Social Question

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Why do people hold grudges against others?

Asked by Vincent_Lloyd (3007points) August 21st, 2010

Why is it that some people hold grudges? But I want to ask fluther, why do you think some people hold them? It seems unnecessary to me…

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

MacBean's avatar

It’s rare for me to hold a grudge but when I do it’s because the person continues to behave (toward me or toward others) in the same manner that caused them to bother me in the first place…

ducky_dnl's avatar

Because it’s easier to hold a grudge, than to forgive. I personally try not to hold grudges, but I am guilty of doing it. I think when a person hurts you, a grudge is sort of a defense mechanism. If you hold a grudge for the person, you won’t trust them. And when you don’t trust someone, you can’t get hurt..or you can’t get hurt as bad?

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

It’s pride, most of the time. It’s hard to take the high road becuase it feels like defeat, in a way. I usually don’t hold grudges, but one time it just had to happen.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

Sometimes I can hold a grudge against someone, but only cause they’ve done me wrong in some extreme way and I don’t want nothing to do with that person.

zophu's avatar

Sometimes, for a person to feel secure, they have to feel righteous. Grudges are a side-effect of long-held righteousness.

second_guessing's avatar

It takes too much energy and time holding grudges against others. I never do this, i accept things at the time, draw a line under it and move on…life is too short!

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I don’t hold grudges that much, instead I just ignore those people! and Live on my Life!

BoBo1946's avatar

Grugdes only hurt the “grugdor”...not the “grudgee!” Life is too short to carry that kind of baggage.

perspicacious's avatar

I just say what I want to say and I’m finished with it—whatever it may be.

BoBo1946's avatar

loll excuse my morning fog….“grudgor!” it’s a little early and my coffee has not reached the right spot…!

daytonamisticrip's avatar

To teach them that what they did was bad.

partyparty's avatar

I never hold grudges. Just sort things out and get on with life :-)

daytonamisticrip's avatar

My motto: Forgive but never Forget.

stardust's avatar

It’s a defense mechanism. When a person is hurt by another’s beahviour, sometimes the walls go up. Sadly, the grudge-holder is hurting him/herself all over again. Defeats the purpose, don’t you think?

Austinlad's avatar

Speaking for myself because I can’t speak for anyone else, I sometimes hold a grudges because I want the other person to “give,” just like when I was a child. Call it pride or whatever, it’s petty and mean… even dangerous. I once had a falling out with a co-worker years ago over some silly issue. Not only did we work together, we were friends, and he lived in the same condo. We didn’t speak for days, neither of us could bring ourself to apologize, and then one afternoon I came home to learn from the police that he had died diving into the swimming pool… from an aneurysm. I think about that every time I get pissed at somebody.

Odysseus's avatar

Insecurity & Defensive aggression.
Weak people can be desperate to prove that they are not so. They often harbour grudges and then attempt vengeance in an attempt show that they are stronger.
I personally view people who readily hold grudges to be insecure and of a low IQ.

partyparty's avatar

@Austinlad That is such a sad story, but do you still hold grudges?

Frenchfry's avatar

I am a bit stubborn. I can hold a grudge. It takes awhile for me to forgive when I am hurt or angry. @Odysseus I don’t think it’s because I have a low IQ. I might be a tad bit insecure but not dumb.

aprilsimnel's avatar

No one wants to be so vulnerable that they’re taken advantage of and used.

I think people mix up “not holding grudges” with some sort of obligation to have the person who hurt them back in their lives as though nothing’s happened, which would make one open to more hurt. But that’s not the case. If you tell the person who broke your trust that you’re on to them and that’s not going to happen again, what more do you have to do? No one’s saying to not protect yourself, but holding a grudge doesn’t protect you, it just keeps you angry.

I’m totally guilty of holding grudges against those people who hurt me, and when confronted, not only didn’t show remorse or apologize, but either denied that it happened or that I deserved what happened to me. It took a long time to get over the hurt of those things, but I did when I slowly realized that continuing to feel hurt allowed these people to have power over me. I still have moments when the hurt comes up, but now I remember this and it’s easier to let the feeling pass.

And while I don’t hold a grudge, no, those particular people are no longer in my life. They have proven that their ways of treating people haven’t changed. I’m learning to forgive. Not to be stupid.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You do it automatically sometimes so that you don’t trust ‘em again…I hold grudges but not for long and certainly not if the person is trying to make amends.

Seaofclouds's avatar

I use to hold grudges. I realized that it only made me feel worse and I decided I wasn’t going to do it anymore. It took some time to get out of the habit, but I no longer hold grudges on people. I’ve learned that you can be cautious of someone without holding a grudge.

Dewey420's avatar

Because sometimes it’s just easier to have an “reason” to not talk to someone than put up with their BS.

Robot's avatar

power trips for the petty.

if its justified thats another reason altho from my experience most “grudges” are ridiculous

get over it and move on if you still want the person in your life or again get over it and move on without them but DON’T go back and forth on your decision once it is made only for your own selfish reasons. Don’t make someone bow to you and even more Do NOT bow to another unless you completely fucked up and it is absolutely worth it. I hate when you never hear the end of things and some people claim they want to move on with you to some extent but they constantly bring up something youve done wrong in the past repeatedly so it makes it almost impossible to even try and forget or redeem yourself.

Jabe73's avatar

Ego and pride.

Aster's avatar

But what is the difference between “holding a grudge” and being mad at someone for a length of time? If we don’t hold a grudge that means we are through being angry and that takes time!

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther