Social Question

janbb's avatar

What draws you to a person as a friend?

Asked by janbb (57701points) May 24th, 2010

I was thinking of some friends of mine and how much I admire what they know and the way their minds work. It made me think about friendship and what attracts you to someone initially as a friend. Is it the ways they are like you? What you can learn from them? A shared sense of humor perhaps? Or personal qualities llike loyalty, introspection or compassion? Does what drew you to the person initially sustain the friendship or do other factors change it as it developes?

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29 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Good conversation

YARNLADY's avatar

When we have a lot in common and can talk about just about any subject.

Edit: He/she has to understand that I interrupt and talk over, but they know enough to just ignore that part, and talk over my interruption – I am OCD that way.

xRIPxTHEREVx's avatar

Personality is everything. If they’re a kill joy, then it just won’t work out.

janbb's avatar

@YARNLADY Maybe you’re just Jewish; we talk over each other all the time. My husband can’t stand it.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

They must have a sense of humor…or else! ;)

aprilsimnel's avatar

Common interests to start, as well as a compatible sense of humour, and then whether or not they have values I admire, like empathy and respect for others. I have many more acquaintances who I’ll see at the pub a couple of times a month, but only a few real friends.

Cruiser's avatar

I agree with @lucillelucillelucille here…got to have laughs together other wise why hang out?

marinelife's avatar

I am usually drawn to someone’s brains, wit and sense of humor initially. What turns it into a friendship is their warmth and compassion.

The_Idler's avatar

Wit and honesty.

Bullshitters can fuck right off.

BoBo1946's avatar

Draw toward people that are friendly toward all people! Then, if we have things in common, usually a good friendship follows.

Silhouette's avatar

I’m drawn to people with open minds, open hearts and a risque sense of humor. Must love dogs. Something very wrong with someone who doesn’t love a puppy.

Draconess25's avatar

We’re all artistic, even though we never really talk about art. But it mostly depends on the vibes I get. And if I have to tailor them to suit me, it probably won’t work.

Even though I don’t mind religious people, they better not shove it down my throat. And I can’t stand homophobes.

rawrgrr's avatar

I agree with good conversation. For me, I need to be able to have a good conversation with a friend. Usually when we have nothing in common and have nothing to talk about it’s just awkward most of the time.

meagan's avatar

Honesty. I can’t stand “peppy” people, either. Calm, relaxing people that are down to earth. That sounds like a perfect combination.

GrumpyGram's avatar

People with an unusual sense of humor who make intriguing remarks and make me laugh.

Melonking's avatar

People who don’t look blankly at me when I say somthing.

Nimis's avatar

[Looks blankly at Melonking.]

Clickage. There are a lot of people that I like and there are a lot of people that I admire that I’m not exactly friends with. It comes down to a certain level of ease in each other’s company.

PacificToast's avatar

If they’re unlike some one I’ve met before and aren’t annoying, I’ll try to initiate friendship.

jazmina88's avatar


janbb's avatar

@jazmina88 Interesting point – I was wondering if there’s some kind of chemistry involved in friendship just as there is in romantic relationships?

Chongalicious's avatar

Laughter, honesty, loyalty. Other than that, I hang with a very diverse crowd :)

le_inferno's avatar

Someone who is friendly, but not smothering, funny, but doesn’t try too hard, kind, but not fake. S/he can have a good conversation, is willing to listen to me bitch, is up for a good time, laughs at my jokes, gives thoughtful advice when needed. Someone who has character and substance and intellect.

Kismet's avatar

There are a lot of things that attract me to people:
If we have similar interests, good sense of humor, open and open minded, and if they know how to enjoy themselves and have a good time.
I like a lot of people though, so it isn’t hard for me to want to become someone’s friend. There are just some friends I click with better than others because of the above qualities.

tranquilsea's avatar

When I find someone who thinks deeply, questions deeply, is kind, witty, a tad sarcastic and can carry on a 10 hour conversation about 30 different topics and not fatigue I’ll move heaven and earth to keep that person as a friend. I’ve only found a couple of people in my 37 years who are like that and they’ll be my friends until I die.

tranquilsea's avatar

@janbb Thanks.

As I don’t find people I would call friends easily (although have many people I am friendly with) I have grown to really appreciate the people in my life who are my friends.

The most recent one friend has been my friend for 3½ years. I had been in no mans land for years when I met her. We got together for a play date for the kids and I ended up staying at her house for eight or nine hours. What a wonderful time we had discovering just how much we had in common in the areas we had intense interests! She has told me many times that she had given up on ever finding someone she would want to be friends with.

A true friend is a great gift.

evandad's avatar


jeanmay's avatar

I can’t really describe what draws me to a person initially. Before I really know a person there is some kind of instinct at play. I have a friend from High School and I remember us looking at each other on our first day in class from across the room. We talked about that moment after we had become friends, and she described how she really wanted to be my friend after we had exchanged that glance. It was just something that passed between us, before we had even spoken. Corny but true.

As for sustaining a relationship, a person needs a lot of spirit. There are superficial qualities I can relate to; like a love of food or books. But mostly it’s about a certain open and loving attitude to life.

BoBo1946's avatar

@Silhouette dittio…never understood why people don’t love animals!must be genetic defect! loll

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