Social Question

chelle21689's avatar

Would you delete pictures of your ex on Facebook if you had a new bf/gf?

Asked by chelle21689 (5085 points ) March 12th, 2011

I have been with my ex for 5½ years and so there are tons of albums with him in it. Probably over 300 pictures, lol.

Is it wrong for me to NOT want to delete them if I had a new boyfriend ask me to delete albums/pictures?

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31 Answers

12Oaks's avatar

Probably not. Not if you use facebook for, like, a historical referrence of your life and such. Can’t erase the past, and no need to deny it.

zenvelo's avatar

I don’t think it is a reasonable request that they be deleted. But I would be sure that no new pictures are added to them at all. That way they don’t re-appear in your news.

chelle21689's avatar

Honestly to me, I’d feel like if someone is asking me to delete the photos it’s like erasing a part of my memory. I know it’ll always be in my heart/mind but it’s kind of cool to see a “time line” of my life on Facebook…

Blackberry's avatar

I still have my pictures up. If my new mate wants me to delete them, that shows what I’d be dealing with if I stayed with her long term lol.

Randy's avatar

I’ve only deleted pictures of an ex on Facebook once and that was for my own well being. No one asked me to do so but I had a tough time getting past her. I can understand a new mate wanting you to delete forget get past that big part of your life but as long as it’s not an issue for you, then you shouldn’t have to. Maybe just show your new fella that it’s part of the past and won’t be an issue.

chelle21689's avatar

Well, I don’t have a boyfriend right now. This is just something I thought about! Haha

Supacase's avatar

I probably would, but not because a new boyfriend asked me. I would move them to a CD to keep the memories long before I was seeing someone else just as I would take photos off of my walls or tables and put them in a box.

BarnacleBill's avatar

I would probably pare down the photos that are visible, mixing some in with the ex into an abbreviated album, and move the others to album that’s not visible. You could probably pare the last 5 years with your ex down to about 30 – 40 pictures of both of you. Any more than that, and it’s overkill.

Seelix's avatar

I wouldn’t delete them just because someone wanted me to. I might do what @Supacase suggested for some of them, but if a new boyfriend can’t accept the fact that he’s not the only guy I’ve been with, then that’s a problem.

I could understand taking down photos from around the house, where they’d be seen often, but really, you’d have to go looking on Facebook to find pictures.

chelle21689's avatar

Yeah of course, lol. Having pics hang around the house is a completely different story!

chyna's avatar

I would transfer them, not because I was asked to, but because I would obviously be moving on with my life if I had a new b/f.

Jude's avatar

I have a few pictures of my ex on Facebook (from Austin), so, no.

Disc2021's avatar

Me? I would probably not only delete the pictures but my entire Facebook account as well.

Why? Because of the root of this question exactly – it causes drama. Next thing you know, your ex is going to comment on your status one day and you’ll be hearing it again from the current. I say, to hell with all of it. Though there isn’t much of my past that I regret, I have no problem leaving it exactly where it is; in the past.

Stefaniebby's avatar

When I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 months I deleted everything about him. I blocked him on facebook, I deleted every picture with him (some, of course, I cropped him out of) I threw away everything he gave me. Also, when he got a new girlfriend (that got pregnant with his child) I blocked her as well. The first step in getting over a relationship, to me, is just moving on completely, I don’t want to remember any time I had with him, it’s not important to me anymore. And let me tell you, it works. Now I wasn’t devastated at all when I dumped him, but forgetting him? He was forgotten in less than a month for sure and I couldn’t be happier. :)

Axemusica's avatar

No, but I would delete them from my phone. If you know what I mean. ;)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Probably because if I’ve got the pics on facebook then it means I’ve got them somewhere else for memories and record. To me facebook is for sharing the stuff I want everyone on my friends list to be able to share in and that means giving preference and respect to a current partner’s feelings if my partner is on or can see my facebook stuff. Trust me, hurt feelings aren’t worth it to stand on some principle of what you think your partner should be able to accept.

SavoirFaire's avatar

I like what a friend of mine did: she kept the pictures because she was still friends with the guy, but removed all of the “I love this guy” or “this is my awesome boyfriend” stuff. Because she didn’t still love him, and he wasn’t her boyfriend any longer (awesome or otherwise). She has enough male friends that the pictures could be totally innocuous.

BarnacleBill's avatar

You might want to approach it from the perspective that in 5–½ years, all of your friends who are going to look at your pictures have already gone through all 300.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@SavoirFaire & @BarnacleBill have EXCELLENT answers.
I’ve been through this and so only know how I would have liked to have handled such private stuff. We can all laugh it off and say, gah- it’s only facebook but… err on the side of your partner’s perspective if you really value and respect them more than seeing old pics of you and your ex on display for the public.

