Social Question

jeneatha's avatar

Should my friend stop talking to this guy?

Asked by jeneatha (108points) May 15th, 2010

well here is the story. i have a friend named rachel and she has been dating this guy derek for about three years. they had some trouble but, they seem great together now. well a couple of weeks ago rachel started texting this guy jake. they have been texting, calling and sending pics of each other. rachel asked jake to go to homecoming with her since derek can’t. derek is okay with it but, he has no clue that they have so much contact with each other. should i tell her boyfriend whats going on? or should i tell her that she is doing something wrong?

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13 Answers

filmfann's avatar

You should mind your own business.
Would it be okay if she didn’t know someone, and asked them to the prom? I am glad she is going with someone she likes.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

I don’t suggest going to her boyfriend directly, as you would basically be meddling in their relationship and you’d be likely to get a lot of anger from both her and him. Especially do not go behind her back and tell him – Rachel is your friend, not Derek.

If you feel your friend is getting herself into trouble, talk to her about it. But ultimately this is her decision. Most likely she’s not putting herself in any danger by asking someone else to homecoming – the worst that could happen is that she and Derek break up, and hey, that’s how things go.

As a general rule, unless your friend is in a situation where you’re concerned about her safety and health (if she was in an abusive relationship, for instance), it’s best to mind your own business.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I agree with the others. If you are really concerned about it, talk to her about it. Tell her that you are concerned about what’s going on and explain how it looks to you. Are you concerned she is going to cheat on Derek? Do you think it’s wrong for her to have a close friend that is a guy? If so, why? What’s wrong with a female having male friends?

jeneatha's avatar

i think you are correct all of you. and yes she has cheated on him before and i dont want to see her upset like she was. but she is almost obsessed with this guy. and the thing is she only hung out with this once in her life. this is why i am concerned.

Primobabe's avatar

Please stay out of it. This situation is between Rachel and Derek, and nobody’s asking for your advice. If you speak with Derek, you won’t achieve anything except bad feelings all around, and you’ll lose Rachel as a friend.

By the way, I hope that you’ve used fake names. This is the internet, after all.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

@jeneatha If she’s cheated before and seems really interested in this new guy, it may just be that Rachel’s relationship with Derek is coming to an end. Just because they dated for 3 years doesn’t mean it has to continue, you know? They’re both still in high school and are changing a lot – you can’t expect a relationship that began when someone was 13 or 14 to last forever. The vast majority of them do not.

Talk to your friend about your concerns. If you’re worried that this guy may be bad news for her, that’s something she should know about and it should remain between you two. No need to get Derek involved as it will probably just cause unnecessary conflict and could easily cost you a friend.

perspicacious's avatar

You shouldn’t say anything unless your friend asks for an opinion. As far as telling her boyfriend, he’ll probably figure it out on his own. Would you be telling him because you care about him or to punish your friend for behaving badly?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Should she? Maybe. Should you do anything about it? No!

marinelife's avatar

Do not tell her boyfriend. You can tell Rachel your opinion that what she is doing is wrong and is cheating on Derek.

chyna's avatar

Just stay out of it and make this your life long habit. You will be happier staying out of people’s lives when things are none of your business.

Silhouette's avatar

I don’t understand why so many people think someone else’s relationship is their responsibility or their business. Keep your mouth buttoned and your nose a little closer to home.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

There is a saying, “they always shoot the messenger.” If you want neither your friend or her boyfriend to ever speak to you again, go ahead and tell him. If she’s going to cheat on him, he will find out on his own. Otherwise, stay out of it. Don’t go looking for trouble or creating drama.

vampmoore's avatar

anybody who has ever had a friend knows that “staying out of” it is easier said than done. if this girl is really your friend of course you are going to be concerned about her life, especially if you think she is doing something that will make her unhappy in the long run. however, i dont think you should tell the boyfriend, that would be going about it the wrong way. bring your concerns to her. you’re her friend so remember to be open-minded and listen. try to see it from her point of view. in the end all you can do is support what ever decision she makes and let her make her own mistakes.

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