Social Question

Hibernate's avatar

Do you encourage others to help you ?

Asked by Hibernate (9025 points ) July 2nd, 2011

It’s simple .
To evolve you constantly need to learn new things or to achieve at least a form of perfection in others .
Do you let your friends help ?
Do you tell them to correct your mistakes / bad habits etc ?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

23 Answers

MilkyWay's avatar

Yes, I tell my friends to correct me if I make a mistake, but it has to be discreet. I don’t want them correcting me in front of the whole class.
Same goes for them. Me and my friends have made a sort of pact, where we correct ourselves, look out for each other, and make sure the other doesn’t go into something dodgy or do something rash.

Coloma's avatar

Absolutely!

If I am doing something that bothers someone I’d want them to tell me. This is not be confused with being controlling or not accepting/allowing others to be themselves, but, true relationships require honesty.

A healthy person is open to feedback on their behaviors and how they might effect others or themselves.

I just let go of a 7 year friend/aquaintance that when I spoke up to them about their bad habit if not asking and changing plans without consulting me they couldn’t handle it, take responsibility and showed me the level of their emotional maturity, time to let go.

Those that cannot hear and don’t want to hear any less than stellar feedback are best left alone. They won’t be able to handle the honesty and growth genuine relationships require.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Yes. My group of friends are outstanding individuals with a lot of talents, strengths and experiences. I’m very luck in them, especially when times have been tough for me to troop all by myself.

gasman's avatar

Only my immediate family. With everyone else – friends included – I feel like I’m on my own for self-improvement. Perhaps this is a measure of closeness?

athenasgriffin's avatar

I want to know when something I do bothers or offends someone. So yes, I need my friends to be honest in that regard, so I can change my behavior.

However, it is not in my personality to accept help in other ways. I like to do things for myself. I am too stubborn to ever ask for help, even if I really need it.

marinelife's avatar

I give better than I receive.

downtide's avatar

Um. No.

One of my personal issues is that I have a hard time taking any kind of criticism without taking it personally and getting REALLY disproportionately stressed and upset about it. If anyone has constructive criticism I’d really rather they don’t tell me about it.

I know why I am like this (it’s to do with childhood experiences that I’d rather not talk about) but I’ve never been able to find a solution.

YARNLADY's avatar

I am very big on delegating the work load.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’ve constantly been Little Miss Helpful and Giving, and have felt guilty about reaching out when I need help. I’ve never wanted to be a user of people. Then I realized in therapy that taking the following in for 15 years from age 5 on didn’t help:

“You’re bothering people. Why are you bothering people with that junk?”
“Everyone’s trying to do for themselves. No one’s got time to teach your stupid butt about this.”
“If you can’t figure out how to do it yourself and DO IT, then you’re just being selfish and lazy.”

After all that, in my child’s mind, it was just easier to hide my imperfections than get help. Apparently, I was supposed to be perfect and not have any needs or require any help or instruction whatsoever. How I was supposed to know everything about how the world works by age 10, I have no idea. And if a flaw or two did peep out, a few whacks with an extension cord would take care of that, right? Then there was the whole issue of what constituted a “flaw” and what constituted “someone’s way of thinking is crazy”. But at that age, I just believed everything that my caretaker said, whether it was true or not. A lot of things she told me that were flaws in her eyes either wasn’t true, her projections of her own flaws or simply weren’t flaws!

Imagine my shock as an adult when I learned that thoughtful, honest criticism didn’t mean that a beating or a hours-long “lecture” punctuated by screaming was imminent, it didn’t mean I would be ostracized or that someone hated me to my core. I have to relearn this all the time, and I struggle to not get upset when people are telling me what I need to hear. So I force myself to ask now. I have to learn how to take things like an adult, even if my inner child’s ego is terrified to discover that I’m not perfect. I have to keep reminding her that no one’s going to hurt us now for not being perfect.

I also sort out the difference between what’s a true observation on something I could improve on (I’ll feel uncomfortable) and what’s someone playing out their issues through their advice to me (it feels “off”).

CaptainHarley's avatar

Do I let friends correct my mistakes? Nope! I’m married! : D

MilkyWay's avatar

^ GA Capt’n XD

ucme's avatar

Only when i’m drunk. It’s not nice sleeping in a bus stop with your arse hanging out your trousers. Any manner of horrid things could happen to an attractive, vulnerable guy caught in that state.

MilkyWay's avatar

Hey, hey @ucme . Do your flyer up man.People are looking.

ucme's avatar

@jailbait They don’t call me willy for nothing you know :¬p

gondwanalon's avatar

If I screw up, then I want to know about it ASAP and I don’t care who tells me. Friend, colleague, supervisor it doesn’t matter. I accept responsibility of my mistakes so that I may learn from them and not repeat them.

If you deny your mistakes then you will not improve.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Sadly I notice my own mistakes and flaws way too easily.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir

Like you, I am only too painfully aware of my own shortcomings and errors.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t really have any friends, so this isn’t much of an issue for me. But yesterday, there was something wrong with my knee and I couldn’t carry my instruments in, so I asked the other guys if they would help, and they did! Teasing me all the while, of course.

Well, I do have one friend who is willing to criticize me… nah, make that half a dozen. I was telling a story about how my wife and I met last night, and everyone at the table told me I shouldn’t put a certain detail in the story. Sigh. I think I’m getting too used to fluther. I can’t do the sames things in the real world that I can do in fluther.

blueberry_kid's avatar

If I really need help with something, or they really need help with something, I try to help them. Or provoke them into letting me help them. Otherwise, the same way. So yes. I always try to ask for help. Whenever I can get it, I ask for it.

Hibernate's avatar

Thanks for replies ^^

Coloma's avatar

Well..I must say that I AM having a bit of an issue with my 23 yr. old daughter at times. We have a great relationship but, I have noticed she is kinda taking the ‘role reversal’ trip with me at times. :-?

The other day I mentioned I got a bad watermelon and was going to return it and she launched into the protocol for how I ‘should’ go about getting a replacement melon.

Really my darling? And, what makes you think that I don’t have about 35 years of practice in how to return defective produce and other items?

I didn’t fall off the melon truck yesterday kid! lol

We have to have the ‘talk’ now and then about how I am ONLY 51, not 89, I can handle it, I’m a big girl too! haha

SecondHandStoke's avatar

I use meek charm to make the other person want to help me.

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