How Do You Bring Up Something like Adderall with Strict Parents?

I’m not lecturing, I’m telling you from too much experience. Adderall is the worst drug on the market and I HIGHLY advise seeking an alternative before taking legal cocaine. I’d take back all those good grades and weight I lost to have never taken that drug. Please listen to me… PM me if you want to talk about it.

And welcome to Fluther

Tell your parents that you need to see a doctor. Then talk to your doctor about your concerns and go from there. If your doctor believes you need medication, then he/she can talk to your parents about it.

If your school is anywhere near competent and on the ball, then it is entirely possible that having a talk with your guidance counselor will prompt someone to have a talk with your parents on your behalf.

As for meds though, I have to agree with @Samantha_Rae here. I have my own issues (Aspergers, actually; a form of Autism that often often accompanies ADD/ADHD, or at least some of it’s symptoms), and often those drugs cause more problems than they solve. I’ve done quite a bit to avoid meds after a few bad experiences.

Being old fashion and not believing medical conditions that have been proven to exist is not the same thing. If they refuse your doctors recommendation for treatment of any condition he believes is necessary, you can call child protective services, or wait until you are 18 and can apply for Medicare for your medical needs.

You don’t need to convince your parents of anything other than you need to talk to your doctor. You have listed mental disorders and called them persuasions as if they were fads. That’s what kids think. Your parents are right that many times people will use anything to try to get unnecessary prescription meds. Don’t fight your way into that club. I’m not a doctor but I am very well read and educated on mental disorders, symptoms, and treatments. I would be shocked if you had any diagnosable mental disorder. And, shame on you for dying your hair without permission.

Don’t talk to your friends or online strangers. Go and talk to your medical doctor. If she thinks any action whatsoever should be taken she will. But just know, people who think they have the “in style” disorders generally do not. If you want to do better in school, try harder. Meds are probably not the answer. But, see your doctor.

A lot of the times schools will test you for ADD/ADHD if they think you might have it. They will send a notice home for the parents to sign and release rights to have you tested. If you’re parents don’t sign the notice, which according to what you’ve said they are like, then they won’t sign it to which you can push the matter with the school and have them investigated. If your school has not brought up this matter to your parents, then they don’t see a reason to test you for either disorder—because most likely you don’t have it.

My nephew shows signs of ADHD and the best thing my sister does with him is wear him out, she’ll go for a jog and take her son with him. Perhaps you should look into doing some type of exercise at home, PE classes help too.

I understand where you’re coming from, I grew up in a VERY strict home environment. Most of it was due to the fact that my parents are not US born citizens so the language barrier and customs is something that they’ve yet to get used to… they never will. The thing is, they are only strict because they are looking out for your well being; they don’t know any other way to do this or show this besides the way they go about things now. On the upside, you’ll be 18 soon and you can move out on your own.

@Samantha_Rae Those are strong statements you’ve made. Care to explain what the exact problems were you had with it? Other than apparently losing weight and improved grades. Was it addicting?

I highly suggest another alternative instead of adderall. I know they have some holistic options. Adderall is HIGHLY addictive, it’s a cocaine derivative.

@FutureMemory You’ve obviously never been on strong stimulants before, have you? Addiction really is among the least of your worries. And we won’t even get into the fact that all of your friends will be offering to buy your pills… or maybe mugging you if you don’t hand them over.

@jerv You’re assuming a lot about me because I asked her for more details? How about you let the person I was actually directing the question at answer it?

@puzas,

Ok, class, todays lecture is about you being a totally fine, “normal” human being.

While if you have an actual mental or psychological ailment, you should look into receiving treatment and stand up to your parents if necessary; ADD/ADHD is bullshit. If you are bipolar, get help.

Listen I don’t know what symptoms you have or think you have, if you are a somewhat functional human being, adderall is not your solution. You’re probably ok, don’t look for excuses in the medical world. Even if the drugs help, they hurt too, don’t play with your brain chemicals yet- wait till your in your 20’s.

Listen school sucks, generally speaking. Sometimes it’s the teachers fault, or you haven’t found what interests you. Grades aren’t the end all, be all. If you’re bored in class, you bored in class, doodle. It’s ok. You’re young you probably don’t need drugs in your system.

But on a side note, what I think you might be truly suffering from is Confirmation Bias with your symptoms, don’t worry it’s curable.

I’m going to prescribe you 20mins of Sir Ken Robinson, one dose should do the trick, repeat if needed.

