Would you consider waiting for a guy/girl that you like?

1. No
2. No
3. No

I wouldn’t wait, and I don’t get #3. Am I waiting to date a doctor? Now, if I am relationship-free in 6 months, then it would then be reopened for discussion.

I would not. Just liking a person is not nearly enough information to make that kind of commitment.

Go off and do something productive as 6 months really will blow by quickly and after those 6 months if they still want to hook up, see if there are still feelings for each other.

Nope. If he/she wasn’t interested in a relationship now, I wouldn’t wait around for them to change their mind. If things changed in the future, we’d have to see what happened then.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell someone that you will sit around waiting for them. I think it’s ok, if you aren’t in a relationship with anyone, anyway, as long as you go about your business in a normal fashion, then if you meet him again after the 6 months, then you can give it a go.

I just don’t like the idea of you telling him that you’ll wait for him. You aren’t in a relationship with him yet, so you have no idea if he is worth waiting for or not. In the meantime, you should not deny yourself the opportunity to date other people, nor should you sit at home pining away for this guy in the hope that in 6 months everything will work out and you 2 will go off happily into the sunset.

Guys and girls say all sorts of things when they’re not ready for a relationship. He’s not ready for a relationship. He might change his mind next month. He might develop feelings for another woman in two months. He might like guys, and is trying to let you down easily. He might have just broken up with another woman and might not be finished with her, and might not have even told you that. He didn’t need to because you 2 are not in a relationship. He might be completely sincere about what he said, but that should not put you in a position of “waiting” for him.

You’ll either be there when he gets back or you won’t. Don’t stop living your life in the meantime, because I guarantee you that he won’t stop living his life!

1. No. A good relationship is rewarding and supportive. Apparently they do not believe this one would be, if it’s a “full time distraction.”

2. No. You can’t put pieces of your life on hold while trying to fix other ones. This never works, and no one has an infinite amount of time.

3. No. I don’t like doctors. :P

If it’s worth going for, it’s worth going for now. But this hypothetical person sounds annoyingly career-oriented anyway.

I dunno. The reasons are weird and making me bounce all over the place in my mind

I’d try to figure out the underlying (and real) reason. Are they not secure enough to go out with you until they think they’re “good enough”? Are they trying to delay giving you a real response? Do they think you won’t like them unless they’re a certain way? Do they have some really strong personal goals they have to finish before they can commit to anyone else? (None of these sound very good to me, by the way.)

If I was in the situation, I’d have to consider who they were as a person. If I think they honestly mean, ‘in 6 months then try to keep me away, babe’ and I genuinely like them too, I might consider it. MIGHT
”& considering your previous relationship they are worried you will be crushed if they are denied residency.” This is what makes me wonder if they might actually be serious: that they don’t want to lose you when they do get you (of course, just reading the words it’s automatically out of context for me, unavoidably, which is why I’m not entirely certain; and it’s still a little weird, this is the best-case scenario I’m seeing here in the paragraph)

In general, someone putting such a long-off starting date for a relationship has me seriously wonder what else is really going on. This type of situation makes me think—so am I always going to be waiting for them? Waiting on them? Waiting waiting waiting? No one’s worth that much of your time. What I’m most worried about is this being an idicator of what they’ll be like in a relationship. (In just a few more minutes, maybe next week, let’s talk about it a year from now… etc)

I’d seriously consider telling them now or never, and if they can’t take me now, then it’s their loss. Because 6 months is a really long time to be waiting.

No,I sure wouldn’t.:)

Asinine!

~End Transmission~

Honestly, I don’t think I should wait for him. I actually told him to NOT expect me to wait because a guy could come along at anytime & decide to give me the time of day. Though the more I think about it the more i’m unsure about saying this to him.

All this only occured because jokingly a few weeks ago I asked if he liked me (knowing I liked him). I wasn’t expecting his answer to be YES and follwed by “I already see you as my girlfriend & not just a friend”.

I’m 22, hes 26. My Mum thinks that it’s ridiculous that he has asked me to wait and thinks I need to think more about it before making any kind of decision which makes sense along with the rest of you.

Unfortunately he isn’t a doctor or studying to be one. He is studying Business Management.

My previous relationship resulted in myself being dumped after 7months because I would not marry my ex in order for him to get New Zealand Residency. I haven’t exactly had a clear run.

@silvermoon I’m so sorry about the “green card” guy. The same thing happened to my cousin and she was devastated, because he pretended to really love her. So so so sorry.

This new guy might be perfectly fine (down the line). It’s just not appropriate for him to ask you to wait for him. Things happen, six months is a long time. Things are just as likely to happen to him as they are for you. A much better fellow might show up on your doorstep next week. Don’t put yourself in the position of having to deny your life for 6 months.

