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missxamanda's avatar

How would you feel if you were repeatedly kissed on a first date?

Asked by missxamanda (81 points ) September 9th, 2011

I met this guy at a local show, we exchanged numbers and decided to go out for coffee. Before meeting up I warned him about my self-esteem issues, and how it would more than likely scare him away. I wasn’t nervous (which I suppose is a good thing) because I didn’t see it as a date, but as we were walking he repeatedly kissed me on the cheek and forehead telling me, “This is an indicator that I think you’re absolutely a cutie, so don’t worry” I then became nervous-I didn’t expect him to just do that out of nowhere. By him making that statement I automatically thought it was out of pity because he probably felt as if I needed some sort of a “boost” He also held my hand and kept placing his arm around my hips. I don’t know what to make of this, could it be that he just wants to jump in bed already? Or am I really like the ugly girl in the corner who needs to be petted every once in awhile?

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31 Answers

everephebe's avatar

It’s a sign that he is gay and not attracted to you at all.~
Stop being paranoid and over-thinking things. If he sleeps with you on the first date that is a different sign but a couple of friendly pecks is usually harmless. Wait till date 2 or something. Or when he starts muttering under his breath things like “fat”, “ugly”, and “you are gay”...

If he creeps you out, then don’t go on a second date. Act on your gut. Frankly, I’d be happy you got a bloke to go out with you and that you didn’t mange to scare him off.

digitalimpression's avatar

That does sound like very odd behavior for a first date. Not knowing this guy personally I wouldn’t want to spoil your impression of him, but it does sound like he’s trying to move around the bases.

Only138's avatar

He wants to nail you, but doesn’t want you to know that He wants to nail you. He figures he’ll throw the innuendos around, and you’ll suggest it. Thats all. :)

zenvelo's avatar

Being that touchy-feely/kissy on a first date or even a 10th date is just flat out creepy and annoying. Next time (if there is a next time) tell him to knock it off, he is treating you like a pet or something.

If you are at all interested in him, and he asks you out again, set some ground rules and boundaries before you go out by telling him his touching and kissing was not at all appreciated and was not ejoyable, and to not do it again

missxamanda's avatar

@everephebe HAHAHAHA, thanks. He actually tired kissing me on the lips as well not sure of what to make of it.

everephebe's avatar

It probably means that he is interested in you.^
If you are interested in him, you should go out again, if not, tell him you just want to be friends or else call it a day.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Just because a guy you’re on a date with wants to sleep with you doesn’t mean that’s all he ever wants to do. It’s not like there are tons of first dates that lead to long term relationships where the guy is like “I dunno, I guess she looks ok, but sleeping with her? Ew”. So, I think he probably does sleep with you, but my reaction to that is more “Yay, that’s a good thing to want in a partner” than “The horror of a man who’s interested in a relationship with me wanting to have sex with me”. Also, it depends quite a bit on age and culture, and if you both come from a culture where that’s totally acceptable behavior (younger, perhaps listens to punk rock..) it’s definitely not the same as a culture where it would definitely be considered brash, brazen, and horribly inappropriate (like it would be if someone did that to my grandma).

Having said that, it does ( and maybe I’m totally reading into this) seem like your description is that the kisses and other physical contact were something he did to you, not with you, and I’m big on things (kissing, cuddling, sex, etc) being done with someone and not to someone. And if it made you feel uncomfortable, then you should say so (maybe something along the lines of “slow down there”); there’s no one recipe for a proper first date, so don’t worry about social customs, worry about if you are personally ok with things.

Also, maybe don’t tell guys right away if you have low self-esteem, or other things that would send signals to a not-so-safe guy that you’re easy prey. It can take a few get-togethers to be able to suss out if they’re safe or not, and revealing that stuff too soon can get you in some unnecessary trouble.

missxamanda's avatar

@Aethelflaed I see what you mean. I just warn guys of that stuff before they find it, I feel like he was “doing” those things to me because it was a sign of pity but being that I have such a distorted view of myself it could be the complete opposite.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

If you don’t tell them that you have low self-esteem, then you have less reason to suspect that their behavior is based in “pity.” I would probably not do that anymore.
Anyhow, I think this would weird me out.. but, I also suspect this guy has good intentions and was really just trying to nudge you out of your shell a bit. If he didn’t like you, he probably wouldn’t have put so much effort into it.

Nullo's avatar

It sounds to me like he’s trying to address your self-esteem issues head-on.

Ltryptophan's avatar

Sounds like he’s kissing up to you.

stardust's avatar

I also wondered if he was trying to make you feel good about yourself.
Personally, that would drive me up the walls on a first date. I’d give him another chance though before I wrote him off completely.

Nullo's avatar

[Addendum to previous post]
My reasoning: guys are wired to put an emphasis on problem-solving. He saw a problem, he’s trying to solve it.