@JustJessica It is NOT a cocaine derivative. You really shouldn’t speak about things you don’t know about. It’s an amphetamine salt mix.

@everephebe ADD/ADHD is not bullshit, but it is over-diagnosed, and often self-diagnosed as well, especially by young people looking for an excuse.

@FutureMemory If you are going to throw something like that out in public then you may wind up with other voices of experience. If you want a private conversation then Fluther has a way to make that happen without risk of others chiming in.
You are correct that Adderall is not a cocaine derivative, but it is in the same league as cocaine when it comes to it’s addictive qualities, and also similar in that it is a very strong stimulant.

I’m 17 too, almost 18, and if this age is anything for you like it is for me… I know that I have hardly any idea who I am, and I’m trying really, really hard to grasp at anything. Especially if it’s counter to what my parents believe—they’re not strict in the same sense, but are strict in beliefs and values: their’s are the right ones, and that’s final. Which makes it more confusing because then I don’t even know if the differences are who I am, either, or simply me trying to not be them.

I do know, though, that ADD and ADHD have a tendency to be overdiagnosed, so I’d be really careful with trying to get that label put on you. Because it’s easier than a lot to get. Not easy, but easier.

If this were me, I’d really want to have it. Because then I could tell my parents that hah! they’re wrong! see how much better I’m doing now that I’m diagnosed?
You’re probably more mature than me. I may very well be way off. That’s just how I would feel.

I’ve gone online and tried to self-diagnose. Not with ADD, but with other things. Something that would explain why there was such a dissonance in me.
It’s only now that I know all the above stuff I’m even aware that I’m doing it. Which in some ways is more complicated, now that I know there’s no simple answer, not for me.

Anyway, I’m assuming you’re similar to me, somehow, because of our similarity in ages. We may not be, this may feel totally off to you.

I still haven’t figured things out. I went to therapy for a bit. It helped with some things, made others worse.
For me it was more emotions than brain chemicals. Still is. What I’m trying to say is that if you are anything like me, it may be that way for you, too.

If you really feel you know that you’ve correctly diagnosed yourself—you do know yourself better than I know you—I’d suggest seeing a doctor, too. Getting a doctor’s diagnosis is more likely to convince your parents. People can’t really argue with doctors.

@jerv I simply don’t appreciate you making assumptions about what my experiences may be because I’m asking others for more details. I have taken Aderall for three years, and I am not addicted. I wanted to know what the circumstances were in Samantha’s case that caused her to have such strong negative feelings toward the drug as a rule. In short – get out of my face.

@FutureMemory: I started to take Adderall when I was 16 or 17 (11th grade) because I wanted to do well on my SATs and just in school in general. I also soon discovered that it made me not hungry. I continued to take it because I had convinced myself that I NEEDED it to study. This went on for nearly 6 years.

I was never a very good student, always pretty average… I played sports and was pretty involved in clubs in HS. I realized that those two things alone weren’t going to get me into college and the adderall not only helped my grades, but it made me enjoy doing my work. I became reclusive, dependent, and would eat only a chewy bar all day before practice.

As I mentioned, this went on until I graduated college. It got so bad at one point, that I was only eating late at night and would drink soda all day for the caffeine… I was taking such a large dosage of Adderall (anywhere from 80–120 mgs a day, when I was prescribed 20/day) that I was throwing up bile on a regular basis… numerous times a day. I would study my ass off and do really well but NONE of that was worth the feelings I had when I was coming down. I started to resort to taking other pills (any Benzo that would calm me down) and LOTS of them. I also started to drink a bottle of wine a night (in addition to the pills) and smoke a lot. That’s another side affect, I smoked over a pack a day when I would take Adderall.

After awhile, it got the point where I couldn’t get out of bed if I didn’t have the drug. I couldn’t clean, shop, do work, be creative… do ANYTHING, not even the things I loved. I had already started to take the drug to do everything… and when I realized that I had no passions because that drug was my only passion, I realized I needed to get off it. The side affects of throwing up and not being able to sleep were killing me. I would stay up during finals for 4 or 5 days at a time… I once had a professor tell me, and I quote, “you look like hell” before one of my finals.

It took me a very long time to get over this addiction… and it wasn’t easy. There were times that were really rough during these years (family issues and relationships) and I had become completely dependent on this substance to keep me going. I can’t even imagine what I did to my liver. I do know that I have gained SO much weight since having stopped taking it – it’s something I have to deal with day after day… my metabolism is a disaster and it’s entirely my fault.

