Social Question

Mama_Cakes's avatar

Has this happened to you: your partner changed somehow, physically (say, gained a bunch of weight), and you lost the desire to be with them sexually?

Asked by Mama_Cakes (9824points) November 6th, 2011

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

32 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

As far as physical changes that have made me lose desire, it has never happened to me. Changes in personality or behavior have had that effect, though.

tranquilsea's avatar

Nope. I find him sexually appealing not his body.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes and no. My fiancee was close to 300lbs when we met and I still fell in love whereas I was under 100lbs for the first two years we were together. This year I put on what for me is a lot of weight and we are still frisky and adoring, at least enough to still be getting married. He’s 100lbs less and I’m about 20lbs more.

I seriously used to think I wouldn’t be able to be attracted to anyone who wasn’t fit. I’ve surprised myself and happily so to feel I’ve matured enough after so many years to not fear that ever being an issue we’ll have to be hobbled by.

thesparrow's avatar

I think it’s happening now with weight, actually. I just get periods where his weight doesn’t bother me AT ALL and periods where it bothers me extremely. Also, his fashion sense has deteriorated. I find it a little hard to be sexually attracted to him.. not ALL the time. There are just moments where I find it hard and it bothers me more than usual

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Yes Iv’e lost interest in many partners for numerous reasons. But usually it’s because I got to know them beyond the butterfly feelings.

thesparrow's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Good for you. I, too, am a lot smaller than my BF. He’s under 300 lbs but he’s still a big guy if you know what I mean and I know he’s got to be overweight.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies That’s good, actually .Lol. That you lost interest in them because of something significant, like their personality, and not their weight.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

As long as they don’t let themselves go and maintain an interest in sex I’m a horndog.

thesparrow's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I wouldn’t say he let himself go. He’s physically fit. And obviously maintains an interest in sex. Though my interest sometimes fluctuates.

Hibernate's avatar

NO and I hope I will never get here.

JLeslie's avatar

Never happened to me. It would have to be a lot of weight for me to lose interest. Not sure how much, but a lot. Over 50 pounds for sure.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@thesparrow: Weight, hygiene and grooming are kind of separate things going on. I’m the sort of partner who expects my SO to maintain themselves, I’ll even help because for me, lax hygiene and sloppy grooming are definite turn offs. Thing is, most couples know these things about each far in advance of making serious commitments so there shouldn’t be any arguments later.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Nope. When I was pregnant with our first daughter, I gained 30 pounds and so did my husband, lol. We’re both still holding on to that extra 30 pounds, but he’s still incredibly sexy to me. Actually, I like him both ways. Pre-baby, he was 100% ripped muscle and had a better body than Adonis. Post-baby he’s still got ripped arms and pecs… he’s just got a “happy daddy belly”, and it’s like snuggling with my very own teddy-bear, lol. Meh, 30 pounds or not, he’s still my sexy man.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@thesparrow Relationships take work. I use the comments on here to remind me to make the extra effort to take care of her. If I keep working she’s much happier..

thesparrow's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate I don’t have a baby and mine has happy daddy belly.


thesparrow's avatar

Most of the time though I will still have sex with him just because I enjoy sex, even with a slightly weighty person. It’s still sex, either way. I still have all of the same responses I would if he was thinner, to be frank. And those responses are good.

XD's avatar

My gf got fake boobs, because she was unhappy with time’s treatment of them. (She would have gotten a lift only if it would have been worth anything.) She’s happy, and I’m glad she’s happy, but it’s hard for me to get excited about fake boobs.

tedibear's avatar

It hasn’t happened to me. My husband has put on a little weight in 12 years, but I think he looks better because he was a little on the thin side.

My ex once said to me that he didn’t have to fantasize about other women when he was with me until I put on weight.

FutureMemory's avatar

I was so in-love with a girl that when she put on 30 lbs over the course of 6 months I honestly didn’t even notice. :)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m going to say, I know the power of love to overlook a little bit of weight but… I also never forget how critical people are, me included. I’ve been with my fiancee when he used to snark about women’s weight and looks. I don’t fool myself that he likes my looks right now as much as he did 20lbs ago.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Neizvestnaya I know what you mean. My husband tells me he likes how I look because “it’s how I’m supposed to look after giving him two beautiful babies”, but I’m sure he’d think I was prettier if I got back down to my pre-baby weight.

Blondesjon's avatar

Oh fuck no.

I may be many, many things, but I am not so unaware of my own shortcomings that I would begrudge the shortcomings of another.

cockswain's avatar

If my wife put on a lot of weight by being lazy and eating terribly, I would see that as not caring about herself or if I’m attracted to her or not. So I would see that as a pretty big turnoff, yes.

If she gained weight for circumstances outside of her reasonable control, I would not look down on her at all.

kaomungai's avatar


though, i will say men who try to take care of themselves by eating right,exercising, or other little things like that DO get my attention.

fizzbanger's avatar

My husband and I will love each other always, despite the future prospect of moobs and FUPAs.

wundayatta's avatar

It’s never happened to me that a partner put on a noticeable amount of weight. But I’ve grown by some fifty pounds over the last twenty years. A couple of pounds a year really creeps up on you. Fortunately, I’ve been reassured that it doesn’t change my wife’s affection for me.

zensky's avatar

Nope, no.

thesparrow's avatar

@XD Awww, that’s sweet. I don’t think I’d be too happy if my man got a fake penis extension (assuming, theoretically, there is such a thing). So I get the fake boobs thing.

thesparrow's avatar

@fizzbanger LMAO I just looked up FUPA.

FutureMemory's avatar

@thesparrow Care to share with the rest of us?

psyonicpanda's avatar

yes, one of my exe gained a bunch of weight she was 120 and over 1 year she gained 30lbs and unfortunately I found her sexualy unattractive.

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