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prolificus's avatar

If you've ever been in a non-reciprocal relationship, how have you managed to thrive and not shut down inside?

Asked by prolificus (6583points) May 2nd, 2010

Non-reciprocal relationships come in many forms: parent-child, siblings, friendships, care-giving relationships, teacher-student, and, unfortunately, even within some marital relationships.

If you’ve recovered from shutting down and/or prevent yourself from shutting down, how do you thrive and maintain a non-reciprocal relationship?

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16 Answers

xxii's avatar

Survive through grace. Thriving may be a bit of a stretch.

Trillian's avatar

You cannot do both. And since you are doing all the work at maintaining, you can consider yourself to be in a conflict and accommodating. The problem with accommodation is that the other person is unaware of the compromises and sacrifices you are making and takes them for granted. In the end you’ll be left with nothing but resentment towards the other person without ever having received any conciliation from her.
You cannot “maintain” a relationship by yourself. It is a two person job.

Seaofclouds's avatar

It took a lot of forgiveness on my part to accept the non-reciprocal relationship I have. It is with a blood relative, so it’s not something I could just throw away. Family has always been important to me. This relative has nothing to do with me at all, but I still send cards for his birthday and other holidays. It’s really not a relationship beyond the blood one that makes us family. If he were not a blood relative, I would not bother at all because it wouldn’t be worth my time.

janbb's avatar

As I said on the other thread, I think it is a matter of recognizing your own limits and boundaries and not giving more than you are able to give.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t have those kinds of relationships and if I must, I spend as little time as possible with that person and they certainly don’t get to know me or my family.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I don’t stick around.

shelly45's avatar

I am the last person to ask for advise on this. I shut down

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I left home as soon as I was able to and be sure I wouldn’t have to go back. As far as romantic relationships then no, I won’t bother with someone who won’t give me what I want.

tinyfaery's avatar

Impossible. You will be sucked dry.

susanc's avatar

This is a good question, and I find it significant that the next question in today’s queue is about caring for hairless rats.

Silhouette's avatar

I give because I want to give if they try to take more than I am willing to give them I end the relationship, if that dynamic can be called a relationship.

MrsDufresne's avatar

By learning the emotional and psychological reasons behind their lack of reciprocity.

stardust's avatar

I’m learning how to untangle myself from these relationships – I’ve yet to find an answer. I think if you can forgive and accept, it becomes less painful over time. I think it’d be impossible to “thrive” in such a situation – survive, yes. Overall, I think I’d prefer to cut ties with the person – not out of ill-feeling, but respect for myself

Sophief's avatar

Good question. Yes I have been in a relationship like that, and it really really hurts. People stick around in those relationships, for love I guess and the hope that one day they may feel the same.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

You can stick around for the “love” but there are so many details that go along with “love” and life is worth living better. Go get you some, it’s so much better than waiting around, trust me- been there and 7yrs passed before I stopped being stubborn and accepted my love wasn’t enough for two.

Sophief's avatar

@Neizvestnaya I did, I said I WAS in a relationship like that.

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