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Kay's avatar

(Women) Would you ask a man to marry you?

Asked by Kay (1598 points ) April 15th, 2008

After all these years and the progress that has been made with regards to gender equality, is it still a man’s job to propose? I think it’s definitely something that should be discussed beforehand, but I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I could actually propose without feeling weird about it (even if I knew for sure that he would say “yes”). Thoughts?

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37 Answers

lovelyy's avatar

I’m old fashion I would not propose, also I don’t handle rejection well.

johnny0313x's avatar

I’m all for equal rights. I’m gay but if I were straight and the woman asked me. I’d be kinda bummed just cause I would feel like I missed out on a very important moment. But then I’d prolly be flattered and get over it. However I guess you were asking woman. So why am I opening my mouth heh

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wildflower's avatar

Yes. Unfortunately my husband beat me to it, but maybe I’ll suggest the where and when to renew our vows….(I’m thinking Vegas and a Japanese Elvis impersonator)

lovelyy's avatar

@johnny0313; if I wasen’t on my phone I would flag that last answer.

johnny0313x's avatar

sorry if that was really rude. For what its worth I do apoligize for my poor humour.

wildflower's avatar

I thought it was funny…...and raises the question of what a man should be doing on his knees….

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eadinad's avatar

Yes and no. I would bring up the subject of marriage for discussion, and let him know how I felt about it/that I wanted it. But I wouldn’t expect either of us to propose – it’s too important of an issue for one person to just decide to ask. The decision to be married should come after lots of deep conversation and thought. And after that, it seems kind of silly to have a serious proposal, when both parties know the answer.

Now, a silly symbolic proposal? That’s cool, and I would do that.

toolaura4ya's avatar

my boyfriends ex wasinfatuated with him and he did not see there relationship to be as serious as she felt it was. My boyfriend is real big and manly and pretty country. One night they were at a party and she got down on one knee and proposed and he had no idea. He asked her to go to another room to talk because everyone was watching and he politely told her no.

gorillapaws's avatar

Is a woman asking “so when are you going to propose to me?” really all that different than her proposing herself?

@toolaura4ya- that’s a pretty crazy story. I feel bad for the girl.

toolaura4ya's avatar

I know I actually feel bad for her too. She still calls my man and tells him that she’ll never find anyone that compares to him or that she would want to be with. I just dont understand what was running through her mind when she asked him that. Oh well she’s entitled to her own feelings and actions. I bet she hates me bc he and I are way more serious than she and him ever were.

Hollister0221's avatar

she needs to move on. Can women really get that obsessed? Wow!

gorillapaws's avatar

@Hollister0221, some women are capable of doing some pretty crazy things when they get emotionally invested in something. If you haven’t yet learned this valuable life lesson, you should take the opportunity to do so at this time….

LunaFemme's avatar

I would. @gorilla-LOL. My husband & I did things a bit backwards; bought a house together first, etc., so one year @ Christmas time he asked me what I wanted. I replied, “u know the answer to THAT question and if you’re not going to get me what I want then don’t bother to get me anything at all.” So, I guess I really proposed?

LunaFemme's avatar

@ Holister-weird obsessions are not just limited to females. Men can be just as obsessed.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

@gorillapaws… I second that. Not that I’m sexist or that all women are like that, but they exist and we should all be aware of that!
Personally, I would much rather propose than the girl do it. I try to be somewhat chivalrous in how I treat women. My personal belief is that while men and women are equal, it is sort of like comparing apples to oranges. They’re both just as good, but inherently different, and therefore you can’t treat them exactly the same all the time. I’m not talking about the workplace and that sort of thing, there they should be equal… Anyways I hope you understand my point, though I expect there are those who will call me sexist and I welcome the inevitable flaming…
Besides, I’ve been romanticizing all my life how I’d propose to someone and I’d be disappointed to not get the chance to show my love the way I want to

scamp's avatar

@Kay is this the same guy you were just talking about it this question?
http://www.fluther.com/disc/11162/how-can-i-get-my-boyfriend-to-be-more-romantic/

Emilyy's avatar

I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who really, really want their partner to propose and wait years and years for it, being unsatisfied and resentful the entire time. Rather than spend that time waiting for someone else to make the move, I say get it out in the open, ask for what you want, and if you get rejected then it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. But then again, I’m a woman who for the most part isn’t afraid to ask people out or ask for what I want in relationships, so maybe I’m in the minority.

Kay's avatar

@scamp, God no; there’s no way in hell I’m getting married any time soon. Women can ask questions without having ulterior motives.

mcbealer's avatar

Britney Spears did and we all know how that turned out…

jonno's avatar

What’s with the eight different “Removed by Fluther moderators” above?

Robby's avatar

Times are very different from 20, 30 years ago. I think if you truely love someone then it really shouldn’t matter. (Proposing happened to end up being the role of the male) I would like to be the one to propose, because I have a lot of romantic ideas about it and think would be original. Like taken her to a place at night where you would see thousands of fireflies and and setting the mood for the question.
I would also be honered if my g/f proposed to me to.

gorillapaws's avatar

@Robby, I like the proposal idea, just be sure not to use the jumbo-tron at the local ballpark, although that might actually be kind of cute if a woman proposed to a man that way, especially if he were a sports nut.

scamp's avatar

I think it’s ok for a woman to propose, but for me I prefer to be asked than to do the asking. SO bought me a rose, and the ring was tied to it with a ribbon. I loved that!

crazyquestionanswers's avatar

well some people might do it if her and her partner have been toghether for a long period of time and the partner has not proposed then the lady can try her best to propose to her male partner.

avengerscion's avatar

I refer to the marriage proposal between Miranda and Steve in Sex & the City. She proposed to him in the spur of the moment, nothing romantic at all. I imagine my marriage proposal might work this way. Preferrably, I would like the guy to propose in some romantic way, but if I feel the urge – why not? He can still do his thing without the pressure of being rejected.

liliesndaisies's avatar

It won’t be me if I will so no. :)

Carol's avatar

Why wouldn’t you? You have to ask him to take out the garbage when its right there in front of him. Do you wait for him to make reservations at a restaurant? Who chooses the restaurant?

The golden rule of thumb according to my mother is that the woman chases the man until he catches her. But she has to be subtle about it so he’ll think its his idea.

nana098's avatar

nope ill just bring it up but not with the ring and stuff noo im old fashined

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