King_Pariah's avatar

The “typical” guy would be wanting to hop into bed and believes he’s a walking streak of sex. If you don’t believe he’s typical, then he may be doing it for reasons such as he believes you need a bit of an esteem boost, he may be overly affectionate, he may be manipulative for reasons that may be more than just hopping into bed, or… European (jk). But you gotta take into account his personality and who he really is, however, you can’t do that without more interactions with this fella. (Personally, I’d be creeped out… but if they’re hot enough, then who cares?)

missxamanda's avatar

@Nullo interesting…I don’t want to be his “math problem” though.

Aethelflaed's avatar

@missxamanda Just FYI, not everyone agrees that men are naturally programed to fix things. And, even if they were, it doesn’t mean they have to fix things or they die, so if you don’t want someone fixing your life for you, don’t put up with it.

plethora's avatar

I think you told him what you think your weak point is and he is trying to capitalize on it for his personal benefit….even to the point of telling you. As you noted, it only drew attention to it. I think he revealed to you his own major character flaw.

dreamwolf's avatar

You sound like you are still unsure of yourself, you need to gain confidence and fast. Don’t do anything you’d regret, but stop thinking as well. I used to hold all romance on a pedestal. I still believe in love and relationships and such (currently in one). But it shouldn’t be over thought. Good luck!

RareDenver's avatar

Sounds to me as though he just really likes you, do you like him? Why don’t you just go with it, stop stressing and see where it takes you. You never know, you might actually end up happy, imagine that.

poisonedantidote's avatar

As with any guy there is a possibility he is just trying to use you for sex, but because of the hand holding I would be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he likes you. It is not your typical “I want to bone you” move.

As for you being “ugly” and having a self esteem problem, if that is you in your avatar I think you look good, so maybe you should not pay so much attention to the media’s attempts of standardizing what is and is not beautyful. If you and I were both single and living in the same area, I would not say no to a date… and like @Aethelflaed pointed out, I may even attempt to get you in to bed even though I’m really only interested in long term relationships.

Be a little weary, but let your guard down a little bit, and don’t assume he sees you the same way you see your self, because the chances of that are very low.

Coloma's avatar

I’d run like hell…if someone is that suffocating on a first date I’d see it as a major red flag. Eeee!

Ayesha's avatar

It’s not supposed to go like that, i’d be very uncomfortable. Won’t take me long to slap the dude’s head off. I think he just desperately wants to get laid. That’s it. He’s not into it, emotionally.

CatieDalleLydon's avatar

I would feel disgusted and would let him know I am uncomfortable and don’t appreciate that much kissing.

Coloma's avatar

I’m pretty sure I’m the old broad on this mountain, but, young or old, most women do not apprciate the heavy breather types that have lips like a vacuum cleaner, all the while huffing and slobbering in your ear. If I wanted to be kissed like that I’d kiss a Labrador retriever. lol

Aethelflaed's avatar

@Coloma Then I bet it’s extra confusing for the men who go out on dates with women who own Labrador retrievers.

tranquilsea's avatar

I had a couple of guys try to dive in for kiss on first dates. A good shove usually stopped that. I find that behaviour creepy.

Aethelflaed's avatar

@tranquilsea Yeah, it’s a bit complicated. Because there have been first dates where a kiss was totally appropriate, where I was sending off signals that I’d like to be kissed (and maybe more), and it wasn’t out of nowhere, it started out with a hand touching my arm, or maybe sweeping my bangs out of my eyes. But then first dates where, out of nowhere, they just sorta glomp onto you, and it’s like Attack of the Open Mouth? That’s a bad sign, because it’s like “why would you think that would be ok?”. But to me, it’s more about mutual enthusiasm for some physicality and both people sending signals than which number date it was.

everephebe's avatar

I don’t think I have ever not kissed on a date, and it’s usually much more than that. It isn’t anything intentional or planned, well at least not on my part it isn’t. I certainly don’t make any moves or anything (it would be weird if I did) it just happens organically and naturally… I mean that’s how it works right? If you have a good time together and such. I’m a pretty formal fellow and generally a gentleman… I don’t date much but when I do there is typically chemistry already. And I haven’t ever felt promiscuous or like I was just trying to get into someone’s pants…

missxamanda's avatar

@poisonedantidote Thanks! Yeah the hand holding kinda made me feel like “Oh…so well…what is this?” It was a bit funny, I looked down and my hand was in his I don’t usually expect this type of behavior on a first date- but I’ll proceed with caution!

Sher_King's avatar

I Do not mean to be harsh….but he probably pitied you and thought that being gentle and sweet would be a closer step to sleeping with you. Sometimes guys are just that cold…and unfortunately end up thinking more with their miniature brains. He probs thought, ‘ah, she’s cute. But vulnerable. This wont be hard.’

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