew, she was permanently labeled as a child abuser. Even after the girl re-canted her story, they refused to take her name of the child abuser list. This means she will never again be able to work in her chosen field. Oh, the story goes on and on. It was a nightmare, and unfortunately, it’s all too common, for I’ve heard other stories like this one.

@snowberry Oh. That’s horrible. I’m so sorry….

@snowberry That is horrible. Was this is the US?

When my daughter was 2 a social worker friend thought I would be a good candidate for emergency foster care. That would mean taking children on a moment’s notice. Over a few days or a week the child(ren) would be seen by Drs and set up with clothes, a toy and as much calming as possible.

Right after I qualifies, I got a call about a 14 month old boy who had been abused by his mother’s bf and placed with a minister’s family. Within 2 weeks the minister had been called on a mission and they needed an emergency foster while they found a permanent one. Well we had him for five years.

He came with some emotional baggage. When angry or frustrated, he would hurt himself. It took almost a year before he would be in the presence of a man without a woman in sight. We tried to keep him in touch with his family. We had sibling visits, they were with his paternal grandparents. His legal father (not genetic father) was in jail and his mother in and out but we visited when possible with his mother.

Toward the end of the 5 years my marriage was breaking up. In those days only a married couple could foster so I didn’t tell the social worker that we had broken up or that I was working. In those days the pay for fostering was $105/mo. That was plenty for his needs-food, clothing, toys. The state paid for medical and a special needs kindegarten. When I worked both children needed after school care. Summer was coming which meant full day care, $55/wk, which I couldn’t afford.

Several of the children in his class were in the foster system, so I talked to his teacher about finding a placement with familiar people. I thought if we had a placement set up, he wouldn’t have to go with strangers. It turned out his teacher had just become eligible to foster so we presented it to the social worker and eventually he was adopted by his new foster mother.

that was a difficult time giving up a child after 5 years and seeing such changes. Later when qualifications changed and single working people could foster, I occasionally thought about it but never could bring myself to do it again.

It was in Utah, but this problem is wide spread (all 50 states). The social services system is a mess. Pure and simple. Try searching for “false allegations of child abuse” and see what Google brings up. You will be shocked.

I just remembered, Dr Phil interviewed a principal of a public school whose career was destroyed by this. He was doing so much good, and this happened. http://www.drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/2886/?id=2886&showID=612

@snowberry Thanks. I’ll check out your links. I’ve been out of the system for a good while now,and I can only imagine the possibilities in the world today.

I was an emergency foster care provider for many years. I can assure you it is a very rewarding experience. I was considered a go-to person for teens, so my house was sometimes full of teens for the weekend.

I never had any full time, the longest was a girl who was pregnant, and I had her for three months until she gave birth.

I can assure you that there are thousands of foster care providers across the country that provide wonderful homes for the children in their care. The few exceptions that you read about get in the news because they are so rare.

The reports of the award ceremonies for the hundreds of good providers that are often put on by the city or county are buried in the bottom of the news pile, and easily forgotten by the public.

@YARNLADY I agree with your comment, ’ the few exceptions that you read about get in the news because they are so rare’. It’s sad abusive situations pop up in any arena that involve our children.

@snowberry Huh…I read through that. That’s awful. But the part where the wife said, “Eventually, the 16-year-old student who accused Dr. Wilson recanted. “A local reporter got the accuser to admit on camera that my husband did not have sex with her. After all that we’ve lost, I can’t believe she changed her story,” Eva says angrily. ” kind of threw me off. Did “Eva” mean she would prefer to let the lie stand?

@Val123, I have no idea. I only saw part of the show…And it’s been a few years.

Man, you guys. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this immediately….for four years I ran a state and SRS certified daycare. Well, for about a year this one foster mom would bring her two foster kids to me. They were both about six months old. She’d drop them off at 8 and pick them up at 5. SRS paid for it (along with whatever she got a month for fostering the kids)....but. She didn’t work. She just went and had “her” time all day. Not a good sign, right? Well, this woman had nothing but disgust for both of her foster kids. One was a little white baby we’ll call Sherrie. Sherry had this habit of twirling her right foot while she sat in a high chair or a car seat. The foster mom said, “Her (biological) Dad does that too, and it is so weird.” She had a small sneer of contempt on her face. The other child, we’ll call Jerry, was a black baby. Foster mom noted that he “looked like a little monkey.” Again, same sneer. About a week after I got the kids I noticed what looked like a scab forming on Jerry’s neck. After a few days it seemed to be getting bigger. I pointed it out to foster mom….it was milk from his bottle that ran down his face and dried there on his neck. She cleaned him that night, and the next day, when she brought him, the “scab” was gone, but the skin where the scab had been was an unhealthy white. I don’t know how long that had sat there.

Man she pissed me off.

Jerry was the sweetest little guy! You just look at him and he’d break into a big, big grin! He laughed a LOT! I spent a lot of time just looking at him unexpectedly, just to get that grin! It broke my heart, though. They kept putting him back with his bio mom, and I wouldn’t see him for a while, then she’d tank, and they’d put him back in stupid foster care lady’s home. He was a crack baby. My daughter loved to hold the babies, but she had a preference for holding Sherry because Jerry was so “steeeiff!” (stiff.) He was too! Like an unbendable doll! I spent a LOT of time crying and praying over that poor little guy. I seriously would have considered trying to adopt if it had been possible.

Anyway, a story from the other side.