Can you tame or change a stripper into a housewife?

Are you sure you are treating her right/giving here enough attention?

I doubt it has to do with the fact that she used to dance. Her personality may have been influenced by other factors that went along with the dancing. Ladies who strip are sometimes into drugs and alcohol, and get wary of men because they think they only want them for their bodies (and who blames them?).

Everyone reacts differently to different life situations. I don’t think that her being emotionally “ruined” necessarily is because she was a dancer, but that other factors including that affected her.

You can’t “tame” or “change” anyone unless they’re willing to make the change for themselves.

No one can change anyone who is unwilling. Parents can guide children, but ultimately it’s the individual who decides what will be no matter what the teachings. I believe. So…

It sounds as though your ex had some emotional problems that contributed to her becoming an exotic dancer.

It was not the dancing that informed her personality, but the the way around.

It seems as though she might have a hole inside of her that she is trying to fill with love and other experiences, but it can’t be done. She has to love herself to find contentment in a relationship.

Suggest that she get some therapy.

It can only help her (which you should want whether you are together or not for the sake of your children).

This question reminds me of the joke, “How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?” Answer: “One. But it really has to want to change.”

By this I mean, you may want your ex to be a housewife, but is that what she wants? What if that means death as a person to her? I agree with @marinelife, that there are other issues at play here, and in the sequence of events, stripping is the result, not the cause. I could see where stripping gives a woman confidence and control of her life. On the stage, she’s in control. That would be the antithesis of being a housewife and dependent on her husband for her well-being.

I had a child with one, and she abandoned the child when she was a little over a year old. But not all strippers are the same, so some may be perfectly fine spouses. Based on my experiences knowing a bunch of them, I’d say in general strippers are less likely to be suitable spouses than most other people.

Good question. my neighbor was a stripper for many years. she has two children and been married 3 times. her past history has come to haunt her on many occasions. “old” customers would recognize her and, well, you know the rest. strippers usually become addicted to drugs and my neighor is a good example. just the thought of having cash in her hand, is an invitation for illegal drugs. this has happened to her many, many times. its to the point now, that her parents will not let her stay with them anymore.

Sorry you are faced with this situation. its a heartbreaker, especially if you love the person.

Best bet is to move on and no more contact. it will take a while.

Here’s the thing. The two are not necessarily tied together. There are strippers who are perfectly great “housewives” (Here’s the FAQ from one such stripper’s blog). There are flighty gals who aren’t dancers.

There are all kinds of people in the world; some are perfectly stable people, some have issues and chaos in their lives. All kinds of people get into stripping, too. A stable person might strip because she sees no other option, must feed her kids, is working to get through college, etc. – and then there are people who strip for more chaotic reasons. But in most cases where someone’s leading an unstable life, it’s not the stripping that’s causing the issues, it’s that the person already had issues when they got into stripping.

In short, I think you’ve found a person with issues who happens to have been a stripper. I’m not sure you can change someone (“tame?”) any more than you can change anyone else who has issues. She is what she is. If you want someone who is more like June Cleaver or Suzy Hausfrau, it’s best to court someone who is already like that. Sorry, dude.

Like @cockswain, having known several strippers over the years then I’ll weigh in they don’t make the best choices for SO’s or parents.

Well, people can change, but, don’t count on it, and…they might not change until they are on their deathbed.
The light bulb may go on just before the lights go out!

Whoops, a miss! lol

I agree with @marinelife….her personality/emotional issues, need for attention, etc. is what caused her to seek ‘employment’ in an industry of objectification.

My 2 cents…if you want a stable and reliable family horse, probably shouldn’t try to find one at a wild horse auction. lol

They say you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl. Just be a dude and get her a pole!

@Cruiser

Yeah, she needs to be able to teach her ‘skills’ to the little ones. lol

@Coloma Plus what better way to stay in shape than pole dancing?!! XD

My ex of 10 years was a dancer when I met her. She was a little crazy and a decent mom to her 2 kids but very untrustworthy when it came to me. She always seemed bored and flighty after a couple years and we would break up and get back together later. I think she is emotionally ruined.

Is this a theoretical question? I am not sure. It seems like she’s been an ex for ten years, so it must be theoretical, unless you mean you were with her for ten years and she has only recently become an ex. Well, in either case, the answer is no. You cannot change a stripper into a housewife. In fact you can’t change anyone. There is only one person anyone can change: his or herself.