Aside from the physical damage, it has had a substantial impact on my emotions. For starters, I never really learned anything that I was studying. It was obsessive… I didn’t retain anything. Yeah, I made dean’s list…. but I have nothing to show for it, other than that piece of paper. It hurt my self esteem, it made me selfish and got me so caught up in my own life, that I stopped caring about others. It took away the essence of who I was.

I’ve taken Adderall maybe 3 times in the past year and I am SO glad I don’t take it anymore. Every time I’ve taken it, I realize why I went through all that trouble to stop. It just wasn’t worth feeling like that. And it’s not worth it to take something to become someone you’re not.

[mod says] Please take the debate over ADD/ADHD drugs to an appropriate thread. This question is about how to approach parents about a disorder/medication they don’t believe in.

As someone (correctly) diagnosed with ADD as a child, I have a little bit of a different perspective than some here—I was on Ritalin for 10 years. I stopped in college because I was tired of the side-effects, but the medication definitely helped me cope with the ADD. I’m not going to say that the side-effects (not eating, heart racing) weren’t an issue, but I don’t think I would have succeeded to the extent that I did without the medication.

That said, you need to be tested by a specialist. And it’s going to be difficult without your parents’ consent since a strong aspect is getting third-party feedback from people in your home life (as well as your school life).

I wish you the best of luck, both with finding a diagnosis and choosing your appropriate treatment.

As a side note, I’m not saying my experience is what is going to happen to everyone. Obviously these drugs were created to help people and not everyone will have the same results. As I first stated, see a doctor and seek alternative measures.

And like @jerv mentioned, maybe your school counselors could help. I’m just trying to show you that it can be very detrimental to your general health and overall well being. I feel obligated to share my story, that’s all.

I think that in order to understand how best to approach someone, you have to try and think like them, so let me follow this backwards from a Devil’s Advocate perspective.

I would think that Adderall is pretty nearly a “nuclear option” sort of last resort as opposed to something you want to jump right into… unless you like things like meth and coke and are looking for a legal way to get it. Even if you had ADD/ADHD, they probably wouldn’t reach for the big guns first, so your desire for Adderall right out of the gate sounds suspicious.

Then there is the matter of self-diagnosis. The general rule of thumb is that if you figure out something that it sounds like you have then you don’t have it. Doctors also follow that rule, so the fact that you already know you have ADD means that you don’t. And if your folks also subscribe to that notion, then even if they conceded the existence of ADD/ADHD, it wouldn’t do you a lick of good since they already “know” that you are faking.

Now to be a little less cynical and more serious for a moment, the the fact that every kid who ever had a tantrum in the ‘90s got put on Ritalin kind of ruined it for those that genuinely need the stuff anyways, so again, even if they conceded the existence of ADD/ADHD, it wouldn’t do you a lick of good.

In short, there is nothing you can say/do to change their minds, at least not directly. You need outside help for that. If nothing else, you are not an adult yet, so they won’t take you seriously anyways. Hell, I’m in my late-30s and my folks treat me like I’m still 6 :P

Now, let us stipulate that you do, in fact, manage to make an end-run around your folks and get a professional diagnosis for ADD. What then? As you can see from the bickering between some of us, some people respond differently to different treatments. How do we know Adderall would work for your particular case? Personally, I’ve been at my best when not medicated at all; it sucks when the “cure” is worse than the original ailment.

@FutureMemory I wish my brother-in-law could be like you. It might’ve saved him a lot of trouble.

@jerv, You’re right I should say over diagnosed. Over diagnosed to the point of bullshit.

@puzas You should be able to sit down with your parents and talk to them. Discuss this and other options with them, with them, in a dialog. Tell them that you know that they don’t think much of ADD/ADHD but that you want to check and make sure with a doctor beacuse you are concerned, tell them that you want to be able to get the most out of your education, and in-list their help to do better. Tell them you want to cross this off the list of possibilities and that you will be relieved to hear that you don’t have ADD. Tell them you don’t want to be on drugs but if it is what you need to do to, for school, that you have to explore this option.

If they don’t think that you are acting maturely then, and hear you out, wait till you’re 18 and visit the doc yourself. Good luck. I know dealing with parents can be rough, show them that you care, and are thinking about things and they should listen to you.

From the way you described your parents, they seem a little like mine used to be. You are probably not going to be able to change their mind on this. My suggestion would be let them both know that you would like to talk to them and pick a time everyone will be in a good mood, like a weekend afternoon.

