Social Question

gamefu91's avatar

Seriously, honestly, how to be happy when nothing good is happening?

Asked by gamefu91 (585 points ) January 12th, 2011

How can one be happy when there is no reason to be happy, when nothing is going well?
There are so many people who are so lucky than we are.They are blessed with everything one can dream of or at least most of them.Well, yes theere are also so many that are even worse than us, but that cannot make me happy? For example, you may ask me to look at a handicapped person and then at myself, that maybe a reason for once in a while but I can’t always keep thinking about handicapped people as it won’t seem happier anymore.
Then how can one be happy when nothing is turning out good? When I am at my worse in academics and everyone else is improving and excelling.
When I feel nobody cares about me or really nobody cares about me?
When my health is also not good, or infact deteriorating.
When I cannot find out what am I good at or what I wanted to do with my life.
And when I am reserved, reticent and an introvert.
How can I be still happy? There might be some way.

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28 Answers

Pandora's avatar

First stop comparing your lack of happiness to others. The “Grass is always greener on the other side”, will only lead you to disappointment in anything good that does happen to you.
2., You should put the value of what is good. Don’t go by what others view is good.
Example, some would think making anything less than 100K a year is not good. If you have a roof over your head, paying your bills and still able to be warm and fed than that is great in itself.
3. You alone are responsible for your happiness. Exercise, do fun activities, learn to loosen up and enjoy the life you do have. As for academics. Look for other ways of learning what you need to learn. Not everyone learns the same way. It doesn’t mean that your not smart, it simply means you need a different approach.
4. Remember that you don’t know what tomorrow will bring so don’t let today bog you down.
Hope this was helpful.

6rant6's avatar

That’s kind of the sixty four dollar question, isn’t it?

I’m sure the answer is different for everyone. There’s a lot of pressure to achieve the impossible – be number one in everything. I think part of the solution is in looking at smaller pieces. For example, instead of saying, “My health is declining” maybe you can say, “I walked to the store instead of driving.” Instead of saying, “My grades are bad,” maybe you can say, “I learned a lot in my report on Lenny Bruce that I can talk about with people for years to come.”

For myself, I find doing something creative and collaborative chases away those “Nothing is going right” feelings. If you’re working with someone instead of competing against them, then you can all feel good; there don’t need to be losers for you to feel yourself a winner.

Seek's avatar

You be happy because you don’t have a choice.

There has to be something good, so you make it good.

For example:
My husband’s work has gone from sporadic to nonexistent. We haven’t seen a dime come into the house in two weeks. I emptied my son’s piggy bank for gas money. Our car insurance is due on Friday, and we don’t have the money. That means our drivers’ licenses are very likely to be suspended. We don’t live somewhere that has public transportation. Our house is in foreclosure. In two weeks, the power bill will be due, too. For some reason, it’s $220, even though we have nothing on – we haven’t even run the heat! The only thing that might save us is my hubby being able to sell the last item in his record collection, but everyone else is broke too, and no one can give us the $800 we’re asking, or even the $500 we’d be willing to take for it.

On top of all that, on my way to a job interview today, our car broke down. I think someone stole our alternator. There appears to be a hole where something’s supposed to go, and there’s nothing there. How are we going to get that fixed? Hell if I know.

However, you gotta be positive, because if you don’t, you’ll go fucking insane. So I focus on my son – his curly blonde hair, and how fast he’s learning to talk. He can count to twelve now, and knows the whole alphabet!

Seek's avatar

Another positive – fixed the car, interview became a phone interview, and I got the job! So, if I’m still legally allowed to drive for a few weeks, that should pay some of the bills.

See, being positive helps a little. ^_^

CMA1208's avatar

For anyone in a time of despair, look for what solutions are available. Food, shelter, help with heating bills, medical needs….The first step is call 211 – this is a United Way program nationwide. Like 411 or 911, 211 is a direct link to the United Way in your area – you’ll be amazed at what all they can help you with. Also, call the churches in your area, or go knock on their door. You don’t have to a member. We take up collections to buy gas cards, gift cards to grocery stores, etc to make available to help those who ask for help in our area.Churches can let you know about resources available in your community, from food pantries to help with utility bills. If you can get help with your basic needs, that’s a start. It’s easier to wake up in the morning and face the day when you’ve gone to bed with food in your stomach the night before. And as far as being happy or not being happy – yes, it truly is a state of mind. Having a lot of money doesn’t make you happier, but it does make things easier. Many though can live on much less when they stop comparing themselves with others to determine what they should own or have because someone else has it. Whatever they own, isn’t the source of their happiness. Or lack of happiness. What I am interpreting in gamefu91’s post is a state of feeling unfulfilled. Whatever you’re doing, isn’t doing it for you :) There is where I would start – many people do the same thing day in day out and somehow expect a different result. If you aren’t happy with your results, then you need to change what you’re doing. And a great place to start is just with your thought process: How to find out what you’re supposed to be doing with your life? I feel we are each born with natural talents; like a gift box placed inside us as we’re being formed into little humans. What are you drawn to naturally? What did you enjoy doing as a child, (before all the other crap enters our lives) what brings you simple pleasure, that you can do (and you’re not periodically checkingthe clock) and feel “whole” when you’re doing it? Go there. Maybe it can be a job, maybe not. But it’s a respite and that’s why it’s your gift.

Meego's avatar

You sound like I used to, my mother always said like clock work, and I used to hate it, that “you need to stop being so negative and be more positive”. Truth be known I have had a shitty life, but thanks to my late husband I don’t owe a dime to anyone, that makes me pretty happy. It also makes me happy when I can accomplish things, like for instance I did horrible in grade school I excelled in college and graduated with honors with my interior decorating diploma. I felt much more accomplished yesterday when the lady came by from the funeral home to drop off the plot certificate without knowing I have my degree she walked into my home and said “wow! I love what you have done here, you must have paid a decorator to do this for you!”. LOL I said, oh I guess no one told you I have my degree in interior decorating. Then my sister finally came over for the first time she called my mother the next day and told her she was not going to come to my house again because she was so jealous. She went and started on payments a new table and couch set similar to mine, because mine “looks so good the way it is” her words. To be honest I have had my degree for over 10yrs I was starting to believe it was a waste of time, I was really negative about it. With some positive feedback I was able to regain my composure. I think compliments help…so I think your doing a great job!!!! :) (that was my positive reinforcement hopefully it will work a bit)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Go hang out with any homeless person.

BoBo1946's avatar

We all have highs and lows. The valleys make the mountains more enjoyable. Like my old coach once said, “the sun doesn’t shine on the same dog’s ass everyday!” How true.

6rant6's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I dunno. Some of those folks are real downers…

kess's avatar

The Truth is nothing bad ever happens…
we only believes it does because we think So.

remember all things are for a good purpose.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Once again we encounter the problem of focus. Take your focus off of comparisons between you and other people! There are always going to be those better off than you, and there always going to be those worse off than you. Secondly, DECIDE to be happy. Learn what muscle groups you use when you are happy and exercise those when you want your mood to change. Stand in from of a mirror and make goofy faces at yourself. Pick a good memory from your life and remember it, smiling while you do. Volunteer to help those who most need it… place the focus on helping others!

SmoothEmeraldOasis's avatar

@CaptainHarley – I agree with you, also one thing I do that might be worth considering is taking up a hobby that would cause you to open up the inner creative spirit you may have locked up. I do sewing, crocheting, knitting, cooking, even cleaning rooms as it was Spring time. Sometimes being surrounded by stuff that may be out-dated or of no tangile use, causes one to kind of follow suit .

Supacase's avatar

Start a gratitude journal. Write 5 (or 3) things you are grateful for every day. It can be as simple as waking up that morning or eating your favorite cereal for breakfast. It makes you focus on how good things are when they seem so bleak.

BoBo1946's avatar

that would be today…. and yesterday! But, there is always tomorrow. Being positive is always the best road to take.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s probably easiest if you can understand no one is supposed to be “happy” as a default. If you are fed, sheltered and clothed, safe from assault and have some basic amusements then you should be happy you are not without those things. I dunno but I kind of look at any day when no disaster befalls me as a good day. I don’t always appreciate it but I make myself recognize it’s not a bad day.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@SmoothEmeraldOasis

Good point! I agree. : ))

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Neizvestnaya

You’ll get happier easier when you get to the point ( as I have ) where being able to open both eyes and place both feet on the floor makes it a good day! : ))

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@CaptainHarley: I got there a few years back and feel like that a good 80% of the time. It seemed like a long time coming to wake up and feel good even if my body didn’t always feel good. I feel really thankful for the mental change.

Meego's avatar

I thought about it and what really is happiness anyway? Considering you can’t laugh 24/7 it must be that you mean you want to be content. I mean I’m here, I’m living I make it through the day, I feel more like a robot with times of system failure.

YARNLADY's avatar

Happy isn’t something that happens to you, it’s how you choose to face the world. Nothing can make you happy or sad, you are in charge of how you feel.

I made a pledge to myself many years ago that I would be happy every single day for the rest of my life. I wake up every day and ask myself how I will make this another happy day.

I don’t have to like everything that happens in my life, but I do have make the best of it.

janedelila's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Go hang out with a homeless person??? No offense, but quick fix wake-up call sitcom advice is not a great answer, in my opinion.

Jeruba's avatar

I think the so-called Serenity Prayer is a great place to start. It does not become less powerful just because it’s so familiar:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Notice that the less you blame your unhappiness on other people, places, and things, the more it comes under the heading of things you can change—namely, yourself. Learning to change yourself is the key to happiness.

starsofeight's avatar

If you depend on external stimuli for your inner condition, your happiness will never be more than a lie.

Your inner condition should rather depend on your inner strengths and abilities, if you have any.

Meego's avatar

@Fred931 If that doesn’t make someone happy I don’t know what will LOL I thought it was great!

Joshuajohn's avatar

When you think about those people who are always facing problems through their poorness and always worried about their family, business and their loves one.Then you will feel that my problem have very minor value and you will feel better.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Jeruba

The one I like is: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to shoot those who refuse to listen!” LOL!

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