Do you get disappointed often by your friends, and is this a reflection on you, or on them?

Yes, I am very frequently disappointed by my friends, and it is definitely a reflection on myself. It is majorly because I have very high standards for myself and other people. It is difficult for me to trust, so when when a friend hurts me, it’s double the pain.

I accept everything wrong about my friends, and I still like them. I’m just always internally stewing with pain. However, this has nothing to do with my loved ones and everything to do with my emotional issues.

I don’t get disappointed by my friends very often. I know what to expect from them due to past experiences. I think our reactions to anything are a reflection of ourselves, whether it’s good or bad.

I am rarely disappointed in my close friends, because I’m an open book to them, and as you mentioned, they still like me. The only one who’s ever disappointed me was one who bought a pizza parlor and got very busy with work. He got too busy to spend time with his old friends, and it hurt. It’s not his fault, I realize. He had to make his new business work, and that required a lot of time and effort.

Not-so-close friends and acquaintances disappoint me often. I once had a 2-year affair with a man who left me when I finally told him that I had a mental illness. In the 2 years we knew each other, I’d been completely stable, and I remained stable even after he broke up with me. I’ve had that experience too many times to count.

@hawaii_jake If you overlook my foibles, I’ll do the same. If you forgive me my quirks, I’ll reciprocate. If you don’t take me too seriously, what a great friendship this could make.

Hey, that rhymed. Just made it up.

@zenele : I don’t really have to overlook a great deal in close friends, because I let them be who they are. I don’t fight it. I guess you’re right. I do overlook foibles and quirks, and I talk seriously to them about things that are going on in my life, and they reciprocate.

I do take my close friends seriously and work at being a friend.

By the way, if you’re thinking of becoming a poet, I wouldn’t quit my day job, if I were you. Just sayin’.

I’m not sure I’ve done a very good job of answering the second half of your question about who it reflects. It really depends on the situation. I’d say the man who broke up with me after I revealed my diagnosis was a jerk, and that reflected badly on him. I can in my past remember situations where I’ve let people down, and I know that reflects badly on me.

Having said that, I do believe that if I am constantly disappointed by others, it reflects on me. Take a person who repeatedly marries and divorces for example. This person would make the argument that he/she kept choosing rotten apples. Well, who’s the one doing the choosing? What’s the common denominator in all the relationships? It’s the first person, not those chosen.

Damn. I am a poet by day and a gigolo by night. The day job was my main source of income.

No, I’m rarely disappointed by my friends. Of course, I’m fortunate to have such great friends. I know that.

When I was depressed, my friends disappeared. When I got better, they reappeared. They told me they thought I was laying low and that I didn’t want to be contacted and that I would get back in touch with them when I was ready to.

I desperately wanted to hear from them while I was sick, but I thought they hated me, so I didn’t want to bother them. I couldn’t reach out. I thought that the fact that they never called me while I was sick meant that they really didn’t care.

In theory, I could have reached out to them, but in fact, I didn’t feel I could, or should. I thought that any real friend would not let two years go by before contacting me. So it was me who withdrew. I suppose it is my fault the friendships kind of died. Although I don’t see why the burden should have been entirely mine, especially when I was not capable of carrying it.

We’re back in touch now. Some of them know what happened and others don’t. None have been actively in touch. I don’t think they understand bipolar disorder and maybe that makes them uneasy about talking to me. From a distance, without knowing much, I guess their image of me is that I’m mentally unstable, and dangerous. I don’t know.

I feel like if that is what is going on, I don’t want to push myself on them. I have new friends who understand. It’s easier to be with nuts like me than with people who don’t have a clue. My old friends just don’t seem to know what to do. I’m told this is typical.

I tried to talk to my best friend, and tell him the truth about what was happening. He didn’t want to hear it because he didn’t want to have to keep secrets from my wife. If he can’t hear it, then which of my old friend can? It’s no big deal to my new friends. They understand mostly because they’ve been there, too. They know I’m working hard, and they know that nothing good would come of betraying me. I am not trying to hurt my wife. In fact, I am trying very diligently to rebuild our relationship. The past is the past. It will not be back.

I know I cut myself off from my old friends. I think there was a good reason for that. I’ve tried to reconnect, but I am not happy with the results. Now it’s different—more acquaintancy and less intimate.

I think I expect a lot from people. My old friends are admirable people. Maybe too admirable. My new friends are full of flaws. The new ones don’t judge me for my failures. The old ones? I don’t know what they think. I’m not sure I want to know.

We have a lot in common, daloon, but alas – you write so openly, and well. It’s a wonderful way to self-medicate, a kind of therapy through writing in fluther. There, we are different. One must read between the lines of my various questions, and identities. But I so know what you mean about friends.

@zenele I have noticed your reluctance to share much of your personal life. For me, that’s what a place like fluther is about. I can talk about the issues that are foremost in my mind and I can divulge the things I know most people disapprove of and get some sympathy and help. As long as I remain anonymous, I’m cool.

I can no longer talk about everything, now, because there are people on fluther I need to protect. This is both fortunate (it means I have friends) and unfortunate (it means I can’t talk about everything I’d like to talk about). Still, it’s better than not being able to talk at all.

I lost you there. I can’t think of anything I could divulge that would have any bearing on anyone else. I am trying to wrap my brain around I can no longer talk about everything, now, because there are people on fluther I need to protect. I am simply a private person by design, and a private person because of circumstance and geography.

@zenele I’m sorry. I am holding a confidence or confidences for a person or persons here. That means there are certain stories I will not tell in order to protect them and/or myself. It’s different from when I was completely anonymous and had no relationships with anyone.