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nikipedia's avatar

(NSFW) Have your experiences with group sex been positive or negative?

Asked by nikipedia (27333 points ) June 19th, 2011

A friend of mine has been debating having a threesome lately, and she has been weighing the pros and cons. Although I can imagine there is plenty of potential for negative fallout, the people I know who have engaged in threesomes seem to have had generally positive experiences.

Have you had any experience with threesomes or moresomes? Were there negative consequences, and if so, were they of the kind that you had anticipated? Or perhaps you were apprehensive, and it turned out to be positive?

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23 Answers

King_Pariah's avatar

I’ve been in a few threesomes and one foursome, and I got to say that overall I found them to all be pretty good. Of course, I never did one while I was in a relationship, thus I didn’t have to worry about any repercussions arising from that. The foursome was a bit cumbersome though and thoroughly exhausting.

wundayatta's avatar

I can’t say for sure, but I sometimes think that my first threesome lead to my breakup with my first lover. It was with one of her best friends, and in some ways, I saw that as losing my virginity for real. As long as there’s only one person, then you fit that Judeo-Christian model. But as soon as there is another, then you can never go back to where you were.

Anyway, I asked my girlfriend if she want to have her friend join us, and she said she did. It was all right, but not great. Too much confusion about who was into whom. The girlfriend was a lesbian, so she was more into my girlfriend.

Due to the disappearance of our jobs (without being paid), we went to our separate homes. Later on, my girlfriend let herself get picked up by a professor in her neighborhood, and after that, it was never quite the same between us. I still loved her, so I put up with a lot, but when I graduated from college, she stopped talking to me.

I think that us having experience with someone else may have given her permission to be with another guy. Once that happened, the door was opened for all kinds of fooling around, and for the end of the love.

Cruiser's avatar

In college I once walked in on a dorm room full of deaf students going at it in a full on orgy. It was a spectacle bar none I have ever seen since. My deaf buddy was grinning ear to ear and motioned for me to join in and I waved goodbye as I closed the door. The sights, sounds and smell was more than my warped mind could handle.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Incredibly positive. Some of my greatest memories from college, so much fun.

BeckyKytty's avatar

Too shy to try…

bob_'s avatar

Well, so far my experiences have been limited to, shall we call them, cinematic experiences. I can report that the outcome has always been positive. Heh.

I guess that for the real thing being emotionally prepared for what’s gonna happen is the first step. Basically, how would your friend feel about the sight of her SO having sex with someone else, right in front of her?

Facade's avatar

Well I’ve had one threesome, and I don’t feel affected by it positively or negatively. My SO and I hooked up with one of is friends. It was fun, but there was nothing especially negative or positive about it. Maybe I’m missing the point…

crisw's avatar

Very positive, although my experience was with very open-minded and non-possessive friends. I don’t think it works well if you have any jealousy or insecurity with your relationship.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I’ve had several experiences, most of which were positive. I attended a pansexual orgy once, and I’ve particpated in various threesomes, on both sides of the fence (being the joiner and being in a relationship). It wasn’t all super fantastic, but it was mostly pretty hot and positive. I’m very open to more such encounters. I think that if it’s of interest, it’s worth exploring. :)

LuckyGuy's avatar

One cell phone cam or a participant with a big mouth and you might as well toss your future in a rat hole. Add a little drugs to the mix and you can almost guarantee it.

But, hey, what do I know. I’m just an ignorant old guy.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Negative. Not horrible, more just kinda “meh” – which is enough to discourage me from doing it again, because they’re sooooo much freaking work, both coordinating before and during. There’s a lot of awkwardness that you don’t anticipate. Not awkwardness like tension (well, that too…), but positioning-wise. Remember your first couple of times how you had to figure out where everything went, and where it was best to put your feet, and your hands, etc? It’s pretty much like that all over again. You also have to talk more, telling both people what you want, and hearing what they want – you can’t just go off reactions like you might be able to with a single partner you’ve been with for awhile. It’s harder to come to a stopping point, since you have 3 people who need to finish instead of 2 – often, when one person isn’t finished, you just start up again with the other person (even if you’re really tired or need some juice or something). Basically, you think it will be insanely hot – like having sex with the rock star you had a crush on in high school!!! Except, it’s like having sex with the rock star you had a crush on in high school – he’s pretty much comatose 80% of the time from all the drugs back in the day, goes to bed at a reasonable hour, is on heart, prostate, and thyroid medication, needs Cialis, eats turkey-bacon and egg white omelets, and mostly is up for an unsatisfying quicky before watching Leno.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@MyNewtBoobs You mean, it’s not like in the porn flicks? Gosh, I’m so surprised.

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

Isn’t it weird to have group sex when you are in a relationship with a guy? I mean, who would be the 3th person, lol? our friend? gross!

MissAnthrope's avatar

@QueenOfNowhere – Is it weird to me? No. Is it weird to you? Apparently.

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

@MissAnthrope You gotta be crazy to do that. I understand. It may be fun!

King_Pariah's avatar

@QueenOfNowhere if you don’t want it to be weird, then don’t have one with anyone that’s close to you, or with people who can leave it at that and not add awkwardness to whatever relationship you have with them. Most couples that I’ve seen decide to add a little spice by inviting a third member to their sex life ended up breaking up mainly because of some sense of jealousy or guilt

nikipedia's avatar

@King_Pariah: Most couples that I’ve seen decide to add a little spice by inviting a third member to their sex life ended up breaking up mainly because of some sense of jealousy or guilt

Please add to your dataset one couple that did not experience any of this. Positive experience for all parties. Thanks.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I agree. The last one I did was loads of fun and very hot for all parties. The only drag was when our joiner (the M in our MFF) couldn’t get off. We’re talking, we tried for hours. Otherwise, there was nothing but pleasant feelings all around.

King_Pariah's avatar

@nikipedia I said most, not all. And Congrats (and a GA) for having a good one! And add to your dataset? Ouch, I feel like someone just cup checked me with a nerd sticker. lol

GabrielsLamb's avatar

If you’re in a committed relationship, unless you and your partner both are two of the most psychologically well adjusted human beings (or complete unfeeling narcissists, whichever) It almost always goes bad…

Why do something on purpose while in a relationship that one or both partners will be able to use as their go to ammo for the rest of your lives together?

If you’re not in a relationship… Meh, go for it, you only live once… Just be safe!

Akua's avatar

I have never done it and I have no interest in trying it. I’m too shy and very self conscious. Hubby has had a few back in the days with his ex. He says he wouldn’t want to do it again as it caused a lot of problems. Later he found out that his ex was bi-sexual and had been having sex with the girl long before the 3some. In his bed while he was at work.

snapdragon24's avatar

Negative. Extremely traumatizing.

A few years ago…I was in love with my boyfriend (I call him king of all assholes) who suddenly manipulated me into joining into a foursome. The way it happened…not gonna go into details. But I was confused for many years after to whether it was rape…and not to add how it ruined my sexual life and relationships thereafter. I felt cheap, dumb, fooled and not to mention how much I wished upon their death. Only five years later did I find the peace within…and starting to get back to my old self and finally accept that bad things happen to good people. Never never never again will I get involved in such a thing, especially with someone you love. It can go wrong in so so so so many ways.

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