Also, don’t let him convince you that texting and e-mailing and phoning long distance is a good thing either. You are more likely to fall for him if you guys have a “pretend” long distance relationship. It’s super easy, even for someone as busy as he claims that he’ll be, to give you a false sense of intimacy if you guys are texting and othewise communicating over a long distance. Don’t do it.

Just tell him that you have feelings for him, but since you are not a couple, it wouldn’t be fair to either one of you to pretend that there’s something there, when there isn’t. Tell him that you might be interested in a relationship down the line, but in the meantime, it’s best if you both just live your separate lives and if one or the other of you happens to become interested in someone else, then no harm, no foul.

Then you can throw in, “And by the way, since we all have these amazing New Zealand accents, how could I NOT become attracted to some other cute guy?” Sorry, but you all do sound so marvelous.

The reasons given are all silly. Dating doesn’t have to mean a heavy -all consuming relationship. He’s given you excuses, not reasons.

I don’t get what you mean about a “clear run”? When someone is using you to get New Zealand residency, and decides to move on because you won’t let yourself be used, then you are the one who is doing the dumping, and are not the person who’s dumped. Congratulations on having good common sense. It sounds like you have better judgement than you might think; trust it.

I’m assuming this young man is a foreign exchange student in New Zealand. If that’s the case, then it sounds like he’s a very honorable and practical young man. Are you in a hurry to be in a commited relationship with someone? Why? You really don’t “need” a boyfriend. Take the next six months to focus on yourself, and see how things pan out in the relationship department. Six months is not very long. Maybe you meet someone else, maybe you don’t. That could happen even if he is your boyfriend.

@BarnacleBill What I mean by “clear run” is luck, I havn’t had any luck with any guys that I met. I’m proberly just looking in the wrong direction. So far all of them (3) have been on a Student Visa & one followed on into a Work Visa. This new guy is currently on a Student Visa & his 2nd year in New Zealand. I’m not in a hurry to be commited, only been single for one month since the last “event”. Known this new guy for a few months at the most – talking almost everyday. I admit i’m still quite upset about my previous relationship.

I’d say “If I’m available when you are ready to see me, then I might consider it, but right now, I just can’t commit to waiting on anyone.”

Then it sounds like you need six months, too. Date him but don’t sleep with him. Breaking up is much easier without sex, and it makes it easier to figure out how committed they are.

No, especially if they considered me a distraction. I’d take each of the reasons given as one big blowoff that says, I’m not as serious about you as you are about me and I don’t want to be so take these declarations of mine and decide if you want to stick around “as is” or not.

who is that much of a self centered ahole?

that’s my answer and I’m sticking to it!

If a guy wants to date you, he will make it happen. By asking you to wait, he’s trying to let you down easy.

Anyway, there’s no reason you should make a 6-month to someone you aren’t even dating! That’s ridiculous.

No way, do not wait! If you happen to be single after going about your normal life of meeting people and being open to new relationships forming, then sure give him a chance then. But no way should you put your life on hold… they aren’t even adjusting theirs to try to fit you in it!

Just say no but that you’ll reconsider in 6 months.

I am not sure why they can’t do all those things while in a relationship? Certainly you might need to be understanding of the pressure they might be under at times, but it feels quite egocentric to ask you to hang around waiting for them to get their life goals on the way before they can give you time? So…no.

Are the universities in New Zealand like in Europe, where you have to sit for exams in order to get your diploma? If so, this is a very different level of pressure than US universities; it’s more like sitting for the Bar exam. If that is the case, I can understand him not wanting to start a new relationship with that looming ahead of him.

It doesn’t sound like his plan is “you wait for me while I date other people.” I don’t understand why you have to commit to waiting.

I’m sticking with my answer above, but I would just like to add that a person could wait an entire lifetime for just one nod, and be quite content…

I would wait if i believed in my heart this was the right man for me I think its reasonable to wait for someone maybe they want to have a degree so one day they can support u and starting a relationship now would only make things difficult for example if he had to travel to school and has a job ect any other distractions would be difficult and having a good balance in your life before starting a serious relationship is a good thing to have because without balance the relationship will probably have a short run also if he is wanting u to wait so he can feel more like a man and be able to provide for u and also maybe he needs the experience of school to help him grow if he is wanting u to wait it may not be the right time to start something…..for everything there is a season and a time and if your posting this u must feel in your heart u should just everyone around u is telling u u shouldnt an di dont know the guy but it seems to me that he has good motives that he is only trying to protect u and there is no reason to rush into something love takes time and true love is built on friendship iv been single for almost ten months now by choice i had bad relationship after bad relationship and iv decided to wait as long as it takes to find someone with the same morals and values and stop settling just because im lonley