Tell them how you feel, mentioning things such as how you want to do better in school or that you’re having problems concentrating… whatever the issues may be. Try to avoid using any terms relating to add/adhd or adderall, as they may make your parents less receptive to what you’re trying to say. Be honest with them though, let them know what’s bothering you and see what they have to say.

If this is your first time talking to them about it, it may come as a surprise to them that you feel this way, so go easy. They will be concerned about you if you are honest and genuine. Try not to react negatively no matter what they say, losing your cool will come off wrong and your parents may dismiss what you’ve tried to tell them.

If things don’t work out, try describing your problems to a guidance counselor or another adult you trust.

If all else fails, discuss your problems with your doctor the next time you go.

Again, I would recommend not mentioning that you want adderall or think that you may have add. Since it has become such a popular drug within recent years everyone has become skeptical about giving it out to whomever asks for it.

I hope this helped! Good luck, talking to your parents about something serious can be tough.

In the interim, there is a lot of research done around alternative treatments for ADD/ADHD. Diet can have a marked effect on memory and school performance. You should consider learning as much as you can about the disorder and the various treatment methods. You might find www.additude.com interesting.

My daughter was diagnosed as ADHD in high school and bipolar in college.

Your parents sound similar to mine. Personally, i would approach this situation by speaking to a counselor at your school or a teacher you have a good relationship with and get a second opinion on it before you bring it up with your parents.

Also, by doing this you may not have to tell your parents alone or at all. Your counselor or teacher may realize that maybe a little extra help would really help improve your focus.

However, attention deficit drugs can be highly addictive and i would not recommend suggesting any self diagnosis or that you want to go on drugs. There are alternatives that work and your parents will be more receptive if you don’t throw out the dreaded D-word.

Be warned though, attention deficit drugs on help you focus. You still have to be determined to do what needs to be done. I know so many people that take adderall thinking that it will make them get things done, but they end up staring at the wall for hours instead.

@puzas, if you really think you have some kind of problem, in my opinion, talking to your school counselor of family Dr. is the best place to begin. Sometimes medication is the answer, but not as often as it is prescribed.

@DancingMind said: I don’t even know if the differences are who I am, either, or simply me trying to not be them.
Perhaps one of the most important bits of insight I have read in a long while. Once you have that figured out then you are on your way.

Self-diagnosis of a specific condition is often unwise. Determining what treatment you should take for a condition you have not been diagnosed with is even worse. That said, it is still human nature to try and solve a problem. Looking online for conditions that appear to match your symptoms is not unreasonable, but self-diagnoses can be dangerous.

Seems like you would be better off describing your SYMPTOMS (not your self-diagnosis) to your family physician. He or she will be in a better position to sort out normal adolescence from a medical condition and will be in a MUCH better position to determine the appropriate treatment. This is far more appropriate than wanting to take the drugs your friends are taking.

Then and only then do you have the issue of talking to your parents about your doctor’s diagnosis and course of treatment. You haven’t indicated that their beliefs include aversion to sound medical diagnosis, but if that’s the case your issues are different than what you have described in your question.

You do need to know what is going on for you for sure. You need to see the doctor. Try approaching your parents with just that request. (No mention of ADD.) Just Mom and Dad “I am not feeling well, and I need to go to the doctor.”

Once you are at the doctor, tell them (the doctor) what your concerns are. Do not mention your friend. Mention what is going on in your brain. If the doctor suggests testing, your parents are much more likely to accept it.

Good luck. If worse comes to worse, wait until you are in college next year and go to the campus clinic.

P.S. Obviously, from the posts in this thread, there are some strong feelings about ADD and treatments. You should do some reading on the subject. My husband had a very positive experience with medication. It changed his life. He went from messing up tests and job interviews to being able to hold down jobs. His medication was Welbutrin not Adderall or Ritalin. Work with your doctor on the right treatment if you are diagnosed.

Good luck with your parents.

In general, try to avoid ending up in an opposing view with your parents. After all you have a lot of common grounds, from where a discussion could be started in a more fruitful way.

In essence, from what you wrote, I feel that you and them have a common interest: you, your health and your happiness. Start from there. Don’t start from Adderall. Regardless of whether that would be a solution, it is a means and not a goal in itself. When you start off, talking to your parents on Adderall, you are likely to end up in a pointless discussion that you will never reach a satisfying conclusion on.

Start with the issue at hand: yourself and your feelings. Tell them what worries you and that you would like to discuss with your physician. Your worries shouldn’t be whether or not you are too be rightfully diagnosed as ADD. Youw worries should be that you seem incapabe of functioning in a way that you want to and that situation is worrying you and making you unhappy. No parent will refuse to discuss that.

From there your path starts to look for your solution. You might not have ADD. You might be very normal and in your teens. A difficult and complicated time in your life. The answer me be in access to a counselor / life coach. You may have ADD and you may want to look for optimal treatment. In that case, you may need further consultation from a physician, maybe even a psychiatrist.

Whatever you do, don’t confuse a possible solution, with your goal. Your goal is personal health and happiness and not Adderall and that should not be impossible to discuss with your parents.

“Parents just don’t understand” haha, but really, most 17 year olds have this kind of relationship with their parents regardless of the issue. I most certainly did when I was 17 (and by no means is this a slam to your age). I am now 22, recently moved back home with my parents post college, and my parents and I recently went to therapy together to try to understand each other in a manner that is a bit more mature. Now that I have moved back as an adult, I think they are a bit unsure of how to treat me so as not to make me feel like I am still in high school. (It has helped our relationship tremendously). Bottom line, my therapist said it is much easier to be flexible about opinions and beliefs when you are young, and I believe she is right. Parents are going to act and believe how they will. She explained that the older we get, the more “set in our ways” we become. It is difficult to talk to parents about certain topics, but just know that even if they don’t agree with you (which they won’t most of the time) it is still alright to hold your own opinions and beliefs. You are becoming your own person and you should feel comfortable believing what you want to believe. As far as the ADD situation, I would suggest speaking to a psychiatrist because they not only have the skill set of a therapist but they have the ability to prescribe meds. Don’t see a med doctor about this because personally I would think a psychiatrist could better determine if you need the meds. This person would probably also be more legitimate in the eyes of your parents? All this is just my opinions, but I hope you find your solution!

One thing I forgot to mention is the possibility of other possibilities. I was misdiagnosed with ADD, and that caused a few problems. You really don’t want to get the wrong meds, and again, different people respond differently to some things.

@FutureMemory No need to snap my head off, I made a little mistake. Amphetamine is even worse if you ask me.

I think you provided your own answer when you said you should approach your parents in a respectful way about this. Be honest with them and explain why you think you have ADD and how your friend was helped by drug treatment. I am sceptical I’m afraid and I think you are trying to imitate your friend. You can read up on the symptoms of almost any ailment and begin to imagine it applies to you. You are looking for a magic drug that will give you good grades and I don’t think such a thing exists. If you are still grounded you could use it as an opportunity to study.

An ex of mine was prescribed Adderall for his ADHD and the side effects for him were worse than not taking it at all. What helped him was to create new routines for the results he wanted and then a ton of repetition, fine tuning, a little competition, good incentives and viola! Functioning ADHD teen transitioned into an adult.

@Neizvestnaya Good advice. That is how I manage what I have to deal with, though my incentive program isn’t great; I like living indoors and unlike my brother-in-law having a clean criminal record. While it is true that some people need to be medicated, the truth is that for most of us, the cure is worse than the disease, and that means that there are drug-free ways to manage.

That doesn’t change the fact that the OP needs to see a medical professional though, and I maintain that for that, they need to cut the parents out of the equation and go over their heads, since it is highly unlikely that they will listen, and even less likely to accommodate.

@jerv @puzas sensible question was how to approach her parents about this issue. I wouldn’t advise cutting her parents out.

@flutherother True, but there are some people that cannot be moved by reason, and many that like to claim that those who actually have some sort of issue (autism, aspergers, bipolar, ADD/ADHD…) that there is nothing wrong other than them just being a brat.
If you want to assume that everybody is willing to listen to reason then you are more of an optimist than I am. And in this case, I am not confident that reason will work.

@jerv Well you have to try reason first remembering that reason can work both ways.

@flutherother Another thing is that any reasonable parent would’ve noticed something by the time the OP was 10. It took a while before my issues were figured out, but at least it was suspected that I had issues as early as 6.
My point is that the parents seem ignorant, possibly wilfully so. Of course, that is just my perspective.

You shouldnt tell a young teenage girl to call child protective services on her parents just because they dont agree with certain medicines that are being abused. I can understand both sides.. I would simply sit down with your parents and explain to them that you feel youre not doing as well in school that you know you can and wish you were doing. Ask them to talk to your doctor or set you an appointment to be tested. Theres not a way to “cheat” on the tests that Ive experienced. Maybe this will help. I hope it does. If you need anymore advice you can message me. Wish everyone hadve stayed on subject to try and help you instead of complaining and arguing.. Best of Luck!! : )