AshlynM's avatar

If you’ve truly moved on with your past relationship, then delete the pictures of your ex from facebook. There’s really no reason to have them on there anymore, other than memories.

Be sure you have the pictures saved elsewhere on your computer.

I’d also get rid of any past texts and emails.

suzanna28's avatar

Facebook is irrelevant to life..

Having pics of your ex on facebook is equivalent to having a photo album with pics of your ex.

Tell them to get a life and get over it.

They are insecure..

Do you want to have a relationship with an insecure person ?? Think about it.

stormking21's avatar

I guess it would alright if you don’t mind if he had pics of his ex-girlfriend on his facebook page.This is all about trust and being secure in your relationship.If he really trust you and you’ve done nothing to make him suspicious then there should be no problem.I understand that these pictures are important to you but if you’re no longer with your ex wouldn’t it be practical to remove any memory of being with him? Would it be o.k with you if you found out that your boyfriend kept tons of pictures of his ex-girlfriend or girlfriends? Are you still in love with your ex-boyfriend? I’m assuming the reason you kept the pics because things between you and your ex didn’t end badly.If your new boyfriend is jealous it’s because men are territorial.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

If I were him I would know those albums were a part of you. I would also know they were the past. The compromise would be to keep maybe one album posted with reference that is was history less any current people get confused. I would not worry about her going back to the dude, as far s I see it I have the job. My name is on the door and my feet are on the desk. To me it doesn’t matter who walks through the office so long as she says the job is mind and not to clear out my desk and be gone by the afternoon I don’t care if she speaks or have conversations with other guys. If they think she is hot I know they will take their shot, I can’t stop them. We will be making our own history and that is what we should be putting forward, so one album stays but I would request she shelve the others.

Eggie's avatar

No, unless if you want to forget the person…but you dont have to.

strawberrypomme's avatar

I think delete any of the two of you as a couple from the profile pictures album. therefore you are no longer advertising the relationship. keep the ones in their separate albums as you did obviously spend time with this person. unless he was abusive, then u need to delete asap!

cmomoCPA's avatar

It’s up to you and how you want to portray yourself. It’s not so much about being dishonest, it’s Facebook, how do you want to present yourself to the world?

That being said, keep in mind some people are highly judgemental and some aren’t…I guess it’s like marketing/sales keep your target audience in mind. And opinions are like a**holes, or rather only a**holes always have strong opinions.
I myself posted pics of my exes after so my new gf would get to learn more about me.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

When I was much younger and more jealous of a person, I might have said yes (to the question in your description). Now, though, I don’t think you should delete them if you don’t want to. Your ex is a part of your past. Let go of his pictures when it feels natural to do so, if ever. If you don’t and give in to a request to delete them from a future boyfriend, you might end up feeling resentment for that person.

I have several pictures of an ex-boyfriend and me… not all on Facebook. On Facebook, though, I have an album entitled “For Memories Sake Only <3” or something like that that contains photographs of us together. It’s a private album and I don’t look at it that much. I can’t bring myself to delete the album. I may have moved on, but he is still part of my past and I acknowledge that.

noraasnave's avatar

If I were you; I wouldn’t not make this decision for anyone else but yourself.

Would it be cathartic for you to destroy the pictures? Do they represent a time of personal growth? Are there children involved that would want to have the pictures when they are grown up?

For me it was extremely helpful and cathartic to remove the pictures from the albums and put them in a envelope for the children (their birth mother). Empty frames on the walls seemed to help express the pain and mourning I was processing inside.

background: she left, I became single parent of two children (3 &5 years old) while a Active Duty Marine working 16 hours a day.

bomyne's avatar

No.

It’s your past. Your new boyfriend must respect your history. You cared deeply for this ex at one stage of your life, and that shaped who you are today. Since you don’t want to delete these photos yourself, I’m going to assume that you parted on good terms and are probably still friends.

It’s your choice. No one elses. He needs to respect who you are, and who you have been.

chinchin31's avatar

If they are very cuddly photos yes I would. I think facebook is making alot of people weird. Before facebook if you ended a relationship with someone you could avoid seeing them and move on. Now on facebook people continue to stalk their exes after a break-up it is bad for closure.

chinchin31's avatar

I personally used to find it easier to move on with my life by getting rid of everything that reminded me my ex. I mean you ARE exes for a reason. I don’t believe in being friends with exes. But then again everyone is different.
I honestly never saw anyone that had a non-dysfunctional or awkward relationship with their ex. I think it is a myth.
I would remove all of them. Trust me if he really cares alot about you, his relationship with his ex would mean nothing to him and he would delete the pictures. I think he secretly still has some feelings for her. I think it is creepy.
And as someone said above. I think their is a huge difference between having an album in a drawer somewhere and having pictures on facebook. He is probably still stalking her on facebook too. Be careful.

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