Social Question

Jude's avatar

Have you ever just given up on a friend?

Asked by Jude (31993 points ) September 1st, 2011

You’re not getting out of a friendship what you put into it; have you ever had to let someone go?

Tell me your story.

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12 Answers

dreamwolf's avatar

I believe there was a time when I had great admiration for a friend in particular. But as we got older, he seemed to go through a bajillion phases. And he was the type to claim what he was, either punk rocker, emo king, tennis champ, buddhist, turning muslim etc. Eventually, I took notice of all these rapid changes. It’s not the rapid changes that go to me though, it was the arrogance of praise he had for one particular “fad” he was into at the time. I think people have to define themselves with whatever they are into, and its kind of sad because thats what we do, but combining it with arrogance and putting other “fads” down is just a no no in my mind. So I got over him, just by hanging with different people. So sad. But he’s good now and as am I.

jonsblond's avatar

Only someone who showed they weren’t really a friend to begin with, other than that, no. I know my true friends have moments when they are busy or have major things to deal with and may not have the time or energy to pick up the phone or communicate with me on a regular basis. We are still there for each other when we need each other the most. A good friend doesn’t let the small stuff get in the way.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Verbally? Yes, once. In my heart? No. The guy was a friend since we were five. He was into alcohol and drugs by our senior year in highschool. We got back in touch about five years ago when he was out on jail. I accepted his collect calls and even met up with him for lunch one day. I realized that I was not equipped to help him change and that he needed to do it himself, along with the proper guidance. Friendship wasn’t enough.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, and after a lengthy stretch of years, maybe 5–6, I let go of two more friends this past year that I had known for 15 and 7 years respectively.

Both had increasingly serious emotional and relationship issues and I could no longer cope with who they were. One proved to have quite a passive aggressive and manipulative side.
Both resulted in taking a serious inventory on the friendships and they didn’t measure up anymore.

I harbor no ill will of any kind, just no longer was working for me.

It happens, and if your primary motive is to have authentic relationships you know when it’s time to let go of those relationships that won’t allow for it.

Vunessuh's avatar

I’ve let go of toxic people who started out as friends, but eventually negatively affected me and my quality of life.

I’ve never given up on a friend who was having a “moment”, so to speak.
I’ve seen some of my friends at their worst and may have had my feelings hurt in the process, but I’m a pretty understanding person and I try not to take it personally, especially if they have things going on in their life that may attribute to it. If a friend really does love and care about you and has your best interest at heart, you can usually tell. History with that person makes a difference, too. If their shitty behavior is really consistent and affects you on a regular basis, perhaps it’s time to question your friendship with them.

martianspringtime's avatar

Yes, but we reunited a year or so after and we’re good friends again.
I’ve pretty much stopped talking to my best friend as well. Not because we had a falling out, and I don’t avoid her, per say, it’s just that we don’t have very much in common and sometimes it just seems like I’m trying to stay connected for the sake of staying connected and not because we enjoy eachother’s company.

Blackberry's avatar

Yeah, you can’t change people, especially when they’re in their early 20s. I don’t let people bring me down due to pseudo-obligatory friendship pacts.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Year back I had a neighbor who I grew pretty close to, hung out at his house. I helped him get to work. He would kick me down stuff time, to time. He became involved with drugs, and became really shady. Than on New Year of 2000 he borrowed my car to supposedly go pick up two women he knew that was going to party with us until the New Year. He never returned until that morning while I waited all night in his house. He tried to say one of the gals he went to pick up, tricked him out of the keys and stole my car. Another buddy of mine went driving through the neighborhood he was said to have been in that night and after about 30 minutes driving the streets seen my car at the liquor. I used my spare keys to unlock the car and check it out; lucky my tools were still in there. I was about to take off when this guy came out and ask what I was doing with his car. I told him whom I loaned it to with a description. He said that was who he purchased the car from for $400. Eventually he got the point that his friend had hoodwinked us both. Not to make the man feel so bad, my buddy offered him $70 more or less. I drove home and confronted this friend about what I have learned, that he sold the car, not by the woman he tried to pin it on. That was the end of him that day, because I cannot stand being yoked to a druggie and a dishonest one that that.

JessicaRTBH's avatar

I give up on people when they show their true colors (which may take time) and I’ve realized over time I used to surround myself with assholes – a way of avoiding closeness. I never had many true friends and the people I’ve given up on were never real friends. I’ve given up on a ton of assholes though.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Yes,I have.
It’s just pointless to continue a friendship when things become way out of balance.
@Vuneesuh-Well said! :)

Symbeline's avatar

I don’t got real stories. I’ve had some real good friends in my life. The worse that happened in this context is that, we just drifted away, or one of us moved away. No harm done, just life. I think about them, and I’m sure they think about me, too.

linguaphile's avatar

I used to be a very passive and tolerant friend, and extremely loyal, so “friends” could easily take advantage of me, and did. When my life got into a hole that I needed support to get out of, they ditched me pretty fast. It took me a long time, because it did hurt, but I realized that they weren’t true friends and they are not the ones I miss at all, but the ones I’m glad left when they did. I have no interest in contacting them ever again, or even having a conversation with them. No ill will, just have no interest in putting my time into false people.

However, there are friends I withdrew from while struggling with my marriage. I did not want to burden anyone, so I withdrew from them and they’re the ones I truly miss. I am rekindling contact bit by bit, but the common ground for some of them is no longer there. It’s what it is—

There are a few that got into drugs or lifestyles that I couldn’t keep up with or wasn’t compatible with—some moved away or I just no longer had common ground with… those I just ‘let go’ of and if our shared interests come back, I’m sure the friendship will as well. It’s like the friendship’s not gone, but dormant.

I rarely give up on friendships, really, since I do believe most of them become dormant due to geography or lifestyles. The only ones I give up on are the ones where the other person just stops talking without a reason—after waiting a while, a girl’s got to move on.

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