But more details are needed to figure out what is going on here. What does being “a little crazy” look like? Similarly, what does “emotionally ruined” mean? I can’t really answer your question without knowing these things.

I can mention some things that are vast generalizations, and may have nothing to do with your case. I can’t really say anything about the bare bones question you’ve asked.

Often time people in the sex trade have been abused in one way or another as children. Rape is a common form of abuse that many of these women have experienced. The experience usually makes it very different for them to open up and trust anyone, especially themselves. They lose sense of boundaries and can be emotionally quite labile.

The worst thing is that their sense of worth is totally tanked. They might spend lives going from man to man, hoping two opposite things: first they they will get an emotional high that will make them feel better for a moment, and second, they will be punishing themselves for being the bad girls they think they are. They have to be bad, or they wouldn’t be attracting all these men.

Which leads us to the kind of man who want the kind of woman who strips. Often they feel like they are rescuing the women. They want to take them out their den of iniquity and save themselves from the bad life (and at the same time giving their husbands their own personal bad girl.

Eventually, the men find that they cannot rescue their girls. Plus the girls don’t believe they deserve husbands, so they will often cheat in a subconscious effort to destroy their marriages and their lives. So the relationship breaks up. And then maybe gets back together and breaks up again.

So, no taming. No changing someone else. And look to your own behavior. Have you been with other women like this? Do you have a tendency to want to help women who seem to be in trouble? Do you also imagine these women will be wild, or that you can have a wild sex life with them, perhaps a dangerous sex life?

These things are wild generalizations and please don’t take any of it personally. It’s just about what can happen in situations like these. Your personal situation may be nothing like this. Still, my basic answer to your question is “no.” I don’t think you can change this woman (if you are still involved with her), nor can you change anyone.

…Can you tame or change a…

You can’t do a thing.
The other person must want to make the change.
When that happens then you must be understanding, patient and supportive.
And seeking professional help might not be a bad idea.

@wundayatta Maybe this should be a question all its own, but do you think the phrase “emotionally ruined” describes a real state of mind? Can anyone actually be “ruined” emotionally? What would that be?

@cockswain Good question. I think the term needs definition. I suspect it is mostly a euphemism for troubles the OP does not know how to understand or deal with.

Don’t know about your ex, but you sound like you’ve got some growing up to do. Where do you get off thinking another human being needs or can be tamed or changed from a stripper into a housewife? Sounds like a freaking nightmare to me, for one. Perhaps, the two of you aren’t meant to be but you can hardly judge how ‘ruined’ another person is, emotionally if you can’t see how you come off sounding.

The answer is absolutly not. I rekindled an old relationship with my ex 10 years after i met her she was 17 me 22. I was a raging drunk and not a good boy friend at the time. 4 years later i got my stuff together and started one of the most successful companies in the mortgage industry. Was currently married with a kid and living a good life. Then saw my ex and still was in love with her. Any way the rest is when i left my wife i found out she worked at a prominent gentlemans club. i idnt think it was a big deal because i though i could get her to quit and become a good mother and wife because of what we had in the past and to the fact I felt like i came back into her life a knight and shinning armor ready to take her away from this life. Boy are you guys just dreaming if you think you can compete with this industry. I dont care how much money you make or who you are or what you look like. You will never compete with the lifestyle and the industry. Though they will tell you that oh they want the white picket fence dream its all a lie to make them feel better about what they are doing. The truth is i have lived it for three years, even found her a job making twice what she is making and with insurance. Well all talk on her part, then comes the family getting ripped apart because of her lifestyle. Then watch your money, emotions and everything you once were go right in the toilet trying to change somthing that cannot be changed. Here is the best advice I can give anyone, these woman are for show only and if you get lucky with one leave it at that. I will be hurt for the rest of my life over this but ultimatley it takes a certain person to make the decision to work in that industry and I realize that planning a future with some that can make that kind of decision in the first place is not a good idea. I am now trying to rebuild my life and relationships with my family, parents and everyone that respected me before. Here is the best part She never lost a thing but had everything to gain. All the sacrafice will be made on your part and the only thing you will have in the end is a broken heart. And the worst part is she will be on to the next doing the same thing…Wow my child hood sweetheart is now something that I would have never understood untill I have lived it… Sorry for the spelling.. So the short answer to your question is no. And the only way you can have a sustainable relationship with one of these woman is if your in the business yourself. I take it as a learning experience. If you want to learn about selfishness, lies, deceipt, drugs, booze then this is the crash course you need. But at 38 years old and her at 33 thats one course I hope no one wants at my age.