Social Question

carrielynn's avatar

How can I get my boyfriend to cuddle after sex?

Asked by carrielynn (131 points ) February 12th, 2011

After sex he usually cleans up then doesn’t get back in bed. He’ll smoke or watch TV. I tell him I like him to stay a few minutes because cuddling after sex feels as good as the sex itself. He says as a man he doesn’t need that, that he can just turn sex on and off. For me it builds up and then I come slowly down after. He says he understands, and I know he likes to satisfy me, but before I know it he’s in the kitchen making a sandwich as if he’s forgotten. How can I hold his attention just a few minutes longer after sex?

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18 Answers

tranquilsea's avatar

If you’ve already talked to him about it and he is not considering what you need then….

Tactically, you could insist on being on top and just refuse to get off of him until you’re ready.

tedibear's avatar

If you’re only asking for a few minutes, I don’t know why he won’t comply. If you were asking for hours, or until you fell asleep, that could be annoying for him. And maybe that’s what he’s afraid of having happen. That you’re saying “a few minutes” but you’ll want three hours. And cuddling after sex isn’t just about the sex (that he can “turn on and off”) but about feeling close afterwards. If he’s not having sex with you because he wants to be close as well as release his physical needs, then why have sex with him?

choreplay's avatar

Sex has different reactions in different people, like it relaxes me but hipes up my wife. You have a lot more leverage before sex, would cuddling before satisfy you? My wife can get five times the back rub before as I can muster after and given my level of motivation before I’m glad to do it, as I just want to get my hands on her anyway I can. My something like this will work for you.

Mikewlf337's avatar

Satisfy him.

tranquilsea's avatar

Have you just talked to him about this outside of actually having sex? If so, it is my experience that men’s brains drain out of their heads after they orgasm lol. You may have to say something when he makes a move to leave.

I have found too that when my hubby and I have great sex he usually sticks around after to comment on it…again and again.

Pattijo's avatar

I agree with ” Season of Fall , get him to cuddle you before making love . Because you can’t change him , he’ll have to want to change his reactions after making love.

Cruiser's avatar

Trade him in for a cuddlier model.

tranquilsea's avatar

@Cruiser LOL!

It is a little disconcerting that he hasn’t stayed around even after she’s spoken with him about it. It sounds too much like he’s gotten what he wants/needs and that’s all that matters.

chyna's avatar

He sounds selfish. If this is a big deal for you and it is for me then you may want to re-think your relationship with him. Is he selfish in other aspects of your relationship? Does he only take you to movies or restaurants that he wants to go to?

Mikewlf337's avatar

I was kidding about satisfying him. Some people just don’t like to cuddle. If he doesn’t want to cuddle he doesn’t want to cuddle.

auntydeb's avatar

How about making a little picnic – sandwich, cake or whatever – before you get to the sex, so that it is ready afterwards. Then bring it back to bed, snuggle and snack together. Wine is good for this, hot chocolate…

Not every time maybe, but introducing a little ‘fun’ to the after-sex time might give him a differente feeling, it might bring you both closer. Sharing, laughing and having a little extra fun might help break any barriers… You could try enjoying the cosy feeling alone – stretch out under the covers and close your eyes, ignore your partner and simply feel your own body, how nice it is after orgasm and all that. He might even come back to see what it is you are up to…

But, I do agree with @Mikewlf337, he may simply not want to cuddle. Asking him to keep explaining it is just irritating.

SamIAm's avatar

Is your boyfriend @bob_?? Maybe we can talk to him :)

Haleth's avatar

That’s selfish. Imagine if he asked you for something and said it meant a lot say, blowjobs and you just ignored it. For a lot of women, the emotional connection feels even better than the sex itself. If you’re in a relationship with someone, part of the relationship is being considerate and meeting each other’s needs. He’s basically saying, “Well, I don’t need to cuddle, so there’s no reason why we should do it.”

Dan Savage would probably say DTMFA (dump that motherfucking asshole). Have you been very clear to him that this is important to you, and that you need it? A lot of the time if you ask nicely or beat around the bush, younger guys won’t get what you’re saying, won’t pay attention, or won’t think it’s important. If you want to keep having sex with him, put your foot down about this. But keep in mind that there are plenty of guys out there who are mature and considerate, and would be happy to cuddle or do whatever it takes to satisfy their partner.

Rarebear's avatar

Reminds of a Woody Allen line: “The nicest thing about masturbation is after. The cuddling time.”

rooeytoo's avatar

Sex should lead to mutual satisfaction. If he wants you to satisfy him, then he has to do the same for you. Tell him that not all men are like that, so don’t use that as an excuse for his lack of consideration for your feelings.

phoebusg's avatar

Just an idea, but you could try to turn him back on :)

auntydeb's avatar

Whoa, lots of people seem to think that having good sex is about ‘owing’ something to another. This is not a transaction! Just because one wants something different or – perhaps (greedily?) more – doesn’t actually entitle us! Where’s the trust? Where’s the fun? Since when was sex all about ‘getting what you want’? It is, at it’s most basic, about procreation.

Do you want to have babies with this guy? Even in an imaginary way??? Well if so, then work on the intimacy (see above, hot chocolate, enjoying one’s self) in your relationship, see things from his point of view – if you dare! Otherwise, enjoy what you do already and be prepared to get out and get real, with the man of your ‘dreams’, who will cuddle you and make you feel cosy, after inseminating you.

markferg's avatar

Maybe you could tazer him into unconsciousness for